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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| Man, I feel good today...if this is life, then count me in. Of course, I know there will be days...questions...doubts and difficulties. And you know what? I am ready to embrace all of it because a bad day without addiction, beats the hell out of any day living with it. The thing about meth is, it suppresses everything...time goes by so fast, and the people we love and care about leave just as quickly, which to a meth user, is not a bad thing at all because then we don't have to face the realities they bring. Meth is especially good at suppressing feelings...we simply don't care anymore...about our appearance, about our lives...about others...about anything except getting and using meth. But, just under the surface of this denial, is a meth user's worst enemy...yet, greatest ally...love. No matter how much meth we ingest, love can never be beaten into submission or killed off. All that happens is it waits for the right people to come along to show us that we are worthy...to show us care and respect, strength and dignity...the things we thought we were no longer capable of...the love we never thought we deserved. And then, when we reach out and discover that you ARE there...hands we couldn't see through the fog and calamity of life as an addict...well, for me it has been overwhelming at times. The most important values an addict should embrace when seeking recovery are belief in ourselves, and belief in those who are there for us. Understanding that remaining humble is the key that will open the door to freedom. |
| Today I mowed my lawn...the last time I did, I struggled to push my mower around our 1/8 acre block, and it took me days to recover because meth sucks all the energy and life from you, leaving behind only misery and despair. I was hoping my banged-up neighbour would be home and I could ask if he would mind if I did his lawn as well. I didn't think it would be a problem, but I didn't want to be overly presumptuous or make him feel as if he needed me to do that for him given his situation. I kept looking for signs of life, but all was quiet and I assumed they had gone out, and so, I made the call, opened his gates, went inside and mowed his lawn (only the front because he owns two Pitbulls who I wasn't prepared to take a chance with out back). The funny thing is, they arrived home later in the afternoon and as far as I can tell, haven't noticed their grass is shorter than it was when they left...LOL...and you know what, I won't be telling them a thing about it because the best way to pay it forward, is to do it without any expectation of recognition or reward. I know the universe will balance things out and it matters not whether they ever realise because doing something for someone in need is a good deed indeed. It made me feel good about the world around me, and that is more than enough reward. And tonight as I sit here, although absolutely knackered, is a better feeling than I ever got from taking meth...this IS my new life, and I'll be damned if I will give this back for some chemical high. |
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