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Walk through his own boulevard... Welcome to Matt's Blog |
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I know I stole the title from a song by Green Day but only because this covers most of my past and well how I feel now and I guess I'll look into the future too because this is where all my ramblings are going to be held. All the things that go through my mind, so sometimes it'll be completely random and you probably won't have a clue what I'm talking about but other times you will understand. Pretty please don't judge what you read here because this isn't just a story this is life for some of us, I'd appreciate it if you respected that... Oh yeah if you tend to be a bit more fluffy then I would strongly advise you not to walk down this road, this is a story that happened... so there is nothing to blunt the truth. (For Staryl : omae wa mada hanatarekozai (jks)) |
| Ah the meaning of life. And I'm apologising in advance for the taking of your time which I suppose is inevitable if you're reading this. But it's what happens when I get into the pointless debates of philosophy in both life, death and of course the miraculous man that turned water into wine. He'll always bring up some sense of resentment. I don't suppose it does mean anything to you but I'll say it despite it all. And I'm sorry… I don’t know why this time. I just felt the need to say it to someone… perhaps it's the human need to communicate. But I was hurt… I think it's the penalty for loving the dead. Pain. I wont go there I will just say it… God cannot exist. Fact. Or if he does, then our predestined paths cannot be altered, in which case suicide cannot be sin. But when a dear class mate of mine became fixated on the fact that 'it's sin! Sin! SIN!' I had to stand up for the boy I saw destroy himself. I couldn’t stand by. And so to my rebuttal she snipes 'no his dad was just a freak'… and that wounded me once and reopened the old… I recovered of course, it's indisputably my greatest ability; to compose myself quicker than you can say the word 'devilish'… that's a fun word… like cantaloupe. Very amusing to try and say fast. But we started to debate Jesus… the bible… whether or not there are shades of grey or just black and white, right and wrong, light and dark… She argues for the plain and simple… I cannot say I can understand how something can be completely right or completely wrong. If I was to save your life by stealing a sum of money from a wealthy man is it wrong? Can it be considered sin if it results in the salvation of another? I don’t know… I don’t know if care… Should I force myself to? What are your thoughts my passionate British intelligentsias? |
| Name: Syke Age: 15 Gender: Male Race: Laralakiran(Wanderers) An uncommon race as they like their name never stay in one place. All never feel at home, if they stay in a place to long they begin to feel encased and bonded. As an ally they are good, loyal friends but as enermy and you will not be around for long. Attitude: Syke is not one to be pushed around and he prefers his own company. He is normally a calm person even in his anger he is calm but if he truelly hates someone then nothing will stop him. He is a shadow in the corner of the alley or the ghost amongst the trees. But he is blind and he resents that. Yet sometimes he knows he can see farther then anyone else. Looks: He has faintly tanned skin and black hair. His grey/blue eyes, unseeing but deep, hold an intense knowing in them and constantly change to suit his mood. In the Town of Ciairlion where he was brought up with the elfes he is considered uncommonly handsome but with an edge. On his back is a thin scar and there is another similar down his neck, this is from a fight with a Switcher. Clothing: He where's black naturally. His cape is that of black elvish thread and it covers his black trousers and black shirt. These are flowing and long. He wheres a heavy chain around his neck that was given to him at birth and around his left wrist is a manacle that he supposedly was cut from when he was little and no elf could remove it. Strengths: He is a strong fighter and can go for seven days without sleep. If he likes he can walk over the mountains in a day and back. his intuition hardly ever fails him. He can see in many ways than others. Weaknesses: His blindness slows him down. He finds it hard to talk to others without scaring them or sounding condesending. Power/gift: He is a phycic (eg. telekinetic, can control others, predict things). He can become a shadow (except he doesn't know that). Also he can talk to animals. in a way they are his eyes. Weapon: An ancient sword that contains a sacred spirit and a staff which he uses much more and is also used to guide him with his steps. Name: Kami (Kah-Mee) Age: unknown Gender: Female Race: Shape shifter Mannerisms: She's very paranoid when she first meets someone, always cautious until she's absolutly certain she can trust someone. She's been severly betrayed before, and her amnesia only increases her suspicions of other people. But after one gains her trust, she becomes a loyal companion and will stand by that persons side, even to the death. Kami is very attuned to nature, being a shapeshifter, especially towards other creatures. Looks: In her human form she has the body of a young teen. Green eyes, black hair, about five feet tall. Her body is very flexible. Clothing: As a shapeshifter she doesn't wear any. But when she's human, she'll wear whatever she has available. Strengths: Kami is especially attuned to nature and the spiritual aspects of nature. Physically her body is very flexible, making her fighting skills as a human very efficiant. Weaknesses: Kami's heart is sometimes to soft, and her sympathy sometimes leads her into trouble. As a human because she appears as an adolescent, she is not physically strong when comparing muscle strength. Her suspicion of others is also a weakness that causes her to wander alone. Power/gift: Shape shifting. She can turn into any creature. Weapon: None. As a shape shifter she cannot carry other items and preferes to travel lightly. For Kami claws and fangs of the beasts she turns into are her weapons. Name: Zalabaster Age: 2798 Gender: Male Race: Genie (not wishes) Mannerisms: Zalabaster is very intellegent and wise, even for one of his age. While young compared to genie standards, he has some of the greatest wisdom of any genie. While clumsy, he is always willing to do the right thing, even if his master is evil, like his current master, The Grand Vizini. Looks: Zalabaster has blue skin, pointy ears, no hair and flies on his tornado spinning tail. He possesses many scars on his back from the whip lashes from his current master, Vizini. He has no pupils in his eyes. Clothing: He only wears a silk crimson vest and a large gold earing on his eye brow. Strengths: Zalabaster isstrong in the ways of illusion and lightning magic. his high intelligence and wisdom can get him out of many situations. Weaknesses: Due to a disease from a young age he is very weak compared to most genies. He is very unhealthy. Powers/Gifts: Zalabaster actually has a efreeta (red genie) bonded with him. Efreeta's are natual enermies of genies. Using the power of the efreeta inside of him he can invoke the power of fire apon them. Weapons: Zalabaster is only armed with an Order Blade. A scimitar, that can sometimes put the enermy to sleep when struck. Name: Eliana Romingdale Age: The human equivilent is about 19 or 20 but really she's in the hundreds. Gender: FemALE Race:Angel Mannerisms: Quiet, peaceful, helpful. Protects people whenever she can. She dislikes fighting but will if she must. Looks: Long blond hair, slightly wavy. Light blue eyes most of the time but the change with her mood with long lashes. She's about 5'6 with a slim build but not stick thin. Well enough endowed. Has a pair of white wings in her angel form but most of the time she goes around in human form as not to atract attention. Clothing: Wears white all the time and favours a long white cloak worn by her great grandmother. Her hair is usaully tied back in a white ribbon. Also a moonstone never leaves her neck . Powers/Gifts: Flight and white magic are her gifts. White magic includes anything that purifies, protects or heals. For instance, if something evil is attaking, with her power she can conjure a sheild to protect herself and others if nessessary. Say the sheild fails and all seems lost, she can transport herself and others a short ditance (as in eyesight range) away from the danger point. Quite simple really. Weapon: She does not really need one. Her powers protect her. If some mugger or other criminal or evil being attemps to knife her, his knife would disintergrate any way. Name: Finwe Age:24 (in human years) Gender:Male Race: Numenorean Mannerisms: Finwe is bouncy and imaginative but can be serious if need be. He takes destiny and dreams very seriously. Although he enjoys fighting he will not slay just for fun. In his eyes there has to be a reason to kill. Looks: Brown hair and brown eyes, except at night when they glow and eery green. They also go this colour when he is angry or fighting. He has slightly tanned skin. His cloths are typically of the Numenorean Elves. (if you do not know what that is. think Legolas.) Strengths: He is stealthy from sneaking around his village at night and natural elvish trait. his grandfather forged the tribal sword 13,675 years ago (elves live forever unless they are slain). He has a sharp mind which can get him out of tight spots and even when his plans do not work they can buy minutes. Weaknesses: His imagination sometimes gets carried away and is occasionally not serious enough in bad situations. When he fights, battle rage sometimes takes over. Reallys alot on destiny. Powers/gifts: When he was born he was picked out as the bearer of the tribal sword (magically possessed sword). He can see in the dark and always lands on his feet when he falls as is. He is also able enough to wield the powers of the ancient Numenoreans. Weapon: The Clan Sword, and he finds the Shield of Tears. The Sword can sense demons and the dead. (This is added)Destiny: He believes it is his destiny to protect the Seer. As he thinks that if he does not the future of Pheado is hopeless. This bio will be continued at a later date. © Copyright 2003 Matt - BACK (UN: dragoon362 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved. Matt - BACK has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work. |
| The beauty of uncertainty is that it motivates us too seek certainty. We are compelled to replace doubt with conviction, to replace confusion with clarity, to be more fearful of old ideas instead of new ones. Nothing is more disparaged than the person who is lost, hesitant, and anxious. Yet the true path to fufillment comes from these conditions. Uncertainty becomes truly beautiful when connected with the certainty that there is a better life beyond the life that is known. The artist, scientist, entrepreneur, athlete, and traveler: all embrace uncertainty as their muse. What is going to happen next is more enticing than what is happening now. The thrill of anticipation, the mystery of the unknown, the open road, mistakes as portals of discovery, the inevitability of change, purpose from chaos, questions leading to answers, failure as the threshold of knowledge. All of these conditions inform the life of the adventurer, the human being who is engaged in becoming. The beauty of uncertainty is that it prepares us to embrace life in the face of death. Allows us the strength to deal with the freedom to choose. To willingly exchange the fear of uncertainty for the security of certainty is to admit defeat. To surrender to the fear of actually living your life. Nothing moves forward except by the craving to seek certainty from uncertainty |
| What is love? What is the love of God? What is the love of a parent? What is the love of a man? What is the love of a woman? Is it the unconditional acceptance of another in your life? Is it romance late at night? Is it the mutal understanding between partners? Is it knowing that someone else somewhere is feeling the exact same thing as you are and you just willing them to be stronger, to be better, to have hope, to hold onto the inch of integrity we all need so desperately? What is love? Do I want to know? |
You kept talking about your alcoholism as if it was something that you enjoyed. Maybe you did... It meant my sister gave you attention. It meant that you could 'drown' in yourself and pretend you hadn't a problem in the world. We all have problems. You just wanted yours to show. Or maybe you didn't... From catatonia you brought me back. You made me more complete. And I respected you. I never loved you. No matter hat you think. Tomcat, you were a tragic moment and yet you made me euphoric. There was something about you that I could laugh with and joke with. There was something that even now i miss. But I hated it. I cant explain the thoughts in my head right now. It's all just so fucked up. So if you ever see this I hope you know i'm happier without you even though i'm sad. Jay will hold my hand because you cant rip us apart anymore. Cheerio my hated angel. |
Long time no add. Oh well, I guess that's what happens when other things take up your time. But on the bright side, my father's out of my life now, Jay and I are pretty much happy and life seems to be turning over onto the second side of the coin. *grins* Sometimes life kicks you to the ground but I guess it also gives you a helping hand back to your feet. And the manor can tumble to the ground, Take it's bitter parfum. It can lie in ruins and the man can come. The man with his skeletal grin. |
I loved a guy. His name was Robbie. I loved him so much I promised him that I'd never try to kill myself again. It was real. When I was with him I never thought about death, life, only the fact I loved him with all my heart. He died. Never trust life to be fair because as soon as it gives you something: BAM! There will be some one who is determined to drive their car into them. Right when they're reovering from something... When everything looks like it's going to be alright. Now it's been a long while. I still hate life without him. I still see every day as some kind of chore simply because that's how it feels. It hurts to be so.... Alone. Except Jay doesn't want me to be alone. He wants to help me to 'get over' the one I loved so feircely. I don't believe it possible. I sort of wonder if I want it to move on or if I want to love my lost angel forever. Jay's always been my best friend. Ever since forever. Ever since his own father... Yeah... So what am I to do when he now wants to be more than friends. I know he knows I'm gay. He knows I know he's never exactly been straight as a pole or anything.... More than friends when every second I feel as if I'm missing something? Confusion. |
I look around and I see no light coming from the sun. It's as if the more I gain the more I fight and the closer I move to the sun the further I step from the light. I could just let it all fall into the oblivion that I have been promised now. Except there's family to think of. A sister I have to care for. And though we're all so afraid of dancing along the edge it's as if we relished the sad way we twist and turn to hop across the dark flight down. You can't understand until you've seen it, the embrace of utter darkness, but it's something we all look in the every time we do something. Everything is so confusing, so incomprehensible. It's all the bigger picture. |
| There's never enough time in the world to be spent with the one you love. My angel flies again now. Flies high above the clouds. Flies so high that he's gone. Without me. A while back he made me promise I wouldn't leave without him. Because he knew I'd tried to kill myself twice before... I would never have gone anywhere without him. I love him... Even though he's gone... We never thought that he'd be the one to go, but illness and hate always catch up with us. Give me a reason to live. Tell me one good reason now why I shouldn't go. Love is a dream. Seize it with two hands and never let it go. |
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