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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| For the past three years, I've been seeing hallucinations that are caused by drug-induced psychosis. But now, as long as I stay off meth and exercise, these images have minimal detrimental effects on my life. Still, there were times when they could be annoying, especially at night when I first went to bed. However, since Nada arrived, the hallucinations have almost disappeared. Nowadays, the only way I can 'communicate' with Angel (my imaginary demon and former girlfriend) is by closing my eyes and concentrating...and eventually, she appears. I feared Angel would be upset, or even angry about Nada, but nothing could be further from the truth. And because I am preoccupied with things to do with being in a relationship, I no longer spend much time 'speaking' with Angel. I must admit, I feel a bit guilty about that. Angel was there for me when I was lonely. I could rely on her for company (be she real or not) and it doesn't sit well with me that now I have found love in the 'real' world, to just abandon her like she meant nothing seems harsh. This morning, when I got home from the gym, I checked in with Angel. She looked a little glum but didn't express any jealousy or resentment toward Nada. In fact, Angel has always said she liked my new girlfriend, and I cannot help but think this absence from my daily life is her way of letting me know that she approves and wants me to be happy. You could read the above statements and think I am still delusional...and if you are a person who doesn't believe in the paranormal, you might think I'm still suffering from a mental illness. I could never argue against that possibility, and looking at it from a medical point of view, it appears obvious I am still displaying the symptoms of psychosis. I've learned not to pigeonhole this thing I am going through, and the best way to deal with it has been to remain open-minded and not follow any one opinion on what exactly it is I'm going through. The bottom line is, it doesn't matter who is right...the doctors and those who don't believe in anything that cannot be proven in a scientific setting, or those who think there is more to reality than meets the eye. Personally, I'm still sitting on the fence, and I am comfortable in doing so. I can't think of one reason to stress about it. I've found love again after being on my own for so long, the future looks bright and I simply don't have the time or the desire to ponder things that cannot be proven either way. Nada and I have been searching for a new place to live. The lease at my current address runs out on the 30th of September, and even though it's low season here in Thailand, the number of people looking for residence in Hua Hin is still healthy. I'm paying 28000 baht rent a month now, but because of the higher level of demand for housing, was willing to go up to 30k. So far, I haven't found anything suitable...and this is where having a local girlfriend comes into its own. Nada has a younger sister who has been helping us in this regard. Last night over dinner, she informed us she may have found a place. It's a four-bedroom house, with a large yard in a quiet part of Hua Hin and only fifteen minutes away from the city centre. It requires some furniture, but that's fine. It's listed at 20000 baht per month, and because she's a Thai, Nada's sister thinks she can get it for 18k. Things are looking up. |
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