Whine & Cheese Company, Inc. - 1

Dear George,

Well, I guess you kin call me Bubba if you like, however, Bubba might git mad for using his name. It’d be a mite confusing if we had two Bubba here at the company. We do try to limit our Bubbas to jest one since we probably got 15 or 20 in the community. I mean, Red House’s got over 50 residents and, well, I think you git the picture.

Ther’s another problem with yor letter. I am surprise it got here a tall. I mean, you tried to send it to Kentucky, Texas. Not only is that not our address, but Kentucky is not in Texas. It’s in Missouri. I thank. But, that’s not our problem, that’s Missouri’s problem. Jest address yor letter to us at the company, c/o General Delivery @ Harley’s Texaco, Red House, Mississippi 32. Our zip code is also our telephone number. Now, if you want to send us an email, just leave it in the tin can by the big Oak tree round back o’ Harley’s Texaco. Bubba checks the can ever’ morning and brang it in.

Ther wudn’t nothin’ in thu envelop. Well, yor letter wus ther, but no bird, only some bird droppins. I guess the bird done flew the envelop. Are you sure it wuz a bird. From yor letter, I’m a thanking it mite of been sumpin else. A man one time traded Bubba a dog for a pocket knife. Man was that a fine pocket knife. Bubba won it at the fare one year a throwing pennies in cups. Had a picture o’ Hopalong Cassidy on it with his horse, Hoppy. And Bubba traded it fer this dog. He were a yeller dog with no tail. Had a long nose and walk kinda funny. Bubba thought maybe he be a good squirrel dog, but turned out he had a mean temper. He’s bite you in a heartbeat and had big ole teeth. Mite near took Bubba’s arm off and that’s when he got suspicious. Turned out that doggone dog wudn’t a dog. He wus a alleygater with his tail cut off. That man what traded him, done cut his tail off and made gumbo, then painted ‘em yeller and traded ‘em to Bubba.

So, this here bird, he ain’t got big teeth and a long beak dooey? Whatever, I can’t hep you with yore bird. We don’t do birds, except chicken and we fry them. SO, you know what to do? Yep, just order plenty of our Christmas Gifts Packs and drown your troubles in cheese and whine.

Whinningly yours,
Jim Whinnery, Chief Head-Chief Whiner