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 |  Pearls of wisdom, inappropriate thoughts and the occasional rant. |
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  What do you do when it takes all your energy to stay alive? There's none left for me to figure out what to do. My brain is screaming from exhaustion. I feel a sense of urgency that intensifies every time I take a deep breath. I distracted myself watching tv yesterday. This morning, I played some kick-ass music, showered, got dressed in real clothes, looked through some letters to cheer me up, tried to study for my bookkeeping class, and then cried. Oh, I also talked to my husband. I don't know what the hell is going on with him. He's lost his mind. That's the only explanation. I think he still loves me, but he's tired of all the drama with my family and has given up. But the facts are clear:  Our car is sitting in a shop, waiting for the insurance authorization form to be signed before it's repaired Husband quit his job & is staying with his dad while looking for a new job Ravyn has decided she'd rather live with her dad's mother-in-law than me I'm eyeballing the last of my medical marijuanaNot too long ago, I told my husband that I thought God has forgotten about us and he responded with, "Maybe we've just forgotten about God." Considering that I've never been able to get the man to church and he rarely says anything remotely spiritual, it seemed like a strange statement. I lost my faith some time back and stopped trying to find it. I can't go on in my current state. It's too much for me to handle alone. I think it might be time for a new plan. Any tips on how to do it? |
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but seems to be okay today. I worry about my poor circulation, scrub my toes with a soft bristle brush, watch discoloration come and go. I probably need new arteries or veins but hey... "Heathcare" USA (enough said?). I may be better off trying something here in Thailand. But still... wish I lived in a country that had adequate patient based healthcare. Thailand and Taiwan mostly do, but I can't access it. First world systems like Europe, Canada and Australia do, but again, I can't access it. 