Nice work with the form and I believe the poem has more to do with the love of a horse or the horse riding, and I felt a certain sadness at the last stanza.
"Rusty remnant remains" great refrain with alliteration and meaning for each reader to interpret from himself or herself. I can see from the meaning why you changed the refrain in the last few stanzas and added it back in question form.
It has been a wonderful April, and I felt such pleasure reading your poems. I hope you continue writing poetry throughout the coming months.
The form is perfectly rendered, thank you for trying it and discovering it is not as difficult as it seems.
On a purely poetic note, I would change the title so it doesn't include the all-important rhyme word "cherry" which is the build-up of the poem. For the same reason in the fourth stanza, I would not yet unveil the true name of the fruit, but let that linger for the last line of the poem. Also, "bore large fruit cherries" is redundant, as I know of no meat or vegetable that is also called a cherry without cherry being a variety as with the tomato, which does not grow on a tree! I know why you used the redundancy, for a syllable count, but it doesn't work. "Bore large round cherries" is an easy solution to correct this particular situation. "Bore large heart shaped fruit" would let you leave the cherry surprise for the end.
A tiny bit of nit-picking.
As for the rhyme "clary" the only definition I find is that of a type of herb. Difficult to find in a tree. Had the same problem not knowing any definition of "eyrie" but since you speak of the curved branch seat in the second line, a large bird's nest can apply here.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.13 seconds at 11:43pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
