Most messed up campfire story ever told.

A long time ago, there was a child born in a dark, damp forest. The mother was an alchoholic and drug addict named Kerry. L. Bo. She was so pissed when the child was born, she forgot to cut off the umbilical cord and almost killed the baby. Then, her A grade boyfriend came and picked her up in a hover machine right after she wrote "My name is Bim. Bo," with a spray can on the baby's body.
A couple of days later, a slutty nun found the baby.