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Not related to the Broadway Musical of the same name |
| [Introduction]
I've been thinking about how I've been low on imagination lately, needing inspiration from somewhere else, well this Campfire is going to be different! No previously established characters or settings, Just the frame story of a Grandpa telling a story to his Grandkids, and as the title says Anything Goes, just about anything can happen, within reason Rules Keep the story rated G/E for Everyone, this is supposed to be a story a Grandpa is telling his grandkids We all build off what came before us, so things should have some semblance of logic, for instance if I start the story with 'Sally got into her car and started to drive down the freeway' the next addition should be a continuation of that that not 'Mr. Potato Head and Kool-Aid Man won the NBA championship' of course, you could do a 'Meanwhile' for something that might be relevant later, like say 'Meanwhile a truck full of potatoes crashed into a truck full of tomatoes' Something like that |
| Once upon a time...It was a dark and stormy night, in Free County USA, in a blue house lived a young boy named Joe and his family. That night as Joe lay sleeping in his bed he head a 'thump' and then another 'thump' it was coming from the attic! Something was in the attic...But what? |
| Perhaps I should go an take a look, he thought. But, there's school tomorrow. What to do? |
| Joe tried to sleep but the thumping got louder and louder each passing minute, until it got too loud to sleep so Joe jumped out of bed, "How can I sleep with all that thumping?" so he went out of the hallway he noticed his parents are awake. "Joe, why are you up?" says his father, "You know you have school tomorrow." |
| "Because of that thumping coming from the attack," Joe said. "It's keeping me awake." Joe was a nervous boy who during a thunder storm would jump every time lightning flashed. "What thumping?" said his father. He was a steady type himself and Joe's nervousness did not appeal to him. The boy needed to learn to be more unflinchable. That was the way a man behaved. He didn't jump every time something happened. "I don't hear anything." "It's not thumping right now," Joe said, "but it was thumping a few minutes ago." "Go back to bed," said his father. But as soon as Joe crawled back into bed, he could hear the thumping again. He threw off his covers. "This is impossible. I have to go take a look and see what is making that thumping noise. Maybe it's just a loose shutter or something." |
| Joe checked to see if his Folks had gone back to bed, with the coast clear, he crept towards to attic, the night was cold and Joe was feeling more then a bit nervous, Joe pulled on the string and lowered the ladder that led to the attic. When the ladder was pulled down, something fell out! A giant crab, the size of a Great Dane nearly fell on top of Joe, Joe was too petrified to even scream, but all the Crab did was run down the stairs, into the kitchen |
| Joe just closed the attic door and went back to bed, he's too tired to even care right now. Short time later he woke up when a woman screamed followed by "El Diablo, El Diablo!" he recognized that it's Juanita, the family's live in maid. |
| Joe leaped out of bed and ran into the kitchen where Juanita was hitting the big crab with a broom. "I'll push it out the door," Joe said, reaching for the broom. "No! You get that big soup pot out from under the sink and hold it so I can push the crab into it. We will eat crab today!" At lunch time the family settled down to eat a crab dinner. Juanita had fixed baked potatoes and cole slaw to accompany the crab. Joe picked up one of the lemon wedges Juanita had sliced and squeezed a little lemon juice on his crab meat. "Yummy!" he said. "But I wonder what a crab was doing in our attic?" About an hour after they finished eating, Joe and his mother and father began to feel very strange. |
| Joe didn't have to go to school today, because the storm last night had flooded the school so he had the day off. And as everybody's bellies gurgled, there appeared a specter, It looked like a tall, pale man who had blue hair and blue eyes and wore a suit of armor that looked like Crab Shells. "Who are you?!" Joe asked "I am Cancer." The Specter said "King of the Crab People...And you have just eaten my daughter Princess Shell!" Everyone froze for a moment "But you don't look like a Crab." Said Joe's Dad Eugene Evergreen (Yes the family's last name is Evergreen) "We Crab People can shift between Crab and Human." Said King Cancer "But we can only change into our human forms if we eat an onion...Because Shell couldn't turn into her Human Form, she couldn't explain I sent her to your house to be safe since we Crab People are currently at war with the Barnacle People." "What should we do to make up for this?" Asked Eugene "Since you ate my Daughter..." Said King Cancer "I shall eat your son!" "No!" Exclaimed Mrs. Evergreen clutching Joe Just then...There was a knock at the door |
| Eugene looked through the peephole and saw what appears to be a pirate completely covered in barnacles, "Uhh, King Cancer? I think you've been followed." |
| King Cancer peered through the peephole. "Curses! You're right! It's Cirrip, Leader of the Barnacles. Don't let him in!" But the barnacle leader kept pounding on the door. King Cancer paced back and forth. "This constant pounding is getting on my nerves. I can't eat your son as long as Cirrip is making all that noise!" "Good!" said Mother Evergreen. "I don't want you to eat him." |
| Then the door was blown off it's hinges "Wasn't expecting me to bring my portable cannon were you?" Yelled Captain Cirrip "Run!" Said Eugene and everyone except King Cancer fled into the backyard, King Cancer drew his enormous claws to do battle with the Barnacle Captain. As the family was starting to catch their breaths, an enormous bee swooped down and grabbed Joe and carried him into the sky. "NO!" Wailed Mrs. Evergreen then a note fell at their feet. "I'm taking your Son somewhere safe until this all buzzes over." Eugene read the note "Your's truly Princess Bumble" Joe squirmed in the Bee's grasp "Don't do that!" Said the Bee "You'll plummet to your death!" Joe looked at the face of the one who captured him, The face looked halfway between human and bee face (Joe hadn't discovered the furry fandom yet, so he didn't know the term 'anthropomorphic' yet) "Who are you?" Joe asked "I'm Princess Bumble." Said the Bee "The Oldest Daughter of Queen Beatrice, Queen of the Honeybee People and CEO of the largest Honey Factory in Animal Land." |
| "Okay, this has to be a crazy dream," Joe said. "I mean, huge crabs, and giant bees, it's impossible. Got to be a dream." |
| Princess Bumble landed on a roof of a building covered in honeycombs where she escorted Joe to a makeshift office and there he saw another giant bumblebee slightly bigger then Princess Bumble and a male lion dressed in royalty and standing on his forepaws, "Here he is mother, just like you asked." Queen Beatrice says "Very good, now go make sure the workers have the honey ready for production while King Leo and I have a word with him." Princess Bumble just curtsied "Yes mother." and then she left. The Lion went up to Joe "Greetings human, I am King Leo, leader of the lion people and king of the Animals. Sorry we had to take you from your home, but it's for your own safety. King Cancer and Captain Cirrip are mortal enemies. Each time they do battle there bound to be causalities, and killing humans is usually frowned upon the Animal people." Joe looked nervous on this. Queen Beatrice says "Poor thing, he must be scared." |
| "No need to be scared, "King Leo said. He placed his paws on Joe's shoulders. "You are a special human, my son. There are great things in store for you." "Me?" Joe said. "Special? I don't understand. I'm just an ordinary boy. I'm just like all the other boys." "You know that's not true," said King Leo. "How many other boys are talking to a lion and a bee right now?" "None," said Beatrice. "You're the only one, Joe. That makes you special, doesn't it?" "I guess so," Joe said. "Does that mean I will be the new king of the animals?" Leo frowned. "Joe, nobody said anything about making you king of the animals. That's my job. I don't plan on losing it any time soon." "Oh. OK. I was just trying to understand what being special meant. That's all." |
| "What is this Animal Land...And how are Animal People different from regular Animals?" Joe asked "That will take some time to explain." Leo said "You might want to take a seat and grab a snack...This might take a while." Leo turned to Beatrice "Grab the Projector...And some snacks." Beatrice wheeled out the slide show projector, and got Joe some honey cookies and hot chamomile tea with honey in it, Joe was not a particularly big fan of herbal tea but he drank it anyway, the honey made it tolerable. "To make a long and very complicated story short." Leo said "Back in the ice age, before human civilization began, Humans and Animals regularly intermarried it wasn't weird because it was a time when there existed no differences to distinguish the two." "The ice age was a very chaotic time." Beatrice said "Everyone was interbreeding with everyone else, creating new species, in order to prevent global extinction." "As Humans started creating their technology." Leo said "Inventing the wheel, creating art, making flames to keep them warm at night...They started creating Animal People from their unions with the Animals...At that time all Animal People could switch between being wholly animal and wholly human like King Cancer and Captain Cirrip, at the founding of Animal Land most of the Animal Tribes voluntarily gave up their ability to shape shift, instead opting for a hybrid body that looked like an Animal but was capable of walking on two legs, had opposable thumbs and could speak human language." "All of the land tribes gave up shapeshifting for a hybrid form." Said Beatrice "As did most of the sea tribes, the Crabs and the Barnacles did not." Thinking about King Cancer and Captain Cirrip, Joe was reminded of his family, and his friends "Wait! What going to happen to my family?!" He asked "And my friends?! You said there were always casualties when..." "Don't worry." Leo said "I have sent one of my most powerful knights of the Animal Table, to protect everyone your loved ones." "What is he?" Joe asked "A Lion like you? A Wolf? A Rhino?" "SHE is a Woolly Mammoth." Leo said "Her name is Glacier, and she is one of the few Mammoths remaining in Animal Land, and the youngest Animal to ever become a Knight at 14." At that Moment, a Mammoth Person clad in gold and silver armor sauntered into Free County USA |
| "That's going to attract a lot of attention," said Joe. "I mean, unless someone wonders if they've been drinking, someone's going to call the police on it." |
| Back at Joe's house, Joe's family only watched as King Cancer and Captain Cirrip fought each other in their house, Joe's mother was outraged when King Cancer broke a Ming Vase, Joe's mother says "Hey! Do you know how much that costs!?" As she is about to enter the house, a large wooly hand grabbed her, "I wouldn't go in there while they're battling, it's suicide." It was a huge wooly Mammoth clad in gold and silver armor, Eugene says "Who are you?" The Mammoth says "Name's Glacier, I'm assigned to protect you." |
| "Then get in there and protect us!" Eugene yelled. "They're wrecking the place!" Glacier gestured for calmness. "Property can be replaced, lives cannot." "We don't need platitudes, we need protection! It's all very well for YOU to say property can be replaced. You're not the one that has to pay for it." Joe's mother and father practically pushed the mammoth into their house. Actually, King Cancer and Captain Cirrip had grown tired of fighting. They weren't as young as they used to be. No one is. So they were happy when Glacier stepped between them and said, "Enough of this fighting! Stop immediately!" |
| Both Cancer and Cirrip both feared Glacier, they had dealt with her before, they feared her enormous tusks and giant feet. Meanwhile Joe as getting the story of why the Crabs and the Barnacles were fighting each other. "While I am given the title, 'King of all Animal Land." Said Leo "In actuality I have never had any control over the Ocean Tribes, the Ocean Tribes are so different from the Land Tribes, even the Freshwater Fish Tribes find it hard to deal with their Saltwater Cousins and use the Salmon People and go-betweens." "Because we are from such radically different environments..." Queen Beatrice said "...We of the Land are believe in hierarchy, structure and reason, while those of the Ocean believe everything is in endless flux, nothing is permanent, and are thus ruled by their emotions." "The Land Tribes recognize me as the High King and my word is law." Said Leo "But the Ocean Tribes know absolutely no loyalty but to their own Clan, They do recognize the Law that in every tribe the Royal Family is not to be eaten, yes here in Animal Land we do eat each other there are no normal animals here and the carnivores would starve if they couldn't hunt...My ancestors set up the law, that you can not eat the Royal Family of any clan." "And me and my family ate the Crab Princess." Sighed Joe. "Your family had no way of knowing." Beatrice said "King Cancer should have given Shell an onion so she could transform and explain what she was doing there rather then unceremoniously, drop her into a locked attic at night." "So...I'm staying with the Bees?" Joe said "The Bees are the best People to stay with if you're in danger of an assassination." Said Leo first of all, this Castle and Honey Factory is on the peak of the mountain Mount Honeymore, so it's a real pain for any Ocean Animal to journey this far above sea level, second the Bees are the best protectors we got, any Bee Warrior can rouse themselves from slumber faster then any other Animal, and the ferocity and tenacity with their stingers make them one of the most feared tribes in the Kingdom." "You'll be sleeping with Princess Bumble in her room." Said Beatrice, "And Crab assassination looking for you will be charged with an attempt on the Princess's life." |
| "Wait a minute," said Joe. "You want me to sleep in the Princess's bedroom for my protection?" "Yes," said Beatrice. "You will be perfectly safe there." "Please tell me there's a second bed in there, or something," Joe chuckled nervously. "Wouldn't want to give anyone the wrong impression or anything." "I see," said Leo. "I'm certain something could be arranged." |
| Queen Beatrice shout "Guards!" Two bees came in "Yes your highness?" Queen Beatrice says "This human is our guest for the night, he'll be staying with my daughter. Set up a guest bed in Princess Bumble's room at once." The guard says "Yes your majesty, it'll be done right away." |
| After dinner and some chat time, Joe went to the bedroom he would be sharing with Princess Bumble and put on his pajamas. He was surprised to see a beautiful woman in the room. "Who are you?" "I'm Princess Bumble, of course." "B-b-but, I thought the animals gave up the ability to shape shift into completely human form." "The animals did," said Princess Bumble, "but we flying insects need our wings to fly, so we retain the shape shifting ability. Does it disturb you?" "No," Joe said. "I just didn't realize you would be so beautiful." |
| As the two of them settled down into bed, Joe looked over at Bumble. "Is Glacier going to be able to protect all my loved ones?" Joe said "I mean there's my family, and then there's my friends, Sam and Fred. Princess Bumble yawned "Oh don't worry we've taken care of that...We sent Glacier to protect your family because they were in the most danger, we sent two other great Animal Warriors to protect your friends." "Really?" Joe asked "Who are they?" At that point Bumble was fast asleep and snoring. Meanwhile Fred was home watching the all night movie channel, eating ice cream, drinking a soda and watching Dracula VS Frankenstein 2 when he heard a knock at the door |
| "Okay," Fred said. "Rule number one about horror movies is to never open the door to someone you don't know. After all, that's the primary way monsters and psycho killers enter a person's house. Next rule: Barricade doors and windows." |
| Just as Fred was going to lock all the doors he heard someone say "You took too long to answer so I let myself in." Fred turned around and saw an Anthropomorphic Anglerfish looking at him The End! |
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