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 |  Pearls of wisdom, inappropriate thoughts and the occasional rant. |
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| December is knocking at my door, yet I'm unable to open it. As much as I want this year to be over, I'm not ready for December. I'm behind on everything in my life at the moment. Moving is my priority. We're supposed to hand over an ungodly amount of money and sign the lease on a house over in the next town tomorrow morning. I've complained about having a slumlord but I didn't realize our rent is below the average. Not only is it $400 more a month, but the utilities will probably double too. This is the reason I tried to avoid it, but with two weeks to be out of this house, my stress convinced me it was a good idea. Everything will probably work out, but the anxiety is still there. And I feel so bad. Mentally and physically drained. I can barely stay awake for two hours, how the hell am I going to move? |
| After going to bed at 2am, my bladder woke me at 1pm. It took an hour to get out of bed and eat. I don't know where the day went or what I've even done. All I want is my bed. I don't know if I'm stuck in the foggy outer edge of my mind or hiding from the growing list of responsibilities and obligations. I can't keep up and I don't want to go on. Whoever stole my energy is welcome to it, but please bring back my brain. |
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but seems to be okay today. I worry about my poor circulation, scrub my toes with a soft bristle brush, watch discoloration come and go. I probably need new arteries or veins but hey... "Heathcare" USA (enough said?). I may be better off trying something here in Thailand. But still... wish I lived in a country that had adequate patient based healthcare. Thailand and Taiwan mostly do, but I can't access it. First world systems like Europe, Canada and Australia do, but again, I can't access it.