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Musings whilst trying to find the creative way |
| Wandering through the mists of my cloudy mind looking for my path. |
| A wonderfully wordy start to the week. We have a book shop here, one of the biggest in Europe, who take your old books as barter against other in their stock. Its housed in an old railway station, there are a lot of books in there! I took a selection of art books that I no longer felt served me and was astonished when they gave me £80 to spend in their shop! I have had an amazing day and filled a basket with such gems as part 4 of Maya Angelous Biography series, some modern poetry books, and a few classics. I still have loads left to spend, I just LOVE to buy books! I've a busy old week this week and may not get as much writing done as I would like, but i am glad to say it's mostly lunch out with friends that ties me up! |
| Gosh, I missed yesterday, sorry! I had a lovely day yesterday just chilling in my little writing cabin, then spending an evening looking at archaeological sites on Google earth with my daughter. I posted some things, not sure what to call them, up for review on here and got some lovely helpful feedback. I have gone on to turn four of them into short poems. Iambic Pentameters. New learnings for me and lots of fun to create. I shall get round to posting them soon. Continuing the peaceful sleepy theme today as its Sunday and the last day of our holidays. |
| Wondering a little today how far I should take the study of writing. By that I mean should I consider a degree in English Literature and Creative writing or just get on with the business or reading lots, reading deeply and slowly and writing as much and as often as I can and seek out constructive crit. I'd love to study a uni course, but having done a fine art degree and having the soul sucked out of me for the longest time, I can't help but wonder if a writing degree would do the same, or if it would enhance the process. As a painter I learned to paint once I had left Uni, learned to dance to my own tune, but it took time to allow myself that luxury again. I have been offered the chance to attend some workshops in the summer and I think I will do those but I do wonder if I will be moulded to fit into a particular box, or carved out by the teaching method of the times, is that a good thing or not. I have time to ponder this further, and perhaps my answer will come as I keep writing. |
| Today I uploads a few little snippets of wordyness to my portfolio. It's a very scary step when you have no idea what the hell you are doing, or how to write in a pleasing manner, but I did it and all I have to do now is to figure out how to get people to see it and tell me how to go about making it better. I took the big step and announced to my facebook followers that I was having an year of creative expansion, maybe not abandoning my painting, but certainly hitch hiking through the creative world and looking for bridges and gates to cross and open and ways to chart new areas of the map. So far it has been met with shock, awe and applause, thats good yes? I did a lot more writing today, many more pages, lists, word finding and exploration of hidden depths. this is also good, a cleansing thing in so many ways. Onwards we go! |
| Today has been one of fabulous surprises. The first one is that my beautiful daughter has recieved an unconditional offer to go to university to study Archaeology. I am thrilled for her, she has worked so hard for this and to get an unconditional offer is a huge deal. We can both enjoy the summer together without any pressure on her. I have began to announce to my Facebook followers that I am setting aside my painting business for a while at least (if not permanently) and I have sold three paintings today. I am delighted to have the money in my account of course, but am completly thrilled to know they have all gone to amazing people who bought them because they fell in love with them and that they touched their hearts. My husband got a nice little windfall today too and his band is beginning to gain a reputation for playing awesome gigs, this weekend he plays his first ticketed event and they have a support act. He has never headlined in a big venue before but I am so happy that he is finally getting some recognition for his talent along with the ther amazing guys in the band. I have been offeredd the chance to do a couple of create writing workshops that a friend is running in the summer. She is an amazing writer and I am so excited to be able to learn from her. I am slowly beginning to find my way around this site, getting lost has shown me some interesting places. Tomorrows weather isn't sounding that wonderful so I will be holed up in my writing cabin trawling through some of the pages I've bookmarked, writing a few words and beginning a re write of my first piece of scribbling. Happy days indeed! |
| Today I started to work my way through The Artists Way and began morning pages. What a revelation that is, wow!! Filling those three pages is not so difficult once you get going! I felt all energised and sparkly after that and went on to write some recollections of my primary school. That is going back 36 years, so I'm quite thrilled that I filled 8 sides of A4 in one sitting. So many treasured memories came flooding back such as my first teachers infectious laugh, the school guinea pig that chose people on whom to poo. The orange crocosmia that surrounded the school entrance, the smell of the musty paint jar cupboard. Being allowed down to the village shop in pairs to buy sweets at lunchtimes... that wouldn't happen these days. I am quite thrilled to have left my writing shed having written about 15 full sides of A4 to start off my tool kit. I feel relaxed and like I have achieved something very worthwhile and it's a long time since I felt that. I was even thinking how nice it would be to bind these scribblings in the future as a keepsake to pass on. I know I adore to look through old journals and papers from the past, even my own from childhood. So glad I have them alll safe in my shed then, its warm and dry in there and above all it's tidy!!! |
| We are on holiday in our family this week, not the exotic, lets travel somewhere warm kind of holiday, just the lets stay at home and relax kind. So far we have managed to do just that, relax on the sofa with some senseless tv or some chilled out music playing along, catching up on family stuff. It's not a bad gig really, once in a while. This has however given me time to get stuck into a new book. I am currently reading 'The Woman In White', it's one of my 'read 25 new books in 2015' challenge on Goodreads.com. I'm trying to fill that challenge with books from the 19th and early 20th century as they aren't something I usually read for relaxation, I find it takes a while to get my head around the shift in style and language. There are some beautifully descriptive passages in this book, but I struggle to stay with the storyline. I'm determined though, it's good for my education lol. Apparently last nights marathon book listing was too much for my poor laptop and this morning it was grinding towards a serious collapse. I took the brave step of doing a complete factory reset; emptied all my important files onto an external drive and just blitzed it, cleaned the screen and the keyboard too. It looks all new and shiny now apart from the irritating mouse pad which has lost it's right click. I have set myself another challenge for this week despite the holidays and that is to write a set of character profiles as an exercise. I have never done this before, so it will be a fun challenge and something to sdd to my tool kit. Happy days. |
| Last night I was home alone, so I thought I would try out some writing exercises whilst curled up in front of the fire. I found an exercise where i had to choose one word from each of two lists randomly then use those as a working title. Crimson and History. Why is it then, that when I am alone, in a remote cottage on a wild moorland with no one but a a dog and two cats for company, that I choose to write a paranormal story. That in itself wouldn't normally spook me, I'm not easily spooked, usually! Last night however the pictures that were forming in my head brought out some pretty intense feelings about being alone, in an old house, and by the end of four pages I was more than a little jumpy. Rule number one. If you are in this position write about cute kittens and pom poms. Rule number two. Never try to fix it with wine. It amplifies the fear! Rule number three. Expect the husband to laugh at you when he gets home at 2am and you are wrapped up in the duvet with the dog and cats and all the lights on! |
| Some days you just come up against it don't you? Today is one of those days and it really frustrates me. One of the biggest things to have happened to me in my 42 years on this beautiful planet is having had cancer. It kind of wasn't in my master plan, you know? It was a rough journey now that I have had a little space to look back on it. Two and a half years of different chemotherapies, two terminal diagnosis during that time, the finding of my miracle drug at just the right time, being burnt by radiotherapy and then undergoing a stem cell transplant. I am thrilled to say we eventually beat its butt and three years in remission it all feels positive if still a little raw. I have become OK with talking about it, don't misunderstand me here, I don't want or need sympathy, that would drive me nuts. I do however find that connecting with other people who have been on their own journey and come out the other end helps us all through what is an uncharted turbulent ocean of uncertainty. One of the big things that has come up is how much all that chemo affects the brain. There are a few physical signs, being overweight, having no stamina, hot flashes, having breathing difficulties, I can deal with all of that in one way or another. the mental capacity is something different though and I can't help but compare myself to the person I was before. Back in 2009 I was a slim size twelve, full of drive, ambition, vigour and smart too. I could find my way around most things and if I didn't know i went right out there and learned. I had a thriving business as an artist, I managed all my business affairs single handedly whilst also being a mum and wife. Six years on, I have put on weight from having had so many steroids and chemicals pumped into my body, i'm not allowed to diet for another couple of years. I have energy limits, a full days work has me exhausted and unable to carry on the following day, accompanied by screaming muscles. The biggest drawback is that I can't multitask any more. I can only concentrate on one thing at a time, I have the attenton span of a goldfish if I am distracted. I have serious short term memory problems, not useful when doing everyday stuff like cooking and remembering appointments. This has made me decide to close my business as an artist and look for something to help my brain re learn. The other thing that bothers me is my computer screen. I have one hell of a job navigating complicated sites, such as this one. there are so many places, so many things to remember, so being a member of this is a big deal for me, and it is going to take me a chunk of time to start to learn the ropes. On the positive side (and believe me there is a TON of positive stuff from having survived cancer), it has opened up a door through which I have only ever peered through the letterbox. Writing is so cathartic for me, I keep a journal these days, write odd posts on my facebook wall to keep my friends on their toes, write stream of conciousness short stories that I put in a place to be reviewed and looked at in the future. I am calmer, more in tune with myself and my needs and those of my family and friends than I ever was before. I am learning to wander a little in life and find new and exciting things that before I would have dashed past without a second glance. I know there is something else out there for me and that I need a little more time to heal and nurture myself. I am hoping to do a part time creative writing degree this autumn via distance learning, maybe with a view to taking the skills I learn into cancer therapy units in my area, helping people to journal and heal through writing. it's a long way off, but I relish the challenge of rebuilding myself and helping others too. Please be assured... Normal service will resume tomorrow ;) |
| Such a lazy Saturday. We don't buy into the whole Valentines Day thing in our house, we love each other 365 days a year and tell each other everyday. My husband is out with his band again this evening, I hope he enjoys it, a new venue and a new audience. My daughter is with my parents preparing to go and do some archaological 'stuff' tomorrow. I am at home with my animals, a glass of wine and my writing. I'm doing some exercises in my book at the moment, just playing with ideas and words, finding random and unusual titles to work with and writing very short four page or half hour pieces. It's a fun thing, but I must remind myself to avoid paranormal fiction when I'm home alone, a little jumpy to say the least. This past week I have made the decision to step away from my business as I continue to heal from an arduous journey through the veil of cancer and transplant. I seem to think I am super woman sometimes and try to step back into my life as was. The truth is it felt like trying to slot a square peg into a round hole and just wasn't working out. It takes very little to tire me to the point of exhaustion, even three years after my treatment ended. Writing is good for me. I seem to write best in the evening when the house has relaxed and everyone is chilled out and quiet. I also have a little summerhouse that I have decked out to be a writing space and as soon as the winter releases it's grip I will be in there every day. It usually goes that when I decide to try something new and have a change of direction that things materialise to aid that journey. I was offered the opportunity to take up an Open Univeristy BA Hons degree in English Literature and Creative Writing. It is part time over six years, which is a good pace for me and as I am now disabled I can get the coursework printed out so I can read it easliy. I sometimes struggle with reading from a screen, words leapt around try their best to confuse me; I like to have written text whenever possible. I'm more than just a little excited about this, September is a long way off! |
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