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Starting a new blog July 17th, 2012, and my efforts toward publication with Author House |
Starting a new blog.   I'm in the final stages of editing and revision on my first work. In my portfolio you can find all the essays and poetry that I hope to include in my book. It will be publish by Author House as soon as I finish the manuscript. Even as motivated as I should be, am about getting my first book published, I've got this avoidance complex too. That's not way to get a book finished. And then there is my house family: three adult Siamese cats, five kittens that are almost 6 weeks old and are ready for their own new homes, my 11 year old German Shepherd Shadow, and a 9 week old Lab puppy. I'm the only human in the house. Pup was the latest arrival. He likes to chew, and we're not doing great on the poop training. Patience. Chew toys and lots of paper towels and walks down the street, but it's 100 degress by 4:00 pm this time of year. I don't like to melt in sweat. My house was a wreck before the puppy began rearranging things. Until I do something to make things better, it's an astonishing pile of who-knows-what. I'm also trying to tutor a 13 year old boy who really needs help. He got busted for trying to steal a cell phone, and spent his 13th birthday in jail. He was given some sort of book to read--rules and expectations, I imagine--and his mother said, "I should have told them he can't read. He's dyslexia and has bipolar disorder (and has schizophrenic symptoms too)." The boy needs help. His mother has spent his whole life using excuses for him not to succeed. It doesn't take a PHD to see that. The boy needs love too. I've never heard anything about his father, who is probably in Mexico. At least Grandma is in his life and lives close. I'm volunteering my time because his Mom has no money for a tutor. She's a friend of a friend who became my shopping girlfriend. I know I'm worth $20 per hour because I'm a former English, history, and reading teacher. The kids in the classroom, and student, parent and teacher behavior got to be too much for me to put up with and maintain a good outlook on life: I burned out in the classroom. But I still like to tutor one-to-one. His mother doesn't even understand what I'm trying to offer her son. She doesn't think he can learn, and that's what really sad. Her comment is always something like, "Well, he's dyslexia and bipolar and he takes meds--what do you expect!" (I had the same problems, I graduated college, and taught school for 12 years. This boy has no positive future I can see. I know that the term is "has dyslexia" or "is dyslexic." His mother drinks too much and seeks knowledge too little, and as far as I can tell--God not at all. I'm probably getting into something where I don't belong, but every 13 year old should be able to read--special ed classes or not. He's going to middle school next year because he's too old for elementary. He has no idea the shock that middle school and changing classes can be. He just has this sweet smile on his face when he talks about it. I haven't asked what he thinks about it, specifically, being passed on from fifth grade becasuse if you're 13 you are too old to be in the elementary school building. Good idea, as his 150 pounds doesn't make him fat, but he's a big little guy, compared to others in the fifth grade. I want to believe that he just needs a friend to help him get hold of learning and life. He and I are both diagnosed with bipolar disorder. As a former teacher, I can see his life pass before my eyes. I hope he doesn't lose his freedom and right to vote before he's 21, but if I were taking bets.... I can only do what I can do. We got him a library card last week, and he checked out 5 very easy books to read. He lost the library card last weekend. We returned the books today, but we couldn't get more because he didn't have $10 to pay for a replacement library card. It's not my bill, right?. I had a small flashback about being in the classroom, and kids don't have pencils, pens, or notebook paper, so I finally break down and supply these things myself. That became my philosophy. Pay out of my own pocket, or fight about it. I don't like to fight, and I don't like to have a reason to lose my temper if I supplied supplies. But there's a line I won't go past because this young man needs badly to learn about responsibility. Perhaps tomorrow, he'll be getting one of my cats kittens to live at his house, with his Mom, sister, and all his other pets. I've got to break him of calling me five times a day. When he calls and distracts me, my concentration on the book is shot. I've explained twice, but he's still calling me and saying, "What are you doing?" I've been nice so far. He's due for a comment like, "I was just about to write the best part of my essay but the phone rang and when you asked me what I was doing I forgot everything. Did you call me to help with my work today, or your work?" He's just lonely, but I'll block his number if he cuts off my ability to write for myself. Have to. Self-survival of the writer! So we shall see how things go. Wish us and me luck! Blogging Again. . . I suppose that blogging is evolving as a writing form. And I imagine the way everyone attacks their own blog is lilittle bit different, depending on their purposes. In trying to find paying writing jobs, I fell into writing blogs for my employer's purpose, usually sales. It didn't pay that well, and I didn't feel right not giving my best effort because I didn't feel passionate about the product. This blog is intended to vent attitudes, and not particularly to sell anything, although if you'd like to buy my book Bipolar Daydreams: Poems and Essays it will be available for sale through Amazon and other vendors before 2012 ends. I still hope to finish my manuscript and submit it before summer's end. Revision and editing is taking MUCH more time than I'd projected. The book is supposed to be my priority, but I keep taking multi-day breaks from working on it. I've been working with these essays and poems a lot for the past ten months. My ADHD kicks in and I can't remember if I'm re-reading something I wrote in another section or not. The essays have to be put in some sort of sensible order. Time order didn't work, so I'm trying to start slow and conservative, and add the more exciting stories for the middle and end. Then I need to decide which poems go in-between which poems. Format the info onto word, send the e-mail, and 45 days later it's a book. My topic is bipolar disorder, and my essays have info and opinion. I script my moods through my poetry--depression and mania too. I want to hit all the high points about bipolar facts, get rid of some bipolar myths, and see if I can find a reading audience that would like to experience a skewed perspective on life. My life isn't really skewed, I'm just a person with a bipolar diagnosis. I can't go into many details, because that's what I've been doing. I've kind of burned out on my subject. I live it, so I can never get away from it. But every so often I have to have a total brain break from thinking about my bipolar, or I'll start slipping into symptoms--or I feel like I will. At any rate, the book is not getting finished very fast. The essays in the "Bipolar Essays" folder have the chunk of what I'm trying to work on now. I have the essays printed out, because I know I read better from paper, plus I can put in my editing notes. I've gone through the reviews I received for these essays over time, so that way I have an idea on what kind of revision to do. What I set down my editing the last time, I had a big pink three ring notebook which contains all the essays. First thing I killed my chapter 2 and chapter 3. I don't think it was a mistake, but I need to be clear-headed and full of coffee or vitamin B-12. Spending time editing drains the life out of me. Once I get started, I may work on the manuscript for four or five hours--without a break. That's not wise, but it's kind of like I jump into my writing pool, and while I'm there I write for all I can. I like to have a clear day's agenda when I settle in to work on the book. Other things and people have been distracting me. More to expound on . . . should I really have volunteered to tutor a 13 year old kid in need? Anything we do with books will help, but he's SO behind in his grade level work, special ed, bipolar, schizophrenic, and his Mother cusses to him like she is a sailor. Sometimes my best efforts turn out to be exactly the opposite. With paying clients I get $20 per hour. This kid doesn't understand much about the world. Maybe we can help each other. Blogging Again. . . I suppose that blogging is evolving as a writing form. And I imagine the way everyone attacks their own blog is lilittle bit different, depending on their purposes. In trying to find paying writing jobs, I fell into writing blogs for my employer's purpose, usually sales. It didn't pay that well, and I didn't feel right not giving my best effort because I didn't feel passionate about the product. This blog is intended to vent attitudes, and not particularly to sell anything, although if you'd like to buy my book Bipolar Daydreams: Poems and Essays it will be available for sale through Amazon and other vendors before 2012 ends. I still hope to finish my manuscript and submit it before summer's end. Revision and editing is taking MUCH more time than I'd projected. Here is a link that probably leads nowhere at this point. It's yet to be developed for the book. The book is supposed to be my priority, but I keep taking multi-day breaks from working on it. I've been working with these essays and poems a lot for the past ten months. My ADHD kicks in and I can't remember if I'm re-reading something I wrote in another section or not. The essays have to be put in some sort of sensible order. Time order didn't work, so I'm trying to start slow and conservative, and add the more exciting stories for the middle and end. Then I need to decide which poems go in-between which poems. Format the info onto word, send the e-mail, and 45 days later it's a book. My topic is bipolar disorder, and my essays have info and opinion. I script my moods through my poetry--depression and mania too. I want to hit all the high points about bipolar facts, get rid of some bipolar myths, and see if I can find a reading audience that would like to experience a skewed perspective on life. My life isn't really skewed, I'm just a person with a bipolar diagnosis. I can't go into many details, because that's what I've been doing. I've kind of burned out on my subject. I live it, so I can never get away from it. But every so often I have to have a total brain break from thinking about my bipolar, or I'll start slipping into symptoms--or I feel like I will. At any rate, the book is not getting finished very fast. The essays in the "Bipolar Essays" folder have the chunk of what I'm trying to work on now. I have the essays printed out, because I know I read better from paper, plus I can put in my editing notes. I've gone through the reviews I received for these essays over time, so that way I have an idea on what kind of revision to do. What I set down my editing the last time, I had a big pink three ring notebook which contains all the essays. First thing I killed my chapter 2 and chapter 3. I don't think it was a mistake, but I need to be clear-headed and full of coffee or vitamin B-12. Spending time editing drains the life out of me. Once I get started, I may work on the manuscript for four or five hours--without a break. That's not wise, but it's kind of like I jump into my writing pool, and while I'm there I write for all I can. I like to have a clear day's agenda when I settle in to work on the book. Other things and people have been distracting me. More to expound on . . . should I really have volunteered to tutor a 13 year old kid in need? Anything we do with books will help, but he's SO behind in his grade level work, special ed, bipolar, schizophrenic, and his Mother cusses to him like she is a sailor. Sometimes my best efforts turn out to be exactly the opposite. With paying clients I get $20 per hour. This kid doesn't understand much about the world. Maybe we can help each other. It's not my debt, but what is my debt to society? I'll tutor until it's obvious he's not involved. He's done what I asked so far, just REAL fast, like 10 year olds do. We'll see what happens. |
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