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 |  Am I supposed to write? |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Documenting the trials and tribulations of sharing my writing. I know it will be a grand adventure. I'm sure I'll get a sore butt from the bumps along the way, but they are just part of the ride. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Yes, today is a historic day for so many reasons. The obvious are the festivities for the inauguration of President Obama. Type inauguration into Google and I’m guessing there will be over three million hits, give or take a million or two. I’m happy he’s the new president but there is something so much better to celebrate; George W. is gone! While I watch the crowds gather in front of the Lincoln Memorial, I wonder how many people are celebrating the election of Obama and how many are relieved George Wack-a-do is gone. This moron lied to America and declared war on Iraq. He watched the economy take a nosedive and pushed for corporate bailouts until the final moments of his presidency. The US must be experiencing a collective sigh of relief. I’ve heard the redneck say history will remember him fondly. I think he’s setting himself up for disappointment. I believe history will declare him the worst President ever who never got out from daddy’s shadow. One day someone will have to explain how he managed to get elected, not once but twice?!? There is an adage that asserts a country gets the government it deserves. I can’t make myself believe any country deserved him. I think his two terms in office taught all Americans how powerful an election is and the importance of voting. I believe, but could be wrong, voter turnout was the highest it has been in years. I wonder if Wack-a-do realized this was as much of a reaction against him as it was for Obama. Congratulations to the United States of America, for today you are free from the wants and desires of a crazy man. Out with the old, in with the new! |
| I'm repeating my mantra, over and over again. Read a lot, write a lot. Read a lot, write a lot. Thank-you Mr. King for reminding me of the things I love. Reading and writing are pleasures which tend to get lost amongst the responsibilities in my life. It is time to make some changes. If I'm going to spend more time, the goal is an hour, reading and writing, I'll have to spend less time doing something else. When I say this out loud, it sounds like finding an hour to do things I love is difficult. I know a lot of people who wish they could add an hour to their day. Not having the time to do things is an excuse that most of us have used at one time or another. Being honest with myself and scrutinizing EVERY activity that takes up my time, I've had to face the fact that I could easily have an hour to myself if I reduced several time wasting activities. Yes, I spend more than hour a day doing things that add nothing to my life. My number one time-waster, you ask? Looking for things I've misplaced! I've never thought of myself as being extremely disorganized but apparently I thought wrong. I spend well over an hour looking for, among other things, my coffee mug, my water mug and the cordless phone. The remote control, my keys and my slippers are other items that are rarely in the first place I look. I'm beginning to see the value in the addage "A place for everything and everything in its place". If you really wanted to find more time in your day, what could you give up? You have to be honest with yourself! Do you watch too much TV? Can you make the 5 minute phone call into an hour long gab fest? Are your fingers forming callouses from surfing the net too much? How do you waste your time? |
| I've done it! After many long days, hundreds of cups of coffee and several throbbing headaches, I've cleared my schedule and will be able to participate in Nano. Now I can look forward to much of the same over the next thirty days only I'll be having the time of my life. I've been thinking about Nano for a couple of months. Last year it crept up on me and I didn't have the time to do the deed. This year I should have all the time I need. If the creative side of me shows up, I'm golden. I'm approaching Nano with a "no fear" attitude. I figure it is the best way to get the most out of this incredible experience. I continue to remind myself of the freedom Nano allows the writer inside of me. Thirty days with my internal editor locked in the broom closet. If I can't get myself writing through November, in these ideal conditions, I have no idea what will jump start my writing again. I get through the month knowing there are thousands of writers out there, all participating in the same insanity and sharing in the suffering. It is nice to know I'm not the only person who has lost my mind. Good luck to everybody and may you let yourself write freely and uncensored. |
| I have sticky notes posted around the house to remind me that I want to be a writer. I read somewhere that one should write down their goals and read them often. I find a plethora of post-its does the job. A variety of inks on a rainbow of coloured papers adorn the walls in every room. My scribbles are not only visual reinforcement, they also remind me to evaluate what I’m doing to achieve my goals. Apparently just listing the things one wants out of life isn’t good enough; you actually have to act on your dreams. I try to keep the words “read a lot, write a lot” in the forefront of my brain but it’s been very disorganized up there and a lot of crap has been pushed to the front. I might have mentioned it before, I am easily distracted. Having many different things on my mind does not bode well for anything requiring my complete attention for more than 17 seconds. Some call it adult ADD, I call it being stressed out at a busy time of year and not sleeping well. The bottom line is I got ants in my pants and I struggle to read or write in this condition. So I ask myself, Self, what are you doing to hone your craft? Keeping the guilt at bay are the activity books I keep beside my bed. Before you wander into the gutter, I remind you I am a word nerd. The books I refer to are full of crossword puzzles or grammar exercises or word enrichment challenges. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it. You’d be surprised how satisfying learning can be. Sometimes, I even need a cigarette when I finish a puzzle. When I began this practice , I considered myself somewhat of a perfectionist when it came to good grammar and proper punctuation. I do some editing and even less proofreading but still anticipated I’d cruise through my Grammar for Idiots Workbook. Once again, I was wrong. I need to stop being surprised at how little I know. Of course, I skipped directly to the section about the most common mistakes people make. I was full of confidence and knew I was smarter than most people. I’m not. Despite the immense amount of knowledge my brain had absorbed over my lifetime, I had to admit I didn’t know everything and I too, made the same mistakes as the public at large. Over the past ten years, I’ve completed dozens of types of various lexicon challenges and puzzles and I still continue to learn. But I also have fun, relax and can fall asleep with the visions of words dancing in my dreams. It’s an effortless habit that serves as a constant reminder that I’m working towards becoming a magnificent writer one day. Until then, I blog. |
| I wanted to write today. I put blog on my To-do list. I refused to turn on the TV, denying myself the pleasure of watching the Olympics . My imagination wandered while I did my household chores, and I let it. In any way I could think, I prepared myself to write. While I dusted, I repeated the words read a lot, write a lot, read a lot, write a lot. I didn’t commit to the computer or the pen. Nor did I commit to a certain style. It might be a blog entry, it could be a short story or a freewrite. With no expectations, I couldn’t let myself down. I was giving myself the freedom to do absolutely, positively anything I wanted. I didn’t care if I chose to write my name over and over again. Some of you are thinking this entry is the product of my time spent writing. You would be incorrect. This time was actually set aside to run a couple of errands. Despite my great intentions, I found an excuse not to write. Apparently, I could not let the creative juices flow until I found my Mickey Mouse book cover. I’m so pissed off at myself. How come I keep letting this happen? Shit! I have no focus or discipline. I sat down to write. I had decided I wanted to work on the particular wording of a section of a scene of a novella I’ve been outlining. I looked at my pile of notes…loose leaf pages, index cards, paper towels and yes, even toilet paper. At that moment I decided my chaos needed to be organized and I couldn’t write until I found Mickey Mouse because he would be perfect for this job. For the next hour I searched drawers and closets and boxes of crap. I never found Mickey Mouse nor did I get to do my writing. Yes, there is this blog entry but it cost me my errands. This is more like a rant to vent the negative feelings I’m having because I let myself down, again. Fuck! I’m so easily distracted. I know I have difficulty with focus and concentration. I try to beat down this monster but don’t always have success. The logical part of my brain does not understand why I do this. I thought scheduling my time would help me be more productive but I still found an excuse to avoid writing. I seem to have a short circuit between the creative idea part of my brain and the smart part that needs to choose words to describe the story created by the creative part of my melon. Incredible tales live in my brain but no matter how hard I try, I can’t communicate the story. Nothing I write matches the images in my mind. This is my definition of frustration. Ugh! I know I’m not the only one to experience these feelings. I know it will pass and I’m familiar with all that other applicable psychobabble. It just pisses me off when I stumble for no good reason and I needed to rant about it. A pissy blog beats hitting a wall. |
| Despite hours of contemplation, I find it difficult to resurrect the habit of blogging. I’m not sure why this is such a challenge. I enjoy blogging but it seems once I’m at the computer, my thought process lapses. As soon as writing becomes an effort, I back away and tell myself ”maybe tomorrow”. Not today! Today I blog. I might ramble incessantly or make no sense to anyone other than myself. I could rant about something that pisses me off. I may merely take the opportunity to reintroduce myself to the land of the bloggers. Indecision is one of my many fantastic qualities. In my mind, somewhere, is a rant about the coverage of Madonna’s 50th birthday. I love the lady but she ain’t the first broad to hit this landmark. The Olympics give birth to a great number of topics… politics, the spirit of competition and of course Michael Phelps. Mother Nature is up to her tricks. Parts of the country are dry while others are being flooded. Unseasonable temperatures exist coast to coast, the ice cap is disappearing and there are still those who question the existence of global warming. Those individuals piss me off. So many topics, so little focus. As unattractive as this babble is, it does represent an honest effort to include blogging as a regular part of my life. And it didn’t hurt at all.  |
| Since when does anybody owe you anything? Yes, I'm pissed off, again. I live in a manufacturing city. It has always been an industrial hub that is highly unionized. Our local economy ebbs and flows with the automotive industry. If you're not aware, at the current time the auto sector is experiencing difficulty. Downsizing and plant closures are a regular occurrence here. If you live in this area, one should know this and accept it as a fact of life. For three years now, GM has been closing parts of a large facility they have here. GM now announced that by August 2010 the factory shall be completely abandoned. Bad news, yes; a surprise, no. I won't argue that losing one's job is not traumatic but didn't you see the writing on the wall? Displaced employees have two years to find other employment. Sorry, odds are it won't be a $32.85/hr job but this is a key reason the plant is closing. Suck it up and find an average job like everyone else. You had to know your job was in jeopardy. Why weren't you saving, planning or already seeking other work? Why do you think the government should keep the plant open? It's losing money. Why should my tax dollars subsidize your high wages? Repeatedly the auto manufacturers have asked for rollbacks. I know unions hate that word but when the choice is give back $2.00/hr, this still keep wages above $25.00/hr for most employees, and keep the plants open or no job at all, wouldn't you think making a small sacrifice would be worth it in the long run? A second company is about to announce it's closing its local plant and moving the work across the border. They have been publicly open about the fact they cannot afford the labour; they want a $1.75 rollback in hourly wage and a $2.00 co-pay on prescriptions. The union has been on strike for close to three months now. By the end of next week, it is predicted these people will not have jobs. Why is this anyone's fault but their own? When did we, as a society, develop this sense of entitlement? The "all or nothing" approach is not always the best plan. Every day I hear something about governments needing to step up and do something about global warming. Is there a giant pollution sucker somewhere that someone is refusing to turn on? We, you and I, are the ones who must do things to save our earth. The government can only make laws, we can take action. We can recycle. We can make our homes eco-friendly. We can encourage employers to be responsible. We can participate in local environmental groups. Why are waiting for the government to save us? People complain there will be no social security when they retire. So? This means you must start planning your retirement now. Why should the government and my tax dollars pay for your retirement? We have an overburdened health care system yet people don't want to take better care of themselves. Taking a pill is easier than adding a little bit of exercise to your routine or cutting out one fast food meal a week. Some people have the balls to sue the fast food chains because the plaintiffs didn't realize eating crap would make you fat. Idiots! It's like the people who sued because coffee was being served too hot. Of course the coffee is hot and if you are in your car there is a chance you will spill it on yourself. Why is this not your fault? When will we realize the world we have is the one we created? Don't look at others for help, look in the mirror. |
| I considered rambling on with the details of the past weeks but opted not to sadden or bore you. Life happens, you deal with it and move on. I believe I will never be given more than I can handle. So, to the past I give a big old p-f-f-f-f-f-t-t-t-t. I've decided, again, to jump back into the blogging world. I have had far too much time to think these past weeks. Some thoughts were rather entertaining but I'm sure they were drug induced. Other mental wanderings were both sad and joyous. However, most of my time was spent asking questions. Yes, I was child whom always asked why?. Today I'm asking people WHY governments chose to spend billions of dollars on the Phoenix Mission when there are endless problems on this planet which are in need of financial aid. I've heard the arguments about discovery and future needs and history and yada, yada, yada. Nobody has convinced me that this is more important than current ailing health care systems, under-funded public school systems and a weakening infrastructure. Somebody please explain why finding ice/water on Mars, millions of miles away, is a higher priority that our children, our sick, our homeless...... Let's be clear. I am not disrespecting the accomplishment itself. It's an incredible feat and worthy of celebration. I'm questioning why public monies were used to fund the project. Man landed a probe on Mars. So what? Our local casino, a money making venture, received $30 million to help cover the costs of its expansion. Really? We can find $30 million for a casino while hospitals and schools stand in line with their hands out. When did our priorities become so fucked up? These are things I think about with too much time on my hands. My mind wanders and since the news was my sole company for a while, certain topics got under my skin. The above paragraphs are a condensed version of my pages of scribblings. It seems when I'm not feeling well, I tend to get opinionated and pissed off. Who knew? |
READY, SET, WRITE! Yup, you guessed it, FREEWRITE! Again, I have to beg others to try and make this part of your writing practice. I can’t tell you how much I’ve come to look forward to this Thursday night adventure. When I began this ritual, the writing was forced and I faked the excitement. I’ve always enjoyed the freewrite experience but posting it for the world to see was scary. Now I write freely and the 17 minutes fly by. READY, SET, WRITE… All righty, I’ve been thinking about tis topic all day and by some fluke of nature, I never forgeot it. I’m very pleased with myself, although I can sense my fingers aren’t excited to cooperate. I’m tired of the word freewrite. I’ve considered many other titles and I thik ny new favourite expression is Bare Naked Writing. It sounds a bit naughty and a whole lots of fun. It also happens to emprace the idea behind freewriting. Freewriting is about not worrying ………….. New sentence…. I made the fatal mistake of thinking ahead, rather than letting it flow. It’s because I’m so excited about my new title. Bare Naked Writing. Tell me ti didn’t put a smile on your face when you read those words. Nothing can be more naked than a freewrite. There is no credding up the ….fingers on the wrong keys. And just when I was bragging this was fun. Is it too late to issue a retraction. Damn, can’t do that in a freewrite. I’m struggleing because I cant think of the words todescribe the liberating feeli…………….. STOP THINKING. A freewrite is not the time to become philosophical. Write what comes to your head… the thoughts that have been on the back burner all day. Anywasy, back to bare naked writing. Good spelling, proper grammar and all that other stuff is what dress up the writing. Most of the time, or al least this is my experience, my freewrites have none of that. You get what you see. My hand written freewrites can be even gulier, especially if I’m struggling to either get something out of my head or looking for just the write word. Typing the freewrite does greatly reduce he amount of effort I have previously but into doodling. My handwriting size also changes and I can cross something out and fain a feeling of satisfaction. If I were to go back and either format the strike out feature over all the words I wish I didn’t write OR erase everything I don’t like, there would be few words left on the page. Hence, the purpose of the bare naked write. You have to face yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. Each writer bares their sould when writing a story or poem or whatever. Bare Naked writing sounds so much more fun than freewrite. A freewrite sounds like work. Bare naked writing sounds like fun. Again, my own words are biting me in the ass. I’ve been so excited about my new expression, I never realized I could tell you about it in about three minutes. I don’t think I had a real good plan for the remaining time. Oh well, I think there mght be some uglier naked writing on prev ious Thursdays but I believe this has got to be near the top. I guess the bottom line is I hope that calling this exercise bare naked writing, others will start to believe how much fun it is. It sucks to struggle for words when you want to be a writer. I hope there will be lots of people getting naked in the near future. If we all do it, we’re trendy. If only I do it, I become the crazy streaker. I can see the headlines now… STREAKER RUNS THROUGH BLOGVILLE. My mind is beginning to go places where it really shouldn’t, not here anyways. It should have been expected with a name like bare naked writing. Can youtell you’ve been part of ans experiment about pepeition. It could aoso be about code breaking with all the typos. Have ou figured out what has beee TIME! |
| Rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper, paper beats rock. Rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper, paper beats rock. Rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper, paper beats rock. I’ve tried saying this over and over again, yet my brain is not getting much younger. It’s much different playing the game than answering questions about it. If Tommy throws paper, and Sylvie loses to Tommy, what did she throw? I bet you had to pause for a moment and think about it. Not as easy as you thought it would be? Remember, this is also a timed exercise that penalizes wrong answers.I have been doing the daily brain training and STILL when I check my brain age I’m not improving, like I think I should, because I SUCK at Rock, Paper, Scissors. I didn’t think the silly game could cause so much stress. I’m abandoning the mantra for a more direct and simpler chart. WINNER LOSER rock scissors scissors paper paper rock I’m not the type to cheat, so I won’t have my chart handy when I’m doing the brain age check but perhaps if I commit this to memory, I can recapture some of my youth. My short-term memory also bites the big one. The exercise is to memorize the numbers one to twenty five, presented in a random order in a 5 x 5 grid and then recreate the array. Two minutes to memorize and two minutes write. Ugh! Again, there is a penalty for every wrong answer. My simple mathematics are awesome. Unfortunately, the key word in the previous sentence is simple and not awesome, but everything is relative. In this particular category, I can feel confident that I kicked some ass. I may be slower in all the other exercises, but I can add and subtract single digit numbers with the best of them.  I am a Sudoku goddess. I flew through the first few of the highest skill level shown and unlocked the Advance skill level. Nobody else came close to my speeds BUT the Sudoku game is an extra, outside of the brain training so my fabulous scores aren’t used in calculating my brain age. * *Wonders if it’s significant that the two previously mentioned activities involve single digit numbers. * * Another friend arrived with a different Brain Age game today. Again, the Sudoku is outside the brain training activities. I’m a bit nervous about trying the new game. I’m so fucking happy that I’m finally getting younger, I’m not sure I could handle being 73 again. Wish me luck. |
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... Ya for NaNo etc etc but I MISS YOU. WAHHHHH......