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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| I knew it would take some adjusting to go from single to a couple, but I didn't realise just how different it would be. Let me start with the good, of which there is plenty. Nada is so sweet, and at the ripe old age of forty-seven, is almost innocent. She has never worked in a bar and is the quintessential Issan girl...easily pleased and easily hurt. I have to be careful of her heart because it is so tender. From what I have seen so far, my girlfriend appears to be the real deal. Nada has long black hair, which I love, but it gets everywhere...in the shower, on the floor and throughout my townhouse: a small price to pay and something my cleaning lady will have to deal with. Our first three nights together were magical, but by the fourth night, we were both tired from lack of sleep. You may be thinking that is due to us having lots of sex, and even though that is in part true, the main culprit is that we are both used to sleeping alone. Sleeping next to someone who makes strange, night-time noises, and takes up all that space we normally have for ourselves, is something we need to adapt to. Nada hasn't slept with anyone in six months, and me, in eight years, and last night was our first good night's sleep in five days. Nada came home from work a few nights ago and fell asleep on the couch. I made us some dinner while she rested, and when I tried to wake her by tickling the bottoms of her feet, she didn't blink an eye. The palms of her hands and soles of her feet are like leather from years of hard labour, and the gentle approach had zero effect on sleeping beauty. For many years, Nada worked in the hotel industry, and one story in particular had me rolling on the ground in laughter. Some people had checked out and Nada was making up the room when, in one of the bedside drawers, she found what she thought was a rather large lipstick. She took the 'lipstick' out and examined it...and then decided to see what colour it was. When two batteries fell to the floor, she still had no idea what it was she was looking at. Then, as she replaced the batteries, she got the surprise of her life when the thing started buzzing. More confused than ever (I know...isn't she the sweetest thing ever? And as she continued with this part of her story, I gave her the biggest hug, looked up and said, "Thank you"), she called her supervisor...and it was then she was told exactly what the item in her hand was. It's hard to believe that a woman of her age wouldn't know what a vibrator is, but as I have gotten to know her better, the fact is that Nada really is that innocent. Now, she may be innocent in some ways, but she also very much knows her worth. It would be impossible to estimate how many foreigners over the years have approached her and asked for 'boom boom'...needless to say, it would be a lot. With that in mind, I cannot believe my luck, but as Ray Kroc once said, and I quote, "Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get." And I have done a lot of sweating over the last six months. I no longer sleep till 9.00 am, and instead, get up with Nada at 6.30. While she showers, I get our breakfast ready, and when she leaves for work, I lovingly watch her ride away on her Scoopy motorcycle. Then, as she disappears around the corner, I begin to think about the what-ifs of our meeting. What if on the day we met and she decided to offer me a lift, I had delayed my walk by a minute? If I was lazy and didn't get out there and do the work, we might never have met. Nada reminds me of a dark-haired Barbara Eden from the TV series, I Dream of Genie. She very much wants to please, and acts a little subservient, thinking she needs to do that for me to love her. And while that is totally adorable, it is something that I will teach her is unnecessary. At the moment, we are both big on showing appreciation. We understand that I can provide a better life for her, and on the flip side, that she can also provide a better life for me. A few days ago, when she told me how lucky I was to have her, I couldn't have agreed more. I'm no dummy and have been looking for signs of a scam, but so far, I've seen none. I believe it's a genuine exchange...not that much different to one in the West. Scammers always reveal themselves eventually, and I will continue to believe she is innocent until proven guilty. Back in Australia, no woman looked sideways at me. In that world, I could never have hoped to find someone like Nada...and that's because there is nobody like her there. Is it any wonder so many Western men flock to Thailand in an attempt to find love? So, here I am, living my dream. I'm no longer addicted to meth, psychosis has, for the most part, disappeared since Nada arrived. I'm falling in love with a girl who looks at me exactly the way I want to be looked at. Someone who treats me the way I want to be treated. Who respects me the way I deserve...who is falling in love with me, the way I always dreamed a girl like Nada would. |
| As you would expect, things are beyond good in Honeymoonsville, Thailand and Nada has practically moved in with me. I drew the line at her quitting her job and me taking over her financial responsibilities. It's only been five days since I saw her for the first time and (pretty much) fell instantly in love with her. She knows she has plenty of time to make me hers to do whatever she wants. I'm sure that over the coming weeks and months, she will find ways of extracting money from me (money I will gladly hand over), but for now, the pressure on me is low. It's referred to locally as playing the long game. Nada is beyond cute. I look at her and it's like there are butterflies in my stomach. Cialis helps me keep (it) up with her in the bedroom, and I have no shame in admitting that. It's like I am twenty again in that respect, but I know the honeymoon will end soon and the real negotiations will begin. So far, it has gone like this...we have informally agreed that if Nada needs something small, for example, a new phone or a pair of runners, I will pay. I figure for what I am getting right now, it's a bargain I would be a fool to refuse. She is so sweet and beautiful that (at least for now) I will do nothing to cause her to become dejected...which is so self-serving that I feel a small degree of shame admitting. However, as the stakes go up, I know the time will come when I must put my foot down and either end it between us (which at this point I foresee as being the smartest and most likely choice for me to make) or control the situation to the best of my ability by saying no and dealing with the consequences that will follow. I will need to establish strong boundaries, even though I know they will be hard to enforce without drastic action. It only took me three days to make her cry, which is a record. Normally, it would take months to achieve such a feat. It appears that girls in Thailand are much more sensitive than their Western counterparts. We could go into detail as to why this is so (better outcomes in divorce settlements and more basic wealth, which provides options that a poor girl from Isan simply doesn't have), but there are too many to get into, and as I have already stated, my understanding that things will become more challenging as time goes by makes me want to focus on the present good things I am enjoying about Nada. Her tears did make me realise it would be unwise of me to underestimate the power she holds in those beautiful dark eyes. In her distress, I held Nada and felt an almost overpowering need to stop her tears from flowing. And I know they were only the first shots in the powerplay I am getting into. Logic (my brain) is telling me sooner rather than later will be the time to do the, " It isn't you, it's me" routine. My heart, however, argues that I am projecting events that may never happen. Me? I am enjoying the Thai girlfriend experience way too much to make any rash decisions. I will play the game to my advantage in the hope of achieving the best outcome for me. It's safe to say that at the moment, the goals I'm kicking drag me further into a game that Nada knows so much better than I do. |
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