Sorry to take so long in getting back to you on this.
Your writing is very vivid and solid, full of good sensory detail. I also like the transformation of the two ghosts at the end.
What I think needs work is the sense of conflict in the story. The narrator does not seem to struggle with his guilt--he's mainly grossed out and scared for himself. The sudden cessation of hauntings, and their equally sudden resumption, doesn't seem to relate to anything else in the story. Do I understand correctly that she stopped haunting him, but his nightmares continued without her? If that's the case, that's an interesting point that should be developed. In that case, he really would have internalized his guilt. Maybe she stopped coming because he finally "got it" about what he had done, and began punishing his own psyche with nightmares? The reappearance would then make sense--they have come back to help him get free.
Anyway, I would work on developing his struggle with himself. Good luck with this. Thanks for posting.
The following section applies to this forum item as a whole,
not this individual post.
Any feedback sent through it will go to the forum's
owner, Raven Jordan.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/forums/message_id/1497884
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 1:28pm on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.