%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| Life sucks sometimes. I'm glad that I have people that keep me focused on my goals regardless of the madness and chaos that is going on around me. Sometimes it amazes me how our lives affect others and are affected by others. Last week was parent teacher conferences. This week is spring break. The best part of the week last week was the conferences with the parents and the kids being antsy and crazy just before spring break. Those are things that normally drive a teacher to drink half of spring break (so I've heard). My whole reason for moving to this area is for conversion, however, I chose the school I currently teach at for a reason. I know that these students have a rough life outside of school. I try to give at least one hour a day that they have a safe place to be. This is very difficult when it feels like the rest of the school is fighting against this concept. I will be heading back to work on Monday with no boss and less support than what little support I already had. Students will be going back and hearing rumors about why multiple people are gone, including people they looked up to and depended on for emotional support. What am I able to tell these students who so often are abandoned by people that they care about and lean on for guidance? That the world isn't fair. That our decisions (especially immoral ones) have consequences that not only affect our lives, but also the lives of everyone around us? That we just need to learn to not make the same mistakes? That even when the world around us is erupted into chaos, and when we no longer to see those that we consider our mentors, that we must go on, persevere, and work that much harder to live our lives better? That you must find your purpose and use that as your reason to keep going on difficult days like these? How can I ask these things of these students, when part of me doesn't want to be there knowing I won't have any support the next time a kid has a meltdown or wants to fight, or cares more about texting and starting drama than listening. Also, to ask 10th and 11th graders to think of their purpose for living, seems unfair. They should be focused on homework, and video games, where they want to go to college or what job they want to do when they grow up, and how they can get the boy or girl they like to like them. Life is just unfair. With the world seemingly falling into nothing but chaos, I have been cherishing the small wonderful things around me. People can be kind and say kind things, even when they are hurting. I got my VIP card from the kosher grocery store yesterday. I spent three days with my daughter, A1, cooking her big dinners, teaching her to make latkes, buying shoes (favorite thing to do when I feel down), and made funny faces. I enjoyed my time with her so much. It was enough to remind me that even when the world is hurting, there is always something beautiful to celebrate. That is why even after tragic news and events, Jews still dance and sing. There is always something to celebrate and a time to celebrate. There is a time to cry, to be angry, and to fight. However, there is a time to just be, a time to sing, a time to dance, and a time to have hope and faith that everything happens for a reason and will be good in the end. So after days of wresting with how I am going to face work with my coworkers struggling with how to deal with the moral crisis happening around them, and how I'm going to deal with less support than ever, and how I'm going to deal with the students reactions to the change and rumors, I have gotten it together. I won't have the right thing to say to the kids. I know that. However, I will be there. I will be there and love them the same that I always have. I will do my best to show them that regardless of the things that go wrong in our lives and in our jobs, we keep going. I will leave the mess of finding a proper replacement up to those in charge, and trust Hashem to guide them. I will also trust that if Hashem thinks I would be better someplace else, that would arrange that. Otherwise, I am going to do the best I am where I am at, because until G-d says differently, that is where I am still needed. I have class tonight after a week and a half. I'm excited for it. I still don't know what is going on with my conversion at this point, but I have class today. I'm going to learn something. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
