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A story about how you can never escape your past. Told in two point of views. |
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[Prologue] April 24th, 2010 Dear Diary, Happy Easter. I can't believe it's been three months since Julia, it feels just like it was yesterday. I'm still waiting for it all to fade away like some bad dream, to wake up screaming and have her at my side telling me that everything was going to be alright. I haven’t talked to a single person today, I can’t even walk into a room without feeling the heat of their stares on me. Any form of eye contact leads to tears brimming up behind their eyes and the blame emitting from their every pour and sticking to me like some disease. Mom hasn’t said anything to me since that night and I fear that she never will. Harvey is the one who speaks, and though I won’t ever show it little by little his words tear me down. I don’t think I can take any more of this, my whole life seems to be cracking into pieces, shattering before my eyes and there is nothing I can do to stop it. While everyone was eating, I stayed upstairs and found my escape, England. I have just been accepted to London University, and though I am excited, I know that what I am doing is cowardly. I can’t view it as running away, it’s simply me going and learning a new cultural and once I am on that plane everything will be forgotten and maybe mom can finally look at me and remember that she still loves me. I have yet to tell her, I am afraid she will rejoice in the idea of me moving away to England or that she will continue to look right through me as if I were the ghost. I have started a diary for when I leave with three reasons why. One; I have absolutely no one left, and who better to confine in then myself. Two; so I can look back and never forget what I had done that caused me to make such a hasty decision and three; so when I wake up I can write down the dreams I have of Julia. She’s always there, haunting the darkest corners of my mind, following my every step and watching me with dead eyes. I’m not mad and this dairy will prove it. I just need an escape, a place to breath and start new without people knowing what I had done. Everything will get better, I can feel it. ~Riley To Mother; ‘He finally did it, but of all days to choose, honestly.’ I know that is what you are saying, probably as you stand above my body looking down at me in disgust, and I would apologise for ruining your Easter dinner if my death even affected it at all. Yes, it has taken me more than once to kill myself, which most people would think was a sign that they were meant to live but I haven’t the desire or strength to go on. Do you remember; when I was thirteen, I came to you for help, telling you that he harmed me and you accused me of telling lies? You forced me to go back without the slightest thought that maybe I had been telling you the truth. For years, you have been putting me into a situation that I cannot get myself out of, death becoming the only way. You have pushed to breaking point. You are my mother and you should have protected me when I needed you too. I should have never had to fear coming to you about what had happened to me, to beg you to listen and not to send me back there, but you were never much of a mother but you did help give me that nudge that I needed to finally do what I needed to. I am sorry I could never be the son you had wished for, the replica of you who kissed the ground that you walked on, I will never be that person and that is the one thing in my life that I am pleased about. To Father I’m sorry. This is my only way out and you have known of my intentions all along. I wish I could explain myself better to you but talking to you is almost like talking to a mirror, I can see my own reflection but I also see my pain and desire to die. You were unable to protect me, you didn’t even try and I fear that I may never be able to forgive you for that. I wish you the best and I hope you, unlike me, can escape from this hell that we call a home and make a new life elsewhere. Please do not think that I hate you or blame you for anything that had happened to me. I simply wish that you had been more of man and stood up to mum. Your Son; Drake To Him; You have ruined me. Destroyed every aspect of my life, tainted it with your touch and poisoned it with your words. You are supposed to be someone that people can trust but you are nothing more than the devil in disguise. Thanks to you I have been dead for years; wishing, begging and pleading for death to great me with its warm embrace. Heaven or hell I know I will be safer than if I were still here within your grasp. I still can’t figure out why God didn’t help me when he could have but looking back I now see that this was my help, the thoughts of death drifting in and out of my mind being his way of telling me. Everyone will know what you have done to me, not for my own reconciliation but for my own piece of mind that you can never harm another person again. Maybe this alone will be what I need to get myself into heaven after committing one of the worst sins and yet a part of me wishes that it won't, that I will be cast into hell to join others whom God has turned a deaf ear towards. I do hope you enjoy what shall soon come your way, and when it does you think of me and how I am the cause of your pain. |
| Chapter | 1 | Chapter 2: September | 75.49k |
| Chapter | 2 | Chapter 1: August | 54.76k |
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