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How can you be proud of what you do, but ashamed at the same time? |
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Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of writing. I love the fact that I have an imagination to begin with. Most adults forget that they even have one still, even after they grow up. Their heads are too filled with kids, work, paying bills, and stress with marriages. Luckily for me, I have no kids or marriage. The bad news in that, is that I have no excuses other than the stresses of the other adult things. I have my fair share of woes. Anyone who is trying to be a writer will tell you the lifestyle that can come with it. I like it though. I've never been a people-person. Sometimes, it's hard to live outside my mind at times, so I have no choice but to write them down. I like art, music, and writing. That's my thing. Well, the thing is, these things don't involve too many people. As I said, I'm not a people-person, but BOY I don't want to be cut off entirely! How do you prevent others from forgetting you exist? How do you make some kind of life outside of this mind thing? Oh, how I envy the people-people! Oh, how I wish I was suave, charismatic, and popular. I wish I could go out and have drinks without feeling like all eyes are judging me the entire time. I wish I were one of the types that were surrounded by friends at all times. I wish I had over 1000 followers on Instagram and Facebook. I wish people looked at me and thought, damn I want to be like her. I would love to be able to make duck-face selfies on social media without feeling like a complete moron. I would love to be invited to parties, and just not give a shit. It's just not me. This is me. I am the quiet one that doesn't speak, but listens. I am the one that observes and learns. I am the one that loves listening to birds outside my window chirping when I wake up, instead of going to Starbucks. I love to cuddle my fur babies, instead of keeping up with fashion. I like what I do. I like this thing. I just want to know how it feels on the other side. I would like the inside scoop, of the fabulous life of the people-person extrovert. What's it like? What's it like to party all night, wake up to a hellacious hangover, but still do the same thing the following night? What's it like to get laid without any feelings of the other person whatsoever? How do other people do this? How do you wake up, and just not THINK about the things you have to do that day. How do you not even plan it out? How do you just DO? How do you just not feel at all? |
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