before marriage

Beware, if you are feeling either way just before marriage:

1) In the dark room: You are not taking care of yourself. You are not spending quality time with yourself during these engagement months having persuaded yourself that there isn't enough time and that everything else is more important right now. You are taking care of others much more than your own self. You feel guilty to have lots of fun. You feel these days should be as dull as your normal days have always been, to avoid the fantasized mockery by others. You are being over-responsible for other people's feelings because you are afraid they could feel hurt to see you having a good time with your fiancé. You listen to everyone and don’t want to give your opinions. You have left everything to be taken care of by others. You fail to schedule a quality time with your fiancé and you don’t believe that it’s a problem. You think “after all we will live together when we get married.” You feel nagged when your fiancé asks you to meet or call. You feel your fiancé is unrealistic and self-centered. Your fiancé complains of your distant behavior... You are walking on egg shells because of all this !

Result: you get a distant spouse !

2) On cloud nine: You are getting self engrossed. It’s the other extreme form when you have chosen to get distant from people and you are preoccupied with yourself and your fiancé. You fail to notice what is happening around you. You feel overwhelmed to see the reality and you shut down. You are in an air castle to such an extent that you don’t like those who approach you for some discussion. When pressed to say something, you give the final words with a scream and expect everyone to accept them. You don’t care if you are hurting your family and old friends. You feel, “after all I have to live with someone else”. You don’t want to talk about the reality matters of your family to your fiancé. You feel entitled to do this and you hate anyone who tries to talk to you.

Result: you get a distant family !

Perhaps a right combination of head in clouds with both feet firm on ground is what one needs to avoid any extreme side.