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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| A day doesn't go by that either I clear up a misconception or start to question everything I know about something. I think I need to understand the difference between what is a Torah commandment and what is a custom for that particular thing. One example is lighting candles. I have been lighting candles to usher in the Shabbat (or turning on battery operated ones) for more than a year now. As far as I knew, women were the main ones to light candles (unless a man lived alone). I always thought we were supposed to light two candles whether married or unmarried (one for you and one for your soulmate). I even read articles about lighting two candles in your dorm room. Recently, I have heard and seen that only one candle should be lit by a single woman and she only lights two after being married. Even after getting divorced, she never lights less candles than the previous Shabbat. In both cases, lighting another candle after having a child is an optional custom, and the more children a married couple has, the more candles are lit. This just leads me to even more questions because I am a convert. I am divorced. I have four children. However, once I finish my conversion, I am told that it is the same as being a newborn child. My children will not be halachically mine (even though they will be physically and mentally). Does that mean I should light one candle? Should I light 5 candles? Should I light 2 candles? Then there is the new question of where to light. If I am not going to be home for Shabbat dinner, do I light where I am eating, or do I light at home and go to dinner? I always thought that lighting should be done over where you are going to eat Shabbat dinner as part of bringing in the Shabbat, even if that was not at home. I have learned that others think differently. Why is something that seems so simple now so complicated? |
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