"A Problem Page For All!"

Hey girls!

Wow it sure has been a long time!
It even took me about 3 months to read the message Cait posted and told us about on facebook!
I do miss you guys too, and its funny to read how we've all changed, yet all in such a similar way!
I feel like I have 'out grown' the pen palling stage too, not that its a kids thing to do or something, but its just not part of me anymore, and I dont enjoy it like I used to. I still have 2 pals, but for the simple reason that they dont have easy access to the internet at the moment, and its the only way for us to stay in touch. And since we've been friends for such a long time I'm not willing to give up on that, even though I can hardly motivate myself to write sometimes.

Now that we're updating each other on each others lives, here's about me:
I've been travelling Australia for 8 months now, which in a way feels like forever, and in a way feels like its only been a few months.
So far I've been having the time of my life, meeting new people, travelling the worlds most beautiful country (well from the ones that I've seen then) and just being free and able to do what I want to do whenever I want to.
Who would have ever thought you can get tired of that?
Well I am :P
At the moment, and for the past few days I've been homesick, and not quite sure what to do.
Should I go home and see my friends again that I miss so much, enjoy the simple things of life at home, like sleeping in a real bed after having lived in a small tent for the past 2 months, having some privacy, and not to mention, being with my boyfriend again??
I've just spent about an hour staring out to the ocean and trying to make sense of what I'm feeling, and whether I want to stay and am just having a few bad days, or whether I really do want to go home.
And I've decided to stay.
I'm going to finish this, and enjoy the last 4 months here, and not give in to my depressed moods :P

So.. thats how things are for me at the moment :P
We're up in Darwin now, and even though its winter now, its still a good 30 degrees C, which is who knows how much in F, but its hot I can tell you that :P

We've done and seen so many great things over the past 8 months, and despite my whining and self pity, I do really feel blessed to be able to experience all this!

My boyfriend, well that was a bit of bad timing I'm afraid.
We've been working and flirting together for a few years, but since he had a steady girlfriend, I never put too much thought into it, thinking it was just an innocent flirt.
Until, about 2 months before I left, he kissed me all of a sudden.
We did a lot of talking then, and he broke up with his girlfriend and we enjoyed the few weeks we had together.
I felt guilty about him ending his relationship, since I was leaving anyway, but it wasnt really fair to stay with her either.

I really really miss him!
We decided to just do our own thing this year, since a year is a long time and a lot can happen, and I dont believe in waiting for someone a full year, or having someone wait for you, not even to mention the pressure it puts on things when you get back. Someone has waited for such a long time, so you have to make it work. Not really the kind of pressure that works for me!
Anyway, we've had ups and downs over the past 8 months, but I've anything, we've only gotten closer, and I love him so much!
I do, despite everything I just said, now see him as my boyfriend, and he feels the same.
I cant wait to go home to him, but I just now somewhere deep down that the time is not right to go back..

I was only going to type a short reply, but I guess it felt good talking to you girls again :P
I just blurted out what I feel I cant really talk about with many people, since my friends at home just want me to come home, as does Roy, so instead of telling me to hang in there and that things will get better, they say things like that its not a bad thing to come home early, that its not failure or whatever..

Gotta get going, miss you girls!

Love, Ilona

"I want to be the one to dance in the sun"