Red Opium.

*hug* Sorry that everything seems to have gone to pot lately for you hon.

It's going to sound really ridiculous (so I apologize in advance for that), but perhaps when you're feeling really really focused on cutting, you could do something else to distract yourself? I know someone who stops and knits whenever she feels the urge to cut (she says that she must have knit a sweater and matching scarf for everyone she knows last winter!); I myself do something distracting like take a walk, or even get online and talk to someone, even if it's nonsense and has nothing to do with how I'm feeling. Just keeping my hands busy seems to work, you know? Maybe you have a hobby or something that you could concentrate on to take your mind off of your urges. I know that now that I'm back in school, I'll be using homework as a way to curb my urges - so I should have good grades this semester! : )

As for the guy situation...again, this is going to sound kind of trite, but if he's really as slimy as you made him sound in your post, then he doesn't deserve you. It'll take time, as things like this always do, but once you're finally over him, that'll clear the way for someone who can see you and love you for who you really are. Don't give up hope sweetie!

And remember that if you [or anyone who wants to, really] ever wants to talk to me about ANYTHING (and I do mean anything), I'm online a lot. My AIM is starsstndstill, and my Yahoo ID is heiress_of_grace.

I hope this helped at least SOME. Stay safe!

-Ashie-
A million stars look on in witness to our dreams -Thrice