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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| I stayed up until 1 am cleaning and preparing my house for Pesach (Passover). I washed all clothes that were dirty or could have possibly had crumbs on them, covered my stove, my kitchen counters, taped closed my cabinets, and wrapped my table and side table in plastic wrapping. Wrapping a table in plastic wrap at 11:30 at night does not look pretty. There is a tradition to hide 10 pieces of chametz around the house, and then go around with a lit candle, a wooden spoon, and a feather to find them. It wasn't until Midnight that I felt that I was done preparing the house and went in search of the chametz. Multiple places that I hid the chametz left me needing to clean something more. It was after 1 before I was done. I did not find a feather, so I wore a fuzzy, feather-like scrunchie on my wrist, I waved the wooden spoon that I had just bought hours before, and I burnt my fingers multiple times on the wax from tilting the candle (in a container). I felt silly. I wondered if it was part of the purpose. If getting rid of chametz is part of getting rid of your ego, there is no way to have an inflated ego while you're walking around in the dark with a candle while waving a wooden spoon and a feather (or fuzzy feather-like scrunchie) and looking for 10 pieces of chametz that you hid yourself! I was very tired when I finished, but my bedtime prayer was back to feeling like it did when I first read the words. My mind was empty of all the overthinking and all the lessons and the what I need to do's. I felt connected to G-d. I still got up at 5am and went to work. Poor kids. Coming home and getting ready for Shabbat was actually quite easy, because I had done most of the preparing late at night and in the middle of the night. I had laundry to fold, which only took minutes, I took out the garbage one last time, changed my towels, and I was done. I have a few minutes before Shabbat begins and the holiday of Pesach follows right after. One year ago, I attended my very first Seder. I had car trouble and other issues, and then the road was on fire. It was a day that I will never forget. I made it down here to the community by a miracle. I'm looking forward to doing the Seder again this year, because it won't be new. I will be able to understand some of it from last time and get new and deeper meaning out of it this time. This year, instead of both Seders spent at one place, I am attending two Seders with two different families. I researched Eliyahu to be able to present something at the second Seder. I just printed my notes because I was way too busy to write anything formally. I did, however learn a few things and had a good conversation with my Prayer tutor about the Seder and Eliyahu. He told me a good story that I wrote down also. It's going to be difficult not to write for days. I like taking notes on what I learn and experience so I can go back and relive those moments and want to remember everything I learned. They are all too good to forget. It is now time for me to go to Shabbat dinner with my wonderful friends. I hope you have a wonderful and meaningful Shabbat and Pesach. |
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