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 |  Pearls of wisdom, inappropriate thoughts and the occasional rant. |
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I feel pretty darn good about the fact that I've got about half of our junk put away. I have a tradition of doing a deep clean and decluttering before the end of each year so that I start the next with a blank canvas. I didn't get to really do that for the end of 2020, but since this house wasn't cleaned before we moved in, I'm getting the chance now. Man, in November, I had two ideas I wanted to turn into a contest and a challenge for 2021, so I started to develop them with excitement. But as I hopped on today to make them live, I discovered that someone else had the same ideas. Gosh, dang it! Normally, I'd tell myself that technically there are no original ideas and go about publishing my version. But hell, the contest I planned is the exact same in every way and the challenge is much better. Frustrated doesn't cover the emotions I had this morning. Lately, I've felt very out of place. As my daughters grow into adulthood there's not as much room for me in their lives. Yes, they'll always need me, but not quite as much. I mean, Ravyn is 16 and not leaving home for a while but I'm no longer the center of her universe. Which is good for her but crushing to me. I've spent years planning my day to day schedule around hers. Now that I don't have to focus all my attention on her I don't know what to do. I have many hobbies but get bored of them easily so I tend to cycle through different projects. I have a Cricut Joy and three domains I've never used. I once hoped to travel when she left the nest. I've been to all of the lower 48 thanks to my truck driving ex-husband, but I didn't get to explore as much as I would have liked. Unfortunately, I'm not going to have the resources needed to travel too much. I might be able to make my way out of Texas, but I don't know about getting back. My brain tells me that this is a normal thing many women go through at some point. The rest of me thinks I'm an idiot for not carving out time to connect with myself over the years. |
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but seems to be okay today. I worry about my poor circulation, scrub my toes with a soft bristle brush, watch discoloration come and go. I probably need new arteries or veins but hey... "Heathcare" USA (enough said?). I may be better off trying something here in Thailand. But still... wish I lived in a country that had adequate patient based healthcare. Thailand and Taiwan mostly do, but I can't access it. First world systems like Europe, Canada and Australia do, but again, I can't access it.