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Just my opinions and outlook on life |
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The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| March 5 It's Music time: Pick a song from the 40's, feel free to share a YouTube link. Why do you think the song you chose was popular then? Could you see yourself dancing to the song? Have fun there's a lot of great artists from that decade. I love the blues so Robert Johnson came to mind to start with and an old blues song. This particular song speaks to me because Chicago is the place my parents used to go to after WW2 for vacation from Michigan and they danced in the clubs there. They liked Big Band music also but they knew some smaller places in Chicago to go that weren’t so expensive and both blacks and whites had a great time there grooving to the blues. I guess it makes me think of all the share croppers like my dad, including those that toiled in the hot sun of the South that made the transition to the North where wages were higher for a working man. The industrial north was hiring men of all colors to work with a decent wage and the possibility of security. You had the chance to get a GI loan and buy a house, have a family, and that was considered paradise. I couldn’t find a video of Robert Johnson but did find this good one of Buddy Guy surrounded by blues lovers from the White House . Eric Clapton proclaimed him a superior blues man. I can only imagine the joy of the war ending and people flocking to places to dance and celebrate. Actually this song is older than the 1940’s and has been reworked with new lyrics but it stands the test of time. Five of Chicago's professional sports teams have played the song at their games in one form or another. On February 21, 2012, Barack Obama and Michelle Obama hosted, "In Performance at the White House: Red, White and Blues", a celebration of blues music held in the East Room of the White House. President Obama began by describing the origins of blues in the South and added "The music migrated north – from Mississippi Delta to Memphis to my hometown in Chicago" Later, encouraged by Buddy Guy and B.B. King, he joined in singing the first verse of "Sweet Home Chicago". Every time my husband and I go to Chicago, we go to a restaurant my parents used to frequent. It isn’t a very fancy place but the photos on the wall are of all the stars of the 40’s and 50’s, Sinatra, Crosby, Sammy Davis Jr, Louis Armstrong, Lena Horne, etc. They serve everything from burgers to a flambé at your table. The last time we went to Chicgo, we went out on a night time cruise on Lake Michigan, had a wonderful dinner and dancing. My husband actually danced with me to a song or two, unusual for him. The hotel we booked had a room where the balcony overlooked the lake. It was spectacular. Nice memories. I remember as a child ,after we had moved to Atlanta, we would spend a couple nights in Chicago on our way to or coming back from Michigan to visit relatives. Mom and dad would take us to museums., parks, shopping on Michigan Ave., and we’d go to the places they used to go. They would dance and act like kids themselves again. This song would always be a standard for the house band. Chicago and the song have a special place in my heart. Try listening to this and not wanting to get up and shake your bootie. |
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