Very sad situation--each is supposed to know what the other meant. Right now this is all very abstract and intellectual, and a reader doesn't feel the pain of this as you would want them to.
Best line--"So through silence they lied."
Also good--"The hearts do not know...." as if the hearts were sentient beings, and had expectations that their intentions would be known as if through automatic wireless communication.
That might be a good way to take this to the next level: concentrate on the hearts as protagonists. Pay little attention to hhe oafish humans carrying the hearts around, except as they thwart the hearts'
attempts at communication.
Thanks for posting, and sorry to take a while in reviewing it--I've been sick.
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please review · 01-12-07 7:29am by A Non-Existent User
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