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Just my opinions and outlook on life |
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The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| Social Aspects: Roe vs. Wade pro-life versus pro-choice. When you look at the different aspects of this situation, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Is it about the unborn child or a woman's rights? Do you ever wonder why men aren't subjected to vasectomies' so this issue doesn't happen? "Women certainly have carried the burdens of society a lot more than men." Your thoughts? The first thing that comes to mind is this has been settled law since 1973, protected for women across the US. It has been fought over before and no one has been able to change it. Even the conservative judges like Kavanagh, Comey-Brown and Goursch all agreed it was settled and protected law when they were questioned during their hearings. Were they lying? Everyone feels differently about the status of an embryo that is becoming a child if the pregnancy continues until said child can live outside the mother's body. A normal pregnancy is 40 weeks. 90% of abortions are done during the 1st 12 weeks. 21 weeks is the point of possible viability and that is usually with a baby on a ventilator, looking at many complications if the child manages to live and a very expensive hospital bill plus medical bills and special needs ahead. I happened to work on a Women's Unit as an RN for over 20 years and one thing I am sure about is women will continue to end pregnancies if they don't have a safe alternative. I have held the hands of women that lost their uterus because of a botched abortion or died of septic shock. This was when Women's Clinics weren't' available close to them or they couldn't afford it or they didn't want to tell anyone from shame. We should be making it easier and safer by taking better care of women. One thing I am positive of is that women with money will still be able to get abortions anyway-that has always been true. It is poor women that willl be affected by this the most. "Women certainly have carried the burdens of society a lot more than men." That is certainly true and always has been yet men seem to have control of our bodies. Most rapes are never reported. When I worked at a Rape Crisis Center, it was humiliating to go through the questioning and exams. I am sure it is easier now psychologically but wouldn't this make it harder because the morning after pill won't be available in some places? I believe we are now moving backwards when we had made progress. That is my feeling about this subject. My own Mom had a baby out of wedlock (great word?) in 1939. My brother was shuffled around from place to place for foster care. When Mom met my Dad he adopted my older brother but my Mom suffered family shunning, dropping out of school and the shame she carried. I asked Mom about abortion once and she said she didn't know how to go about finding safe care. She was too afraid. Of course my older brother is very glad she kept him. I didn't know for many years that he wasn't my Dad's child. It didn't matter to us. I was a flower girl at his wedding to a lovely girl that is my dear sister and they had a son. Mom didn't even tell him until he was 40-what a shock! All of this comes down to the fact that it is a very personal choice and each woman deserves the right to make it. As a health provider, I believe we should offer her safe choices and let her decide. |
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