Red Opium.

Fitzwah and D Dead,
Thank you so much. I am so proud of myself. No one in my circle of friends and family seems to realize what an accomplishment this is, but I think that's okay. I know what this means. I celebrated by spending some time at the cemetary. It sounds depressing, but it's really calming and grounds you. But I'm happy. I talked to my nurse, Laura, yesterday. Marveled at how far I've come. How, a year ago, I Never could have imagined being at the point I'm at now. Being "well," "stable," "happy." And I really am. I'm normal, whatever normal is. I mean, my past permeates and effects everything I do. It effects how I think, how I view my world. But it makes me a stronger person. I know what it's like to get over somethingso powerful it changes you for life, and takes everything in you to stop what's killing you. I feel shame for my past, but I want to stand tall because I did something no one, including myself, thought was imposible. Laura reminded me how few people get over this. And I did. I mean, I know this isn't over. I know I will still have to deal with this. I know I very well could go back to where I was. But, right now I know I have made it. I have made my life better. I know how bad it was and I know it would kill me if I go back. If I hadn't changed, hadn't left home, hadn't made myself stop I really don't think I'd still be alive. Cutting and not cutting was tearing me up inside and pushing me to attempt suicide to stop it all. I attempted suicide again in September, and from that day, I knew I couldn't continue living the way I had been. And now, here I am. 6 months. Damn. And again, thank you for the merit badge, D Dead - it made me feel so good. Thank you all for supporting me thus far.
Sarah