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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| I watch a lot of vloggers on YouTube who go through various states of mind. From exhilaration at discovering new places to complete burnout from posting every day for months, they give me insight into what life is like living and travelling in Thailand. Most, if not all of these weary travellers make content to finance their chosen lifestyles. Something I am glad I don't have to do, moving from one hotel room to the next, filming shots from every angle, including from above via drone captures, and then editing to make each scene appear smooth and effortless. Writing a blog post and videoing one has some similarities, although I imagine writing a blog like mine is way easier. I have no monetary pressures, and if I don't feel like posting, I don't. However, I do feel some pressure that comes from a place of gratitude and simply letting the people who have supported me over the last three years know how things are going. The truth is, I live quite a boring life now. In the past year, there have been and will be no relapses. The hallucinations are very much under control (although still very strange), and life for Nada and me is flowing along nicely. Because we have both been sick, we didn't leave the house for over ten days, and only a few days ago we finally went to the market and the grocery store to stock up on supplies. Add to this, the wet season is almost upon us, and I wonder what I will post that won't bore you all to death. I recently reached a milestone...10k views, and since then, it has jumped to over 11k. Blogging was never a numbers game for me and despite having more people reading my posts, the number of readers who post comments or click the like button has remained the same. I will never understand why this simple gesture seems so unobtainable. It is no different on my port, where an item may have over two hundred views, and yet, have only one or two reviews. When we read a piece that an author has put a lot of work into, and then leave without saying a word, sends a message that may be unintentional, but a message all the same. Don't get me wrong, I am done complaining about this lack of effort to acknowledge or even offer some insight to help other writers improve their work. I get that many fear telling the truth, and it may be easier to say nothing than to possibly offend...or perhaps it isn't that at all, and we have become so apathetic that little moves us to review. I don't know what the real reasons are and it has become so normal that it doesn't hurt anymore...well, perhaps a little. What I am alluding to is that I am contemplating whether blogging is now a necessary part of my recovery. Once upon a time, I used this blog as a way to garner support and gain accountability. It was WakeUpandLive who inspired me to begin blogging (she even came up with the title for me), and there have been so many others who have been here for me over the years, to do with my addiction. Now that I am living a good life, have found love and settled into this new life in Thailand, it feels to me like this blog has run its course. If you had told me I would have three hundred forty-eight entries and eleven thousand views three years ago, I wouldn't have believed you. Now, I am seriously wondering what the point of continuing is. There is one reason to continue blogging. It appears that my creative writing days are behind me. I have several unfinished works that I haven't looked at in ages, and the truth is, they may never be finished. I am OK with this because, although my creativity has ebbed, writing blog posts is a way to remain sharp (given my lack of writing skills with mechanics). I'm a good storyteller, but writing and editing have always been my Achilles heel, and blogging has helped me in this area. Life is good...addiction is a thing of my past, and I wake up every day next to the person I will spend the rest of my life with. Sounds like an appropriate final message...at least for Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral. Thanks to everyone who has shown me support, and even those who simply read and never left a message or a like. You (the latter) have your reasons for that, just as I have my reasons for ending this blog now. Who knows, I might miss blogging one day, but for now, I'm looking forward to feeling like I don't owe it to anyone to provide decent content. |
| Congrats to all the Quill Award winners, especially S, for winning the 2024 Best Blog. I have been sick for almost a week now; last night was the worst. Whatever it is Nada and I have seems to come in waves. Yesterday, she was pretty bad, and I felt OK, but then at bedtime, WHAM. I said in a previous post that I didn't think this was COVID-19, but now, I'm not so sure. Getting tested at this stage seems like a waste of time (and money)...except for one thing... I haven't received a COVID-19 vaccine since leaving Australia one year ago (which means it's been around eighteen months), and the question is, should I now get a booster? I contracted COVID around November last year and the symptoms, whilst unpleasant, weren't as bad as I am experiencing right now. That said, pain is something that is easily forgotten and the discomfort this virus is causing me is very much fresh in my mind. I believe there has been a community shift away from vaccines of all types, particularly for coronavirus. This is understandable considering that governments around the world have taken a more moderate stand...balancing economic fallout against global pandemic actions and rhetoric. What was once the end of times, is now simply another virus we must contend with. I wrote a post a while ago titled, 'To Jab or Not to Jab', stating that while Nada is against vaccinations, particularly for COVID-19, I would be getting the jab. Unfortunately, I didn't follow through on that statement, and now I am wondering if that was a mistake. If what we have is COVID, it would have been a good indicator of the effectiveness of getting a vaccine vs tackling the virus on our own. There is always a silver lining, we just have to look for it...a positive and a negative attached to any situation we find ourselves in. As much as I am feeling like crap right now, I know that once I have recuperated and am back to my old self, I will appreciate that so much more for having gone through this illness. |
| The day after I last posted, it rained. There is no house next door on one side. In the past, someone has removed soil from the block (when they build a house here, it needs to be elevated above the ground. I assume that's what happened next door), leaving a large hole that fills with water when it rains. I call it the swamp. You might think that sounds horrible...to live next to a swamp, but it isn't. Wildlife is attracted to the area, with birds and frogs all attracted to the (almost) permanent water source. It does dry up during the dry season, but as soon as the first rains arrive, the frogs and toads dig their way out of the mud and begin a cacophony of songs to celebrate the arrival of the wet season. My ensuite bathroom is adjacent to the swamp, and at night, when the amphibians are calling in the hope of finding a mate, I join in the chorus, mimicking the calls coming in through the open window. I imagine myself as a sexy female frog and answer by repeating the same sound and repetition even though I am likely seen as another male. Nada gets a laugh out of it all. We are both sick with a virus. Last year I became sick and went to the pharmacy to get a COVID test kit. It was positive, so I isolated for a week. It took around four days before I began to feel better. Now, I cannot see the point of buying an expensive kit and testing for COVID-19. Attitudes have changed, and no matter what this illness is, we will stay home, rest and drink plenty of fluids until the symptoms disappear. Yesterday, Nada went next door and gathered some vines from the swamp. She made a concoction that she assured me would help alleviate the symptoms and the fever. I don't think we have COVID-19, and once she had the green liquid completed and I smelled it, I decided to persevere with paracetamol instead. Today, she looks and feels far worse than I do. This could be put down to a few things. My immune system may be stronger than hers. Or perhaps she doesn't tolerate illness as well as I do. I'm taking on the role of good partner, despite my inclinations to tell her to harden up. I am supporting her as best as I can under the circumstances. |
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