Ask Mr. Wizzo!

Response:

First of all, I appreciate you reading my column in the Saturday TRASH BARREL. (I believe you missed the capitalization of that. TRASH BARREL is, of course, an acronym for The Raciest Articles Shown Here (on Earth, of course), Because All Real wRiters (a clever joke, on the editor's part, if I do say so, myself) Eat Lettuce.

My advice to you is simply that if you are seeing things which nobody else can, all odds are that you are, quite simply, insane. If the night is completely cloudy, as you say, and yet you see the moon anyway, that's likely trouble.

Or, of course, it could be the headlight of a motorcycle. Do you pass out in the middle of the street, on many cloudy nights? If so, I believe we've found our answer.


On to the subject of pets... I do, in fact, own one cat. The obvious answer, also being the correct one, is simply that I occasionally enjoy helping people, but mostly ignore them completely. My cat happens to share this same philosophy. I'll go days, or even weeks, without seeing her. And did I mention that she doesn't go outside?

Yes, I do find cats to be simply creatures of my own heart.


Dogs, on the other hand, are absolutely vile creatures. Always wanting "affection" and "love." Pah. Such things are best left to Hollywood.