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 |   Left-overs piled on hot rice and mixed. |
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bibimbap พีบิมบับ (pheebimbap) At home in Thailand we do something similar. At home, we make rice and top it with whatever we didn't finish from the last meal. I finally decided to use June 2022's entries for my responses to other bloggers' entries. I tend to do this daily anyways and post in my weekly 'catch-all' blog (added to every day} "Porthole"  .
Each entry to be brought to the notice of Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ and StephBee when they are running the Bard Blog Contest. For bitem:981150 sponsored by huser:webwitch and huser:sgcardin |
| I commented to Jeff on "July 2024 Watch List" I don't go out or have a television. I would watch more on-line but the internet has been wonky recently. Two Thai BLs: "1000 Year Old Vampire" So... uneven. Some of the premise makes sense in a supernatural way. A vampire can't die even though he's bored of living. He's old... very old... and keeps meeting the same human/alien again and again. That 'love story' has some merit. The final scene is moving. 12 episodes could've been condensed to 4 or 6 (so... 160 - 240 minutes total; even a 90 minute western movie would've been better). I could take the final words "Wave goodbye, Master Yoh" and rewrite it as a prequel, having it placed in 1940 (not necessarily in Bangkok), ending in 2000... with it being 'reborn' in 2020. I like the idea, not just how it's done. "Love Sea" Good acting, great chemistry, edgy at times. It tackles sex-for-pay, family abuse/neglect, criminality, and the age old "what happens when we fall in love". I love a romance when there are layers of other genres and when it takes me to a time and/or place. Episode 2 is steamy and geo-restricted but it's fitting to get past the 'sex' because that's not the story.  Both main actors are top-shelf and work well together. The niece Meena is adorable. The father is chilling (evil wrapped up in normality). It hasn't finished yet. There are 10 episodes. #9 airs August 4th. "1000YO" gets about a 6.5 rating at MyDramaList ... and that's about right imho for PG silliness. "Love Sea" is rated 8.0 and that's a tad low. The story may be a bit too 'real' for some audiences as it's 18+ and serious. These are the opening episodes to save time looking for them! IMHO, it's getting harder to find some things on-line. 1000YO: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8sq35e LoveSea: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9037r4 1257 |
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StephBee and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ I am agnostic about reincarnation. My body is worn out and my Spirit is tired of this ugly body of mostly water. I was suicidal in Thailand but no one noticed, neither here nor there. People see me smiling and interacting with the world. Even if I mention anxiety or depression it’s discounted and that merely reminds me of how invisible I was growing up, how utterly invisible I felt 1981-1999, how problems arose when I became visible. So, I’m not too thrilled by life. I can only hope that I’ve learned something along the way. I’m sure there’s more than I remember. For instance, I hadn’t thought about the newsletter I put out for years until today. That part of my life was important at one time. Now it’s nearly forgotten. I even put one out in high school! I wonder whether anyone has saved a copy. After writing hundreds of poems, will anyone keep one I wrote for them? If I’m recycled what goes forward? What would make someone recognize me? The Thai BL “Vice Versa” explores the idea of an alternate world. When Sea and Jimmy go back they try to find each other not knowing what each other looked like ‘before’. How did they succeed? They had agreed on uttering one word in greeting. What would a friend and I choose? I can only imagine. "Yes, I have met you before. I don't remember where nor when nor what your name was way back then; but, I'm happy to meet you again." But that applies to many interactions as I’ve met the same personalities, the same physical looks, the same voice, the same aura… around the world again and again.
In a twinkling in memory of Bob French Full moon over the canyon, bright star to its right. Is it Venus or Mars lighting up my sight? Something twinkles in the north. It moves through star-clouds floating east. And above darkness: stars and star-light. Which one have you traveled to? From which do you send your blessings tonight? Or did you return long ago... or never ascend, finding a new home for your soul? When I look deep into my friend's eyes is it your twinkle looking back at me? Whichever, be you starshine, the magic of moonshine, Venus or Mars... you have blessed me. Your light has caressed me through dark years and darker. Tonight, I pray that your light shines eternal knowing that the face I see in the moon could be yours, that the twinkling traversing the night watches over me, that the kindness you once showed me has never faded, nor has my memory of you. When my friend next shares his sunshine ...I'll think of you. Bob died January 1972. Gary was born October 1972. When I met Gare in 1999 he reminded me of Bob in too many ways. "This and every November [#4 Gary Mc]" This is number 12 of 12 blog entries for The Bard. Until next year,  ~500 words |
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StephBee and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ Hey, you know what paradise is? It's a lie A fantasy we created about people and places As we like them to be But you know what truth is? Those of us who are single and childless by choice or by circumstance may not agree with the message that marriage and family is what it's all about. But... there's a point to be made about being who you are. I never lead a truly hedonistic life like many do and assume, because of my age and being gay, that I must have. I learned to say "no" as a stubborn child, "going along" more than once while still thinking "no". Perhaps that's why I was never truly hedonistic. I could never let go... of fears, upbringing, other people's imposed limitations. I didn't quite learn how to say "yes" and when I did I didn't have proper boundaries. And without boundaries... I didn't know that it was okay to be me. But thanks to Kevin, Keith, therapists and teachers I grew in spite of that. Kevin's acceptance and Keith's deep insight were key moments in my life. However, stumbling around in life like a rough stone in a tumbler lead to pieces of me breaking off. Some of those pieces I still mourn. But what's left? Maybe the essence of who I am, in a kinder gentler but authentic-at-the-core kinda way. So what words describe me: 1. generous... used to describe me... as in "generous to a fault". But it's still a part of me. 2. sensitive... definitely. It helps in experiencing the world emotionally. 3. anxious... yeah. Not proud of it but I worry too much. Possibly a resault of trauma. 4. dreamer... a way to escape reality and boredom. 5. indecisive... I avoid making decisions until I'm sure or until I must. Where has this lead? Few close friends and running away. But my travels, my writing, my openness to strangers has gifted me in ways that most folks won't experience. It has also lead to "poverty" as my life has been enriched by experiences but not money. Since being poor is a crime in America it has lead to problems that I had to overcome. Not fun. But, once again, I survived, many have not. Do I like myself? Am I satisfied? I'm not a finished product yet. I'm still not a gem. This short piece may be depict of how I often feel:
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StephBee and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ My health is failing. Much of that is my own fault. I lament that I live in a backwards country... but still don't go to the doctor. Teeth: had perfect teeth growing up. They now need to be pulled. I need implants or dentures. I'm having problems eating certain things. Legs: neuropathy or psoriasis or both? I've had DVT three times but this seems unrelated. I monitor swelling but itching and broken skin is a bad sign. Circulation... I was diagnosed with high blood pressure after being homeless. I need to find out whether there is blockage, whether I need a stent, whether I need meds or a diet or both. Shortness of breath limits me at times. Mind... slipping! But I don't know how badly... and whether I should be concerned. I try to stay active but I've often had too much on my mind. I need reminders. I was healthier in Thailand: my skin, my diet, my daily exercise... and Pan helping and checking on me. Bottom line: I'm not taking care of myself. 1007 |
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StephBee and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ Getting lost can be frustrating when one is in a hurry. Otherwise, it can be delightful. One sees what one didn't expect. I wasn't lost in Paris. I took a photo of the Eiffel Tower from the Obélisque ... I wasn't about to walk that far. True... I was just wandering around. That's what I do. I wasn't lost in Pest either. I walked from the bus station to my hostel. I saw a homeless encampment under the highway ramp and stopped for roasted chestnuts. Not lost. When I worked I knew alternative routes home in case the roads were blocked by snow or traffic. I learned to love back-roads. I was never "lost" for long. In Bremen... I was lost. But I managed to see the Big Brick Elephant. Even took a picture. On my wanderings back... I walked through a very pleasant neighborhood thinking, I could live here. I never felt I was at risk. All I needed to do was say "Roland" or "Musikanten". Both are in the center and it's easy to orientate oneself from there. Costa Rica? Don't ask directions! No one knows nor can they explain. Most people are helpful but "take a lazy left at the old church that burnt down 30 years ago" doesn't really help. Ticos know a place if they have been there... if not? Better to ask a tourist. Local police tend to be out-of-towners. Do you know the way to San José? Find the local bus station and ask. But be aware... there's more than one San José in Costa Rica. I've lived in the Big One.  Nope. I'm seldom afraid of getting lost. ~275 words 999 |
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StephBee and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ Take it away! Loss isn't always bad. New Year's Eve 1999... very sick. Suspected my appendix but it was a weekend and a holiday. I went to my doctor's on January 2nd or 3rd (Monday). I called friends to take me there. Yep. Poke here, poke there. "Take him to the hospital." It was a couple blocks away. They called ahead. Poke ... ouch! Yep. Appendix has to go! They operated that afternoon. Surgeon was great. No problems. I only had to stay 2 nights. But... doctor told me the necrosis was at the base which wasn't good... but he got it all. 24 years appendix free! Except for my writing. I was off work for at least 6 weeks. My big boss didn't want me back until I was sure. He'd had peritonitis. ... 80's... car crash... I was the pickle in the middle. Friends found me wandering and took me to an all-night Greek restaurant. They thought I'd been assaulted (that was 2 years earler, same weekend, same corner) and took me to the hospital (same hospital all 3 times), found my wallet and called my uncle  ; my cousin called my sister.Stayed in hospital for about one week. Called the Mertz instead of the Metz (only one digit difference in phone number). Oddly, before I had a fear of dying in a car crash... but not after. The fear went *poof* along with short-term memories. My car was totalled and I was 'out of it' longer than I realised. Lost a year of memory... before and after. I only remember my sister visiting, "What day is it" and, "Romper Room"... ... and "Never Gonna Give You Up", Rick Astley. Somethings you hold onto! But not your appendix nor your fear. ~290 words 983 |
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StephBee and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ "People just don’t want to fall in love with a person they know they’ll outlive." It stings. This is the story prompt for "Write From the Heart - Story Contest" I should write something for the contest. Until then:I do think this also applies to many relationships, including pets. It also echos how nomads/refugees/students feel about a place they must leave. And the reverse... as one ages it's hard to fall for someone/something/someplace when you know you'll die soon. So... yeah... it's one reason why I gave up fighting to maintain an intimate relationship with Pan. The age gap was too much. May to September is awkward, May to December a tad ridiculous. Still, it had it's good points. We both needed stability. I learned a lot; hopefully, he did too. We keep in touch; that door's not locked. I also needed to learn to let go. I struggle with letting go. In the past I could sing "You can't hurry love" I waited and waited... And "love don't come easy"... been there too. "It's a game of give and take" which is what Pan and I worked on. The language and cultural barriers didn't help. Moving forward: "Love Knows Not Time" would be a good title for a new poem, story, collection. I need to keep my options open until the lid of the coffin closes. An old bluesy poem that's appropriate:
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| I haven't looked at this for 6 weeks... I'm getting older... I'm already old. At my age I need to be careful of balance and any bruises or breaks. My skin does not look good for instance and it's hard to check my toes; although, I do occasionally scrub them with a small brush I brought back from Thailand. I abhor labels and name-calling; but, I also call out the bigots I grew up with (who were mostly of one ethnicity). Individuals? I can love those regardless. Most people acquire more experience as they grow up. In God's Waiting Room that doesn't include everyone. Fear and ignorance sadly abound among the elderly. Travel helps. But not just a tourist's view. Live in a small farm town, live in the 'ghetto', learn another language, talk to people of different religions, associate with the young and old. I am blessed that I can still travel and can stay in hostels. I feel my age; but, I'm healthier mentally by leaving my comfort zone. Flexibility is a key. I note my personal situation (they call it TMI) and observe my surroundings. It keeps me real and present. Louis Williams re "That Time Crash Accidentally Cast Fireball" : I really liked this. It could easily be a separate item (marked as short story or chapter) and entered into a contest. Seriously. It's quite relatable. (barefoot) I fell flat on my back a few months back because the bathroom floor was flooded. My elbow cracked and didn't heal for two months. (socks) And today I nearly fell on a waxed floor. (sandals) I don't dare wear my sandals when it has rained or the slick-as-snot sidewalk has been 'watered'. Yes, there's a theme here. I also relate to the hope of "eighty and not in a wheelchair". Apondia re "Stay on Track." : I think I need to do a survey on sexuality and gender. So many people have not had interactions with the LGBTQ community. I had a friend who was an "I for intersex" and know an "A for asexual" ... Historically there was an "E for eunuch" (and I suspect that category still exists).So much easier to just suspend the labels and call people by their name/nickname or title: Vaughn, Officer Paula, Miss Jessica, Duck, Teacher Nessy... No one needs to inspect another person's underwear. As for 'snowed under' ... well it's spring ... this too shall melt. IceSkatingSugarCube re "Windsor" : Did you drive past these places or get in? I remember taking a hop-on-hop-off bus in Cape Town, RSA that just went around town explaining as we went. I prefer to walk but that's not feasible everywhere.I need to either take pictures or take notes to remember details. They tend to blur. 862 |
| Flowers have always had meaning to me. My first gardens had (French) marigolds and portulaca. Both very easy to grow on the hard clay we called a back yard. I've written many poems and short stories with a flower as a talisman. Even today I picked up a plumeria to smell it. Last night I plucked a jasmine. If I get lucky there'll be gardenias in bloom when I look tonight; if not, they will bloom soon. The national tree/flower "golden showers" (a cassia) is in regal bloom. I posted a picture on fookbase. I shared my garden growing up. I shared it when I had a house. Bury me in a garden. An elm tree at my head. "O Lord! Make me a brilliant lamp, a shining star and a blessed tree, adorned with fruit, its branches overshadowing all these regions." — ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Bahá’í Prayers, p. 186-187 To sindbad I need to be reminded of this "This story is all about life. It teaches us that We must GIVE before We can RECEIVE Abundantly." when I write a poem for/about someone. My meagre words may have meanings even I don't recognise. Recently, Rosemary thanked me for a poem I wrote for her years ago. And then within 24 hours I received a review for it here (after years of few views and no reviews).
To Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏: I remember Mrs. Blumen's irises. I believe she gifted me one when I was a pre-teen. Ours were mostly blue, purple or yellow. My fav was one that smelled like root beer. "In search of Iris" "Blue iris [#26 Irene Blumen] " To KingsSideCastle: Sunflowers are in bloom at the local wat in Udon Thani. I posted a picture on bookface and added this: "Sunflower (tan tawan), which means resistant to the sun, indicating strength and moving in the right direction. A bouquet of sunflowers is a message of goodwill and well-wishing to the receiver.". The sunflower plays a role in the Thai BL "Last Twilight" (a decent series with good acting imho). |
| I prefer to write in my dialect, regardless of what spell-check and grammarians think. I'm not writing academic essays nor am I trying to impress the elite members of society. I do use standard language at times and I often speak slow and enunciate. I'm aware of my 'audience'. Some folks from other lands marvel at how they can understand me! It's not magic... but takes some effort at times. Love is another language. In Thai it lives in the proper forms of address, the intimate pronouns, the exclamations and body language. Thai is contextual, visual, personal. Also tasty! One can show love by feeding someone, offering food, showing up with their fav food. Me? I never learn quite what works. I have made friends over the years and some people actually like me; but, anything more intimate is problematic. It's 'safer' to love at a distance... and lonelier. In person I tend to hide-in-plain-sight. People can read me like a book. However, I do mirror/camouflage... very helpful in connecting with strangers (thought: "Left Hand of Darkness" by Ursula Le Guin). It's hard for me to mask. But I must be successful as few ever guess how wounded I feel at times. I've written a lot about how I feel in my blogs and in my poetry. I'm sure it leaks out in my 'stories' as well. If I ever get bored (as opposed to listless like this moment) I should reread what I wrote years ago, edit, make an item, share here or elsewhere. To s: Spell check and grammar programs don't cope well with dialects. Both will be the death of expression. Language lives in dialects. Would you say most Australians can speak a standard dialect or at least understand one? To Sumojo: I believe Neruda was writing sonnets to his wife; although, I don't doubt your viewpoint. I remember falling in love 57 years ago. I was 14. But 'love' has never gotten me anywhere, other than helping me survive. There are different types of love. Her in the western colony we obsess with romantic/sexual love. The sex, however, must never be directly shown; we're cultural prudes. Neruda wrote 100 sonnets for his future wife. I mostly love (pine) from afar. To jabberwocky: I mirror, camouflage and mask... is it protection? or a way to connect? I dunno. Finding the right therapist is daunting. I've been lucky... twice. 18 years of this and that for me here [at WDC]. My early days were more productive and higher quality than the last four years though. *Sad* I need to reread and edit what I have stored here. 812 |
| I miss old contests that stretch my poetic mussels (not a typo... on porpoise) and made me think like an octopus in a jar... how the hell... do I get out of here? I'm eating squid with rice today. I added onion, garlic, carrots, mushrooms (enokitake). A bit bland but bland will do this fiercely hot afternoon. It's hazardous to go out due to heat and pollution. Time to enter a contest? Write a little? This old body wants to take a nap... and there's no one stopping me. To Choconut: One I can add to my collection [re merit badge]. I really appreciate earning merit badges. I already entered this round [of Shadows & Light] but need to find one for the next. Still hoping that Taboo and Verdant come back some day. They both served a purpose. Is it time? or gps? or lack of interest? or lack of judges? Oriental is another contest (not yours... but...) that would be worth restarting. innerlight: It's poetry month! I'm cooking vegetable rice with pickled squid at the moment. It may be finished.  I exercised this morning in the humid heat. Now 97° at noon. We could use rain but a week of 100+ and not a drop in sight. Thunder and stormy tomatoes? My eyes... have seen the gory...  I can walk up and down the hot hall here but it's too toasty with bad air to do my regular walking outside. Movement is life. Keep moving. To tracker: Breathe. Choose one task and do it. Breathe again. When you're calm... do another. This is why I seldom enter month-long contests. They frazzle my nerves and that can aggravate my mood swings. For me, at this age, I do what I can. I cannot promise to meet other people's expectations. I thought about GoT but I'm not a big fan of the series. I'd be from some minor house in the fields around Florent or on a small unimportant island. We common folk have stories too; just stories that never make the histories of kings and kingdoms. That said, I'm a dragon 🐉, but more like a blue-green (azure?) dragonet (fire-lizard) of Pern. |
| I haven't written in this blog yet in 2024. Why? I liked the concept but didn't get much support. It just didn't seem to matter. That said... why today? Well... Pan gave me hug and said he'd be here the next couple days. This means a lot to me. It's been a rocky two months and I leave on Thursday. I'll be going on hiatus soon... maybe Sunday when I'm back in Montana. I'll be cutting back on my robot nannies. I won't have to add shoveling or cleaning toilets to my chores but I need to make daily progress on uncluttering and cleaning. When I see snow being shoveled I think of my mother. She loved winter. I, on-the-other-hand, loved Spring and Autumn. Was my father's season summer? I'll have to ask my sisters. Both of my brother-in-laws passed the last few years. I didn't get to say goodbye to either. That hurts. As one grows old the list of the 'missing' grows longer. I'm still here. Still drinking too much coffee. Still... at least I didn't spread my wings to fly off the 8th floor balcony. It would have left a mess for others to clean up and hurt people close to me. To Save the Turkeys!: 1. We have robot nannies... TakTak, Bookfate, cdw... 2. I am blessed in Montana. Others shovel. Growing up my mother shoveled. She loved winter. 3. I need to unclutter and clean before I leave Udon Thani and when I arrive in Missoula. My life skills... were missing. I've patched some of the holes; but still don't like doing some things so I keep it simple. Or I avoid. No need to work for others at my age so I don't. To innerlight The need for new clothes... priceless!  I seldom drink soda but coffee...  . 3in1 has creamer and sugar. In Thailand I boil my water. Filtered water is cheap in this condo; but... boiling = tea or coffee. I maintain weight by exercising and walking. Next week in Montana I'll probably have to eat less and walk more. To G. B. Williams My condolences.I believe the Soul returns to whence it came; but, those of us left behind feel the loss. K. From the Baha'i Writings: O SON OF THE SUPREME! I have made death a messenger of joy to thee. Wherefore dost thou grieve? I made the light to shed on thee its splendor. Why dost thou veil thyself therefrom? O SON OF SPIRIT! With the joyful tidings of light I hail thee: rejoice! To the court of holiness I summon thee; abide therein that thou mayest live in peace for evermore. O SON OF SPIRIT! The spirit of holiness beareth unto thee the joyful tidings of reunion; wherefore dost thou grieve? The spirit of power confirmeth thee in His cause; why dost thou veil thyself? The light of His countenance doth lead thee; how canst thou go astray? – Baha’u’llah, The Hidden Words, pp. 11-12. |
| Posted here so I don't lose these thoughts. I could easily do a personal blog in response to either. I do use my silly power to disarm. I find Thais responsive to small jokes and any effort to poorly speak their language. It especially helps me in the market. And expats... if I can get them to crack a smile... *sigh* I felt isolated growing up in a factory town. Very slighted at times. Extremely shy. I feel that way now. I do guard my privacy. Not as much as I used to. Afterall... the Past is past... isn't it? Not in today's world and false accusations and fake news makes any use of social media treacherous. To Mouse says gobble gobble: I was considered 'silly' as a child. Perhaps it was my power to disarm? I also smiled a lot... when I wasn't hiding. I was very shy. Nowadays I do silly things just to get someone to smile. I find that it adds a bit of joy. I grew up in a factory town... maybe that influenced me a tad. To Words Whirling 'Round: They were sometimes cast in the role of 'blunt object' in a murder mystery (the only thing you can murder with a smartphone is a person's reputation). At my age I'm becoming less protective of my privacy; but, recent world events have brought to light the need for more privacy, not less. Nations are becoming very protective of their image, and journalists or even common citizens with an opinion are the target of their wrath. Video of Floyd's murder was appropriate imho; but, mere finger pointing to destroy another's reputation (or false accusations like Giuliani did) is NOT. 500 views ... 279 words. |
| Pan gave me a make-over. And then he took photos! A couple turned out really good. It made him happy to use his camera, lights and 'mirror'. Make-up and photography cheer him up. But... I had to beg him to come look at two places near-by. Kangaroo and Aek Udon both have rooms. 4500/6000/8000/10000 baht. Lumphini is 6500. The problem is in the details, our relationship, visa issues, rental issues. The timing sucks. What do I want? To go to Malaysia or Cambodia for a few days. Cross by land, not fly. Rent for an additional 2 or 3 months. Basically kick the can down the road. But, I have to deal with Pannya, a landlord, Thai immigration... I'll miss Loy Kratung... not happy. I like local festivals but Pan seems oblivious and the expats seem disinterested and no one finds anything important enough to mention to me. The lack of enthusiasm is numbing. TV went on the fritz. I watch BL series here in Thailand. I don't have a TV in Montana and subscriptions are expensive. I can always watch on youtube... or not watch at all. In the series I watch I've noted how casting friends-in-real life helps build chemistry on the screen. Enemies to friends is a common plot arch. It was crucial imho in A Tale of Thousand Stars as Mix was inexperienced. Earth wanted him as a co-star and it was near-perfect. I highly recommend it. In "He's Coming To Me" Mes is the main character... and a ghost. It's essential to the plot. But mere adding a ghost is suspect imho. It does add something to Harry Potter though. 'Comfort Zone' A cottage, a cat, a window looking out at my garden. Traveling, however, provides movement and new experiences. I want both. But as to semantics... 'comfort zone', 'food', 'hurricane' etc. can be defined narrowly to the point of pedantry and totally miss the larger picture. To Lyn's a Witchy Woman in "Nov. 19th toilet fun and quotes" : I liked the food mentioned. Different foods here. I do add squash, carrots, potatoes and green papaya to my rice. I like sweets but my go-to is anything chocolate. I have a couple rubber duckies but no yellow-ducky stories. I grew up using an outhouse every August; but, again, no stories. Pan just got out of the shower and "attacked" me while I was writing this comment; but, nothing to share (wish I did  ). To ♥noVember tHiNg♥ in "Mini Review of The Crown and Gilded Age (Spoilers)" : Not all seasons/episodes/chapters/books are equal. I really like Harry Potter Book 4 but the movie was a disaster, imho. I detested Book 5 but the movie was much better. Staunton may have been better cast as Umbridge than Queen Elizabeth. Casting and writing can make it or break it. The ghost device in a docudrama would bother me. I don't have Netflick/HBO/Max/etc. so I probably will never see either. To Sum1's Home in "Los Angeles, Sixth Time This Year!" : I know that flexibility is a 'virtue'... I'm trying to practice that but it's hard when I'm on my own dime. Must straighten out lodging for December/January should I decide to stay here in Udon Thani. To renew my visa I may have to go to Cambodia or Malaysia... bad timing. Too bad we can't meet in LA. Staying put is an option but it may come with a one-year lease... not what I want. Having a home to come to is nice. My health is iffy but no surgery in sight. I'd like to keep it that way. Neuropathy, blood pressure and liver need to be checked. I don't want meds either, but may have to face that choice. Carpal tunnel would limit my writing... some folks would rejoice in that! Of course... there are voice programs.  To Silent Majority (YCC): "These land-canes and hybrid storms and who-knows-what storms need to be tracked and garner serious warnings. Too much focus on hurricanes allows the not-so-sexy storms to get away with murder. Naming them might help because that's what people expect. Plus... the debate on what to call a storm doesn't make it any less lethal." 668 words |
| When I first joined I felt connected here; but that was 2005 (before bookface), and society has changed since then. Much more divided, unwilling to engage, less civil. WDC isn't immune. There are many societal taboos I no longer let silence me. I'm highly opinionated (not always right) and have been blocked by a few people, but I don't think I've blocked anyone. However, on FB I put a few people on pause during US election time. WDC can be used for storage, eliciting comments or reviews to work on one's craft, provide a forum for ideas, or a place to chat with other writers. Many various uses. Personally, I rarely give reviews and rarely respond. Blogs are my preference. My writing style can be summed up as "short", more Emily Dickensen or Basho/Busan/Issa (I wish!) than Tennyson or Whitman. Longer poems are broken up into segments. My prose tends more towards flash fiction than epic tomes. Same with games. Although I like the quest factor of D&D, I'd rather play Clue. And I refuse to play all-day Monopoly. Multiple Scrabble games would be better. However, I have enjoyed a few 500+ page books but prefer to read them in one sitting. And Thai BL series are okay because most run 8-12 episodes. M*A*S*H was broken up into bite-size bits but General Hospital or soap operas/novelas in general? I'm not thrilled with the prospect of living alone. Roslyn Carter, age 96, died today... at home. I'd like that; but, it's not likely my future. And married 77 years! Until then I'd like to sit in pubs/diners/cafes and shoot-the-shit. The Newsfeed, QotD, Express it in Eight, can help but don't satisfy my need for "face-time" or hugs. If I were in Montana... I'd be talking about 'the game'. Montana defeated Montana State and enter the playoffs as a #2 seed. Home field until the championship. I won't hold my breath. Lots of news about Miss Universe. I do think they've made strides regarding diversity and inclusivity. Miss Colombia, Guatemala, Netherlands, Portugal and Pakistan were "firsts". My heroine? Miss Nepal. Her swimsuit walk was incredible. She moved with elegance and confidence. She'll open doors for others who aren't 'barbie-dolls'. I've mentioned my Swedish roots many times. I do wonder which characteristics have been handed down. I grew up in a German-Irish area and my speech reflects that. But I've also lived in Costa Rica and Thailand and traveled. That too has become a part of me. In writing... my dialect isn't standard and spell-check and grammar-check creates problems. I want my voice to shine and not be confused with a generic Mid-American or Posh-British essayist that isn't me. I worry about the GOP becoming the Q-Party advocating the establishment of the new CMTA, a one-religion, one-ethncity place where I'm no longer wanted. Let the hunt begin! And yes, we are already experiencing modern-day finger-pointing witch-hunts. And yes, WDC is not immune. I just want to look out my cottage window (in the Cotswolds?) at a bird-feeder, my gardens, a book of poems on one table, my coffee on another, cat in my lap. Someone will check on me daily, maybe help me cook and clean. The world will be peaceful, and seldom intrude on my reverie. I will walk to the pub every day and observe the old and the young... as time passes me by. To Words Whirling 'Round in "Playing Cards" "Impossible hands... I have watched pinochle and lots of bridge at the Senior Center. I won't play. I do like mahjong and love versions of rummy.I have seen younger people playing cards but smart phones have blunted any need to connect to people face-to-face. It's quite sad. I haven't played anything in a long time." To Sarah Aswell on boozface: Thank you for reminding me that there was a football game. In Kansas we always said, "Win or lose we will booze." I forget because I'm in Thailand with a 10 hour difference. That said, Miss Universe was important here today with Miss Thailand as #2 (some disappointment) while my Nicaraguan friend Raul is ecstatic. To AL on fb re fibromyalgia groups: "Hmm... the stoic Swede? Practical, seeking info, sharing details. Americans? Drama kings and queens. Is this a common stereotype or just me?" To Togldeblox (YCC): "I've never heard of the QOP; but, if the shoe pinches the toes... Yeah, but there always are those who are greedy and still try to screw the poor at every opportunity. Not always the QOP... but it does feel that way most of the time this past century." To Harlow Flick, Right Fielder in "Invalid Entry" "Pan makes sure that I smell sweet before I go out. When I live alone in a dry-cold climate like Montana I don't care so much. But here in hot sweaty Thailand it's essential to take more than one shower every day. I don't just sit in public though like I should. I could. It's great to just sit and observe. There are stories everywhere (most of them hidden from public view). Ah. That man in the gabardine suit..." 845 words 419 |
| Death... is it leaving one's Comfort Zone? After-all, whether one's 20 or 70 it's all one has ever known. In Thailand, however, the concept of rebirth is part of the culture and based on a bit of reality. Ever meet a child who reminds you of someone you once knew? Or see a youth who's the spitting image of his great-grandfather? We all study the stories of our ancestors. Maybe it's more than genes that are handed down and recycled. It's not that I believe in reincarnation... just that humans are very... human... I regret that I didn't go to visit Sonali when I had the chance (although the epidemic didn't help). I'll never meet Arun Bhatia. I'll never hear his stories other than a few that are recorded. I wonder whether anyone will feel that way about me. I mentioned to Sonali a month ago that she could take in borders, maybe a writer or two. Keep a spare room available for sojourners passing through, call her abode the "House of Hufflepuff". Would you stay there? As a fellow Hufflepuff, I'd want to meet all her Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor friends. Hufflepuff's can be kind (there are exceptions) and tend to be home-bodies. Even the inquisitive traveler Scamander had a home. When I had a house, I had all types of people (refugees, writers, borders, roommates, homeless) stay or visit. That was a past lifetime though... or so it now seems. At the time it was just me being me. I didn't know what I know now. Such is life. One lives it. On the 18th we'll go out. Maybe eat shabu. 7/11 is good enough most days. I really like some of the local street food. I don't need fancy; but, it's been one year, and I want to do something special, and Pan loves to eat! It's outside my comfort zone. Again. Everything exhausts me. Writing, exercising, breathing... I'll either die gasping for air or slowly slip into oblivion without a peep. I'm that tired these days. I should edit some recent poems and enter a couple contests... just because. Writing something brilliant is elusive. In many ways it's a nice daydream that adds rainbows to many dreary days. To Prosperous Snow celebrating in "International Day for Tolerance" Travelers learn tolerance... or stop traveling. It's more than patience. The language and cultural differences can be surprising. Book-learning ill prepares one for the journey. It's the face-to-face attempts to connect, the kindness of strangers, and understanding that barriers can be overcome. It needn't be done abroad. Most communities have outcasts. That's a good place to start. It requires leaving one's comfort zone. It can also mean 'letting go'." To Jeff in "National Fast Food Day" A short driving distance I laugh because I don't have a car. But there's a Swensen's, McD, BK, and KFC all within walking distance. Central Udon Thani is very livable in that way. We are supposed to go out someplace special tomorrow. We'll see. It won't be American fast food! Possibly Shabu-shabu (ชาบู ชาบู), other Japanese or Korean. Pannya will choose. I'm just as happy with basic fried rice with pork, duck or chicken. I do like Wendy's (been awhile) and Subway is fine at the Seattle airport; but, I'd rather eat at a local mom-and-pop place in Montana or elsewhere. Udon Thani has a great Swiss-run pizza place (Da Sofia) and Koala has an incredible Philly cheese-steak. I've met the owners. I have eaten at the local McD's because they are open 24/7 and have good a/c. Mostly I just eat at the street markets (dumplings, roti, chicken-liver...). To tracker in "Invalid Entry" I've submitted 'great' poems and... nothing. Not a peep; not even a review. But, I've won a few contests as well. I have a fistful of Second Places  . I've read other writers' laments over contests. It does come down to what the judges like. You could write a poem worthy of the New Yorker and still get snubbed here and elsewhere. I try to read 3 blogs/day. More than that is exhausting for some reason.  670 words 405 |
| If the USA had a decent health care system I might go to a doctor. The clinic here costs 30 baht, about $1; but, I'm not sure if that applies to visitors. Medical costs tend to be low and it's possible to stay in a hospital. I just try to not get sick. I could use blood-work, attention to my feet and a therapist. I'm not doing well. Winter brings 'cold' north-east breezes. The forecast is clear skies for the next ten days. 0% chance of rain though led to me being sprinkled upon. We have no food in the apartment, or should I say "I"? Pannya comes back today but possibly for only one day. I did not sign up for staying alone and dealing with this loneliness is difficult. I do have left-over rice to eat and I'm steaming rice with mango and papaya. I'm definitely depressed. This could be my finale. To Sorji is Novelling! in "A little confession and a lot of writing." It's great when doctors don't argue. I wish insurance companies were that supportive. I use Neosporin... what's the issue? Ah... googled it... contact allergen >>> rash. I still pack a small tube when I travel. At least you're catching up on some writing. I've written some but get easily distracted. Good luck on NaNo. To Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love in "Invalid Entry" I've had plenty of culinary disasters but fortunately my mind forgets. I do try to eat whatever I cook. I did okay with rice this week. It's finally 'winter' here in Udon Thani. Day temps may reach the 80s but night temps will be in the 60s. What a relief! I'll keep the balcony door open tonight. It's hard to live in Thailand without a/c. The humid heat saps my energy. I don't have an oven here, but there are plenty of sweets in nearby markets. To AnotherDreamer in "Nov 16" We go through stages. I'm not sure which stage I'm in but after one year in Thailand I feel a bit of a shift. I follow routines just to remain flexible in mind and body. I'm shutting down slowly but I'm still here. 342 words 398 |
| I doubt that I'm accomplishing much by maintaining this particular blog. 15 days and over 11.000 words. I don't like quitting but it's getting in the way. It takes up too much time. At least I entered Shadows&Light before the deadline. Found something I wrote in October, put it on-line, edited, made it an item, posted... just in time. "I too have survived" I want to stay here two more months. Pannya and I need to work that out... face to face... long-distance by texting doesn't work. I need to know his plans. If not... I need to make decisions without his input. Regardless it would be nice to be here in July and again next November. March/April needs to be avoided (just like in Costa Rica). Heat, dust, smoke... not healthy for me. And health matters. I looked at renting a room in a hospital yesterday. Didn't like the set-up and prices. I did like the big 'expensive' room though. Need to look at another hospital nearby that rents apartments. I have little time left. My health is better here but I worry too much and get attached. The mantra of Thailand is "let it go". To Cappucine in "Not better. A whinge " "Large classes can make it difficult for the quiet kids or those who dislike large groups. A cull to 15-20 may improve their participation and attitude. Jacaranda... I don't know that I'll be here when next they bloom. Meds... doctor... therapist... I don't like meds personally but they help millions if the correct med and dosage can be worked out." To Pumpkin Harvest in "Diets-Who Needs Them (I do)I" "Living with someone helps me regulate. But Pannya is visiting his mother; so, I'll eat rice (with butter) today. I did my exercise this morning and 'winter' has started. The lower temps will make it easier to be outside. I try to walk every day. My legs are stronger than a year ago but I can't walk fast like I used to. I try not to think about stairs until I go back to Montana. The wealthy can afford a cook, an accountant, a chauffeur, a housekeeper. The rest of us just cope. When I was younger... last century... I lost a lot of weight by dancing every night. Now, not having a car = walking (dangerous in Thailand). I needn't do some things alone; but, I'm used to not being in groups and becoming a groupie is an undesirable option for me." To Charity Marie - <3 in "Post-Surgery" "I need platonic friends. That's what most friends are regardless. Family is e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g here. Parents can be controlling; guilt tripping is culturally normal. Pannya is at his mom's... Yes, I am enjoying my solitude... at times... but I miss him dearly and hope he's back by the 19th. Yes he has ED due to meds; but, those meds allow him to function. Cuddling is fine. Knowing he's by my side is comforting. We've 'been together' kinda, sorta, for one year. I don't see a future for us. And that's causing personal dilemmas for me. At my age I need to be careful walking here in Thailand. Sidewalks and curbs are notoriously bad and crossing streets is dangerous. I can afford any distraction." To Lilli 🧿 ☕ in "World Kindness Day!" I do some of these all the time = good habit.Donuts  every day = bad habit. I like the idea of painting rocks. It's been done in Missoula. Children would love it! Do a dozen or more (rocks don't have calories) and hide them in a section of town (needn't be a park; sidewalks tend to be public...) then have a scavenger hunt! Some won't be found... maybe for years! But the messages will always be welcome. And rocks don't go bad like eggs.   608 words 392 |
| Change is in the air. Thai-Winter has arrived. I will need to accept some uncomfortable realities this week. I'll need to remind myself to be kind and pro-active. I may need to 'let go' of cherished dreams and hopes. That's more difficult than losing physical items. I have no emotional reserve left to deal with injustice, sadness and loss. To SandraLynn in "World Kindness Day" Yes, kindness is a key to a happy society. And a kind society is kind to other humans and even animals. I'm usually friendly. I lead with a smile and chit-chat.But... that's not culturally acceptable everywhere. Smiles can be seen as threatening or goofy. There's a cultural aspect. And kindness is interpreted by some as weakness. Individuals can be treacherous. I still try to be kind. Jeff in "Reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated" "Of course... you're not talking about politics... but the similarities are there.People handicap the political process as if it were a horse race, a popularity contest, or who can shout loudest. This marketing approach ignores substance. And Americans are consumers of products. Who can win! is more important than a platform. Who can buy an election drowns out competence. Destroying the reputation of the opponent is playing the numbers. And heaven-help the opponent if she's a woman. In film I remember how much bad press "Brokeback Mountain" received from people who refused to watch it. It was basically banned in Utah. It was 'canceled' before that became common slang. On social media, posters and comments gain more views when they are outrageously negative. The victim? Truth... because that doesn't matter. At least in sports individuals/teams have to actually show up and play to win, and all the hype or disrespect is secondary." Lyn's a Witchy Woman in "change and kindness" "I'm not good at dealing with change or loss. Just read Sonali's post that her father died today. I really wanted to meet him a couple November's ago and even considered it this year. He was a very interesting person. Now I won't have the chance. My loss. So... much change... some planned, some anticipated, some... let's not talk about those today. I haven't always made the right choice between zigging and zagging. I lived in a 'bad' neighborhood for years. I did what I could to disabuse people's notions that it was all 'bad'. I also took in refugees for years. Was it kindness? I did what I could." I was very tired last night and lay down at midnight. Pan is still at his mother's. I tried sleeping with the windows open but a tad too warm. I may try again later this week as night temperatures will drop. I made a slight mistake cooking. Used a packet that had some chili in it. Hopefully I eat it small portion at a time. I don't waste food. Pan isn't back and that creates other problems for me. I need to find a place to move to and I need to get truthful advice regarding my visa. I'm stressed out and there are few people who would understand my options if I explained to them. Thailand has quirky visa rules that change with little notice. And lodging (friend warned about electric bills), personal relationships, cultural expectations, et cetera... would take too much of my precious time to explain to willing-to-listen but utterly-ignorant friends in Montana or on-line on bookspace or writingdotcom. You-all just don't know! So, I have to figure this out by myself. Good intentions don't matter in a crisis. I have 14 days to figure this out... or else. I'm tired of fighting the good fight of educating the ignorant. It's hard to crack open minds when hearts remain closed. My responses to social media comments: Joseph Tramelli: Not everyone is from your culture... and that goes for everyone who comments on social media. I've traveled the world and I've been in Thailand for one year. Masculinity isn't defined in the same way as White Euro-American Christians. And even here... attitudes and customs change. Taylor Swan: Or from a different culture. Gender is defined differently in Thailand; and amazingly, most people just accept other people as they are without faux-outraged angst. Tiffiny Lawrie: Star Trek ruined a generation because they included an interracial kiss and lovable aliens. These were not acceptable in segregated Amerikkka during a war on the non-humans of Viet Nam. *sarcasm* ... dripping. I'm in my 70s. Carly Kay: It may mean that you are a tolerant decent human being (of any age). One of the lessons of a Buddhist culture like Thailand is learning to 'let go'. I struggle with that here in Udon Thani. 765 words 385 |
| Another hot noon but sprinkles and a stiff breeze brought the temp down to 87. Nights are now forecast to dip to 70. That would be a great relief. The heat is draining. I usually take a shower before I go out and after I exercise. I use Protex soap, a skin moistener, deodorant, rarely shampoo. I also use bar soap for stains on clothes. Washing machines don't do well with stains. I see very few bathtubs in my travels. They're a luxury. My routines... are different here and in Montana. If I move, a distinct possibility, they will need to be adjusted. A much-cheaper (but larger) place won't have a pool or an exercise room or maybe not exercise stations close-by. I use the exercise station daily. I can deal with routines and boredom within limits. I'm not an adrenaline junkie but I do like some variety in what I eat and do. I love exploring back roads and alleys. Just treat me with respect and don't call me late for dinner; although, I don't have much appetite these days. Most of you would call me Khun Liam here in Thailand. To tj-turkey-jobble-jobble-hard-J in "Soap" : I grew up with a bar of Ivory. Great for taking baths as it floats. We all knew it was 99 44/100 percent pure because... we all watched the same shows with the same ads. I didn't take showers until I went to college. In Montana I use Dove as my skin is sensitive and I'm careful with laundry soap. Here I buy cheap bar soap and Pan buys shampoo and conditioner (and does the laundry). I use whatever's available. I do like certain fragrances more than others. Love rose in general but cucumber is nice. A hot bath with patchouli though... takes me back in time. To ~Brian K Compton~ in "Invalid Entry" : I love the cadence.I really like the use of words and images in: Thoughts entertain a soul not ready for bed in this quiet undead void of endless night meandering I often have problems sleeping (too much coffee?} At the start I'm reminded of the oily ring around the bathtub that needed to be scrubbed. No bathtub here, but I have scrubbed the floor and wall tiles (with bleach) *ack*. Eric Wharton in "Do It Again" Movement is life. I exercise every day because it strengthens my legs and slims me down a tad. It's also a good habit. Coffee is another habit, albeit not as good.  Routines help me. But I also vary what I do with travel and by having a goal list of many items. Doing ten, any ten, suffices. I watch Thai TV every evening at 8:30. I remind Pannya to take his meds every night at 9. I eat a lot of rice (I like it). But, I also vary my diet, my walks, my chats. I'm easily bored and this helps. I was shy as a child. My problem these days is that I talk too much. To Jtpete 1986 in "Note: If I am using milady in a sentence referring to ..." "In your appendix you might want to include nicknames and the way characters refer to each other. "Harry Potter" has characters with multiple names depending on who is speaking. Others have commented on proper form; but, I'm amused by the improper as well (tone of voice, hesitation, volume, choice of title). My name, Kåre is Norwegian/Swedish and pronounced like Cory in English. Never ask a Dane to mispronounce it. People here confuse it with Kare or Karen and think I'm a woman.  It would be funny to address me as milady. That said... a drag queen might find it appropriate. In Thailand, names, titles, pronouns, who speaks first... are all part of the culture and language." 612 words 370 |
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