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I always thought I'd have to push her out of the nest, but it turns out that she's going to bolt as soon as she gets the chance. She'll be 17 in June. She's been wanting to get a job for a while, but I've put it off. At first, it was just the pandemic. I was scared she'd bring home the germs that would give my non-existent immune system a complete meltdown. My excuse now is that she's barely doing schoolwork. But here's the deal- it's my fault. Pre-pandemic we had a decent routine going. We were both up by 9 and started school by 11. I rarely took calls and stayed home until she was nearly done, which was about 4. But our world was shaken like a snow globe in January of 2020 and it seemed as if time stopped while we held hands and watched the remnants of our lives slowly fall around us. Not long after that life-shattering event, the pandemic began. Somewhere in the midst of the craziness, I fell into a deep depression, my oldest daughter Brooklyn appeared in our lives, Corey and I started drifting apart, and my mom started relying me more. We were evicted after discovering our house had termites and frantically moved during Christmas. While our snow globe world had become still, the bits and bobs were out of place. I felt disoriented and lost. I didn't even feel her let go of my hand. So now I'm sitting here trying to figure out whether or not it's too late. Originally, I let the schoolwork slide because she was in emotional turmoil. But there was always something. She did less and less for a variety of reasons. Recently, it's like she's just given up on it. Well, she has. She doesn't see the point. My mother and nephew will be moving in with us in July and there's been talk of Brooklyn moving in with Izabella too. We've decided to stay here until our lease is up in January and find a bigger place. Ravyn doesn't want to live in a crowded house that's full of drama. I don't blame her either. But I can't put my mother out on the street and we can't move just now. I know it's not as easy as Ravyn thinks to get a job and a place of her own. The girl isn't ready for that. I worry that she'll leave to stay with some friend and being unprepared will end up in a bad situation that could really alter her life. Even if she managed to make things work, she'd still have a bleak future of dead-end jobs. She'd run the risk of ending up just like me. But all she sees are the things she's missing out on. She sees old friends driving, working, and graduating. I get it, but I'm at a loss. I've failed miserably at parenting. I need to get her back on track with school so that she graduates next year. We've talked about it, but I haven't pushed a four-year college degree, but I think some type of technical/vocational program would be okay. We've talked about volunteering abroad, going into the military, and apprenticeships. Once she figures out what she wants to do. She's been a pretty good kid. I've only grounded her a couple of times. I haven't been very strict with her because I haven't felt the need. Until now. I'm dreading the next year. I know I've got to get back to where we were. Everyone and everything around me is just going to have to wait, I refuse to sit by and watch Ravyn throw away her future. I've got to at least try to stop the upcoming train wreck. |
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but seems to be okay today. I worry about my poor circulation, scrub my toes with a soft bristle brush, watch discoloration come and go. I probably need new arteries or veins but hey... "Heathcare" USA (enough said?). I may be better off trying something here in Thailand. But still... wish I lived in a country that had adequate patient based healthcare. Thailand and Taiwan mostly do, but I can't access it. First world systems like Europe, Canada and Australia do, but again, I can't access it. 