Belated B'day Excuses: 200 wd contest

It started with my alarm clock. The fact that it didn’t start going off this morning, to start my morning routine. So I was late to my doctors appointment (I have this nasty, oozing blister on my big toe, right under the nail, makes it nearly impossible to walk). But luckily they were able to squeeze me in, (and squeeze pus out) and send me on my way. Until some cruel old lady ran my toe over with her wheelchair while leaving the office. How she couldn’t see my swollen toe was beyond me, just like the pain I felt was beyond any measure. So I hobbled down the street, managing to spill coffee all down my front. And speaking of fronts-you were first and foremost in my mind, and I said to myself, “I WILL NOT be late!” but I also knew that I had to change into my best birthday suit before flashing to your front door.

Unfortunately, I left my best suit at the cleaners, but I thought I would grab it regardless. They insisted it was wet, but I donned it anyway and ran outta there quicker than someone with Necrotizing Fasciitis during the Apocalypse. I figured for a quick Dry-then-Fly I would run into the local car wash where the have those big jets going to dry off the cars. I did, it worked, however, it also blew off my watch (a very nice one it were, that there watch), and went smack dab through someone’s windshield, so I hightailed it, quicker than you can say, “Insurance Claim”.

So here I am. Oh, and here is your present. I am no good at surprises, so I will tell you, I have a couple bandaids here, a few mothballs and a car air freshener. It took time and good energy to think up these presents for you, and they weren’t cheap, I mean, I could have gotten you nothing, you ungrateful twit. Oh…and Happy Birthday.


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