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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| A writer I am not...but, oh, I wish I was. Tonight, whilst searching through all the shit on the box, I chanced upon a documentary about Ernest Hemmingway. Of course, I know WHO he was, but I have never read a word written by this modern-day literary giant. I am ashamed to say that...and it gets worse. Never read Tolstoy...Bokowski, Fitzgerald or anyone who I am led to believe I should have. As a child, I did read...Asimov, Clarke, Benchley and Blatty. I thank my father for his voracious appetite for fiction, which gave me a foothold in how to tell a good story. But a good storyteller is not by right of passage, a good writer...or at least, I don't think that is so. And, to be perfectly honest, I don't even know what does. At this moment in time, I have stopped wondering/dreaming if I will ever write something memorable, worthy or even good. And the idea of me writing anything longer than a short story or blog post leaves me feeling mystified...or is that mystery feeling malaise masquerading as perplexity. In the very short period I have been expressing myself through the medium of words, I have found it to be an exhilaratingly disappointing time. I will lie to myself that it doesn't matter when something I put my heart and soul into is ignored. Or worse still...gets some notice...and then, all it invokes is silence. No applause...no adulation, just acquiescence and self-doubt. I am not a writer...but all is not lost because at least, I am a storyteller. If I had lived ten thousand years ago, I might have been recognised or even revered. But now I tap away with my denial and hope, which fades into the reality that I will never be anything more. |
| On weights day, when I first start lifting, I know immediately where my body is at. In fact, I get some precludes beforehand but try not to allow any negativity (if it is negative and not positive, the latter of which also happens occasionally) to determine/define the workout that follows. Today was no different. I always listen to my body when it comes to exercise. I had an idea it was going to be a struggle because I pushed quite hard two days ago, slightly upping my weights across the board and although I wasn't sore, I already felt some fatigue in my muscles. The choice at that point is to push even harder, or back off. That is not always an easy choice to make because sometimes there are other factors to consider. During my Muay Thai days when preparing for a fight, backing off wasn't usually considered the way to deal with fatigue and soreness. The other guy and what he was doing was a great motivator and it is surprising sometimes just how durable our bodies are. Also, our minds naturally encourage laziness and even a slight amount of weariness, can make training a non-event if we allow it to dictate. Therein lays the quandary...which message do we listen to? This is an impossible question for me to answer for anyone but myself. But with experience and a balanced outlook, the decision for me is usually an easy one to make. For example today. Putting all the factors on the table and making the right choice to back off the weights, also came with a compromise...extra cardio. There are no excuses for failure when we do everything we can in order to succeed. And yet, failure will still come to even the most prepared. Luckily, we learn more from failure than we do from success. Finding that perfect point between our mind and body is elusive, if not impossible (perfection is by evolutionary standards, an impossibility because of the amount of variables involved). Although learning the intricacies that co-exist between mind and body, by trial and error, is not just the only way to improve, but also the most satisfying...especially when it comes to the results we both see and enjoy as a result of our efforts. |
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