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 |  Pearls of wisdom, inappropriate thoughts and the occasional rant. |
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| I don't think I've been shy about being diagnosed with bipolar 1 as a teenager, how I struggled with postpartum depression twenty years ago, or starting DBT for borderline personality disorder early this year. But I can honestly say, I don't think I can recall ever feeling this way. I've been depressed, suicidal, manic, even psychotic. This feels different. I can't even name this feeling. Lately, there have been so many different threads unraveling that it's been impossible to regain control. In trying to care for everyone around me, I've completely lost myself. I think I've been pretty vocal in trying to get my family to see that I've been overwhelmed, but maybe not. Maybe they've just been so wrapped up in themselves that they didn't hear me. Or maybe they assumed I was just being dramatic. What astounds me is that even now, when I've been so close to fading away, no one seems to be noticing. Is it my imagination? Is it my irrational fear of abandonment? One thing I do know is that I'll feel better one day. I don't know how or when, but it will happen. |
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but seems to be okay today. I worry about my poor circulation, scrub my toes with a soft bristle brush, watch discoloration come and go. I probably need new arteries or veins but hey... "Heathcare" USA (enough said?). I may be better off trying something here in Thailand. But still... wish I lived in a country that had adequate patient based healthcare. Thailand and Taiwan mostly do, but I can't access it. First world systems like Europe, Canada and Australia do, but again, I can't access it. 