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multiple personality |
She stood looking at her reflection in the kitchen window. Her hair looked mousy and limp, like it had just been out in a downpour. The bags under her eyes were noticeable, even through the glass and maybe she’d have to start thinking about plastic surgery soon. Forty was about the right time and while she was at it, she could get that tummy tuck she’d been needing too. Since the doctors would be on opposite ends of her body, neither one would get in the others way. Headlights turned into the drive. Shit, was it already 6 o’clock? She pulled out a frozen steak from the freezer and turned on the hot water from the tap, sticking the plastic wrapped meat in a bowl to sit and thaw. She grabbed a red apron from the drawer, tying it quickly, telling herself to look busy, as she picked up a sponge to wipe the counter, the remains of breakfast still in evidence. He slammed the truck door and reached down to pick up the paper, then came to the side door, pounding his feet on the matt outside first to release the mud caked on his soles. “Hey,” he said, as he opened and shut the door. “How was your day?” she asked, thinking that was the proper thing to ask when one’s husband comes home from work. But maybe she should have said, “Oh, I’m so glad you’re home. I missed you today.” The thing was, she didn’t want to lie and since she couldn’t remember what had actually happened during the day or how long she’d been standing there at the window, she left it at that. He walked over to her and put his muscled, hairy arms around her waist but she didn’t turn. “You’re sweaty,” was the only thing she could think to say. “It’s not even hot out.” “Well hon, I did just get off work. It’s not exactly the easiest thing digging ditches and transplanting trees all day. Oh, and let’s not forget the rocks I move or the fact Mrs. Reyes had me crawl under her house this morning because she thought her cat was stuck.” “Was he?” She was concerned. He turned her around to face him but she avoided his eyes. Looking at anyone in the eyes would mean she could be examined too closely. “How’re you feeling?” he asked her, stroking her hair. “Fine.” Fine was a pencil line, zero 1, zero 2, zero 3. She walked a fine line, her hair was fine. It hung. He looked at her while she fidgeted in his arms. “What did you do today? Did you workout with the DVD you bought?” She tried to remember but couldn’t. What had she done? A zapping tiredness ran throughout her limbs and all she wished was to slip through his arms and lie down and sleep, right there on the kitchen floor. Those pills were strong. “Yes, I did the whole thing twice.” To her, it wasn’t a lie if she’d meant to do it. He looked happy and lightly squeezed one of her butt cheeks. “I feel those muscles tightening already.” “You love me?” she asked, half expecting him to laugh. “Well, what do you think?” his grey eyes looking gently at her, holding her tighter. Her eyes darted around the room. “What are you looking at?” He was so patient. “There’s something in the room but every time I look, it moves away.” “It’s just your eyes playing tricks on you. It’s okay. Nothing is going to hurt you, I promise.” He seemed so sure of himself that she wanted to believe him. Still, she had to ask, “How do you know?” “I just do. Trust me. There’s no one here. Just us, right now.” He squeezed her and something inside her body loosened up, letting him give her his love. It was hard to make room for anyone else’s feelings, even when it was affection. “I thought I felt God today.” She used to feel what she thought was God all the time when she was a little girl. He would surround her, especially when she would stand in the hallway of her parents old home and she remembered the beauty and peacefulness of those feelings, like a halo, protecting her. “You’re lucky, you know,” he said, letting her go to get a glass of water, drinking the whole thing in almost one long gulp. “I don’t feel him much. Lots of people never feel God but still believe he’s there anyhow.” “Yes,” she sighed, “but I wish he’d stay longer.” “He’s got a lot of places to go. Give the guy some slack.” He was playing along. “Come and sit down with me,” and he took her hand, walking them into the living room. It was in the same state of disorganization as it had been this morning. He couldn’t expect much more from her and knew it would take time. “Turn that cute little body around. Let me untie this silly apron.” He tossed it to the side and pulled her onto his lap. “Hon,” He stopped, unsure what words to use which would be the right ones. “Did you take your medicine today?” She couldn’t remember taking any, even though something inside her knew she had. There was that glass or two of wine during the afternoon. She remembered that. Whether or not her meds had been washed down was another matter. “I don’t know.” She felt like a blank slate, all the numbers and letters had been wiped off, not a trace of chalk dust left behind. Rita would be wanting out soon. She came about the same time every night. She heard the knock and her body tensed. “Hey, relax hon. Relax.” Scott rubbed her shoulders and almost immediately, she found herself standing outside her body, watching him do it. It looked like it felt good as she watched her head turn, moving her neck slowly from side to side. Then she squiggled her butt up against him. “That’s right. See, you can do it.” He never knew when Rita came. She was the Queen of Magic. She made no noise as she approached, but could appear or disappear at will. “Um, I like that. Yeah, right there,” Rita said to him as she turned around to kiss him smack on the mouth with her full red lips, parting to touch his tongue. He liked Rita. He might even love her. |
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