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Saturday, Mar. 1, 2025

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Musings of a Madwoman

by Amalie Cantor - We Got This!

Rated: 18+ · Book · Writing · #1940586

Periodic musings on whatever topic suits me that day.

During my teenage years blogging (via such incredible sites as deadjournal, livejournal, and xanga among others) was a central part of my daily routine. But the older I get, the more afraid to post anything truly personal I became.

Jennifer Knapp, in what I consider her "coming out" album, wrote, "Careful what you say / Careful who might hear / Someone else inside the universe could write it down / And you'll be hearing it for years." That's the fear with which I've lived every day, particularly since I began coming farther and farther out of the closet. Because I work in education (collegiate mind you), I always have a twinge of concern anytime I post anything even remotely controversial on any site.

Here I plan on working to develop my courage at posting my personal ideas, because at least here I have the safety of a certain level of anonymity. (Pen names can be very troublesome sometimes, but they can also be quite liberating.) We will see what comes of this experiment in returning to blogging.

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Ghostranch

Sep 15, 2015 at 2:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Welcome back! I've been inactive on WDC for a while too. Sounds like things are going great for you. Congratulations on your engagement.

Rhonda

Jun 20, 2015 at 12:23am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

You keep going girl! Congrats on ...well everything! Looking forward to checking everything out!

AnotherDreamer

Jun 19, 2015 at 7:47pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Wow...Congratulation several times over. Don't think twice about letting me down...I was gone for a year and recently back. Welcome BACK!!!!!

ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy

Sep 5, 2014 at 9:56am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Amalie:
I was sexually abused for a year at age eleven into twelve.........right then is the first time I've honestly indicated my age of the time because the adult ME thinks the 11-12 ME should have been strong enough to TELL someone or make it stop by my own power...............I write that it happened at !) because my adult ME thinks a ten year old is weak, vulnerable, .... but I have told you the truth....the first time to be honest................ You ask the path to....telling truth...............For me, it comes to my words to others or to the page as written ONLY after I have written AROUND it, little by little, fiction long before nonfiction..........until right this minute, I never told the correct age... In my portfolio are various stories about the year of the assault, the RAPE, though 'they' never call 'raping a child "rape" even in the laws. The first item I wrote about it was "Touched to Tears for Years".............The rapist was my wonderful grandfather's younger brother who lived with him and grandmother all their years. I never told as an adult because I knew my grandmother would have 'punished herself blaming herself for what he did"........but the afternoon after I spoke at her funeral, I told my mother, all the aunts, the cousins........................and today, I still feel 'I'm Sorry Little Girls, So Sorry" which I wrote about the guilt I feel about all of his other victims until his death when I was 30, which was the year I told my husband about it.........he then told me the minister of his church assaulted him as a child............ SAD stories. If you want some 'input for what you write, let me know because I KNOW.

Ann

ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy

Sep 5, 2014 at 9:43am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Just 30!!! Oh so YOUNG. If only I could have the last 46 years to live over............I'd start writing at 60; and would have made sure I held a single job long enough to draw a good retirement. As it was I worked for 4 school districts in different states, several nonprofit organizations including 2 hospitals; then got 10 working for State of Idaho. Had a great professional career; but wish that State of Idaho was for much longer than ten years. I still wonder what kind of writing career I could have, might have, hoped for if I had started at YOUR YOUNG age. Enjoy the age that you are for you can never be that age again!!! That's the chant I put into my 3 kids heads then in the heads of 7 grandchildren. ANN

ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy

Sep 5, 2014 at 9:43am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy

Sep 5, 2014 at 9:35am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

From college onward since 1960 I've said "I'm going to write a book................" Instead, I taught Creative Writing a year, then spent decades fundraising and writing Grants..............finally at WDC I started writing; have 12 books published at createspace.com at Amazon. If I could live my life over, I would have started writing as a career in 1960!! Better late than never. ANN

ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy

Sep 5, 2014 at 9:32am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Where in Oklahoma? I lived in Garvin County, Paoli, until age 13. Ours was the only family who moved away; the rest stayed in the county while their kids, our cousins, thought we were the luckiest ones. That was 1951. Molly and I can now decide when to get married but our focus is now on her 91 year old mother who lives in Seattle while we are in Portland, Oregon. It looks we won't marry until after Mom's gone; my choice is to be married yesterday but I think Molly is afraid she could be disowned per the Will if we did...................She didn't let them know she was lesbian until her last partner/wife died and then they kept trying to convert her back to what they thought she always was. Her mom is fine with me; I was able to win them over because Molly was active alcoholic when we met; they worried and seldom saw her because of it; when I first met them, I encouraged them that she would quit; we visited them ofter, even just 2 hours at a time so they told me, "Thank you for bringing our daughter back to us." So I won them over. Yes, she's been clean and sober since 2005!! ann

Ghostranch

Sep 5, 2014 at 9:31am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, what a nice entry and what a lovely family! This made me think of the cats I used to have -- I miss them so much.

I definitely consider my dog a member of my family. We got her when she was 5 weeks old and now she's nearly 14 years.

Pets are very special.

ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy

Sep 5, 2014 at 9:15am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Excellent message. I too have suffered clinical depression; I know I was depressed at age 8 because I remember lying under my bed, banging my head, wishing I could die; Finally found medication in 1975 and have made sure I have a psychiatrist to call. What's really bad is VERY FEW psychiatrists will take Medicare patients; When mine went to California 4 months ago, I called every source within 50 miles.........nobody..........until a message I left on phone while crying and begging to be accepted just happened to be answered by the female psychiatrist; now I have a doctor again and am thankful.
Wonderful to read this which you wrote. ANN

#29. Buzz buzz buzz buzz....
ID #860105 entered on September 15, 2015 at 10:37am

#28. Learning to Swim Again
ID #851980 entered on June 19, 2015 at 4:38pm

#27. Challenge Accepted! Feline Familiars and Family
ID #827245 entered on September 5, 2014 at 7:54am

#26. Realistic Characters: Created by Design or Inspiration?
ID #826533 entered on August 28, 2014 at 7:55pm

#25. Mental Illness and the Creative Mind
ID #825221 entered on August 13, 2014 at 12:52pm

#24. Diving In
ID #824815 entered on August 9, 2014 at 8:51am

#23. Going Au Natural....
ID #823813 entered on July 29, 2014 at 11:22am

#22. Fight, Flight, or Freeze...
ID #822832 entered on July 17, 2014 at 7:23am

#21. A Hodgepodge of Wonderings...
ID #822754 entered on July 16, 2014 at 1:38pm

#20. On Becoming a Novelist
ID #821060 entered on June 28, 2014 at 12:33pm

#19. Daddy's Girl
ID #819799 entered on June 15, 2014 at 2:58pm

#18. If I'm not me, then who am I?
ID #817588 entered on May 22, 2014 at 8:21am

#17. To sleep, perhaps ne'er to dream...
ID #814344 entered on April 19, 2014 at 8:41pm

#16. Colors of a soul
ID #813526 entered on April 12, 2014 at 8:48am

#15. Bleeding onto the page
ID #811049 entered on March 23, 2014 at 7:22pm

#14. What I would become...
ID #810651 entered on March 19, 2014 at 2:14pm

#13. Overwhelmed but Fighting
ID #808776 entered on March 2, 2014 at 11:56pm

#12. Why Coming Out Still Matters
ID #808449 entered on February 27, 2014 at 10:19pm

#11. Battling Impostor Syndrome
ID #806116 entered on February 6, 2014 at 6:35pm

#10. Open Minds and Lowered Shields
ID #803641 entered on January 17, 2014 at 2:25pm

#9. New Year, New Goals
ID #800121 entered on December 13, 2013 at 10:57am

#8. Who Am I?
ID #799769 entered on December 8, 2013 at 6:09pm

#7. Living in a Vacuum
ID #797614 entered on November 13, 2013 at 9:16am

#6. Fear: The Great Demotivator
ID #791520 entered on September 15, 2013 at 3:51pm

#5. Establishing the "Hook"
ID #791011 entered on September 9, 2013 at 8:31am

#4. Making Words Count
ID #790333 entered on September 1, 2013 at 9:41pm

#3. Characters and Complications
ID #789446 entered on August 22, 2013 at 7:55am

#2. The Great Debate: Plot versus Character
ID #788025 entered on August 4, 2013 at 7:47pm

#1. Busting the Post-NaNo Blues
ID #787870 entered on July 31, 2013 at 11:57am

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