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 |  probably stuff i think is funny. or aggravating. or both. |
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| almost! almost. sooooon. today, i spackled, sanded, yanked baseboards, taped, primed, and painted.* took me twelve hours, including breaks. and it looks FABULOUS!! i'm quite proud, which is something i don't usually say. just wanted to pop in, brag for a minute. i rock!! gimme some hungry chickens, my friends! and.....good night. *P also did a lot, sanding & painting--he is the Original Man Of Action.  |
| i was joking with my man, P, threatening to write about his tendency to wear my socks, and my shorts, when he's lounging around the house...but i'm not writing about that. i promised i wouldn't. nope, tonight i'm writing about food. god, i love food. and eating. eating's key, really. i wonder who all feels this way, in the wild kingdom...domesticated animals can eat the same thing every day their entire lives & be happy. they still get excited when they see the bowls come out; no matter how many times they've gotten kibble, they still love kibble! imagine. for the remaining years of your life, this exact ham sandwich, the very one on your plate right now, will be your only sustenance. assuming the ham sandwich contains at least the minimum required nutrients to sustain me well into my 70s...80s....(90s?), that'd mean i'll have eaten over 35,000 ham sandwiches, at least, starting with today's. and i'm not counting special occasions, or those monthly pigouts. girls, you know what i'm talkin' about. i like ham, but c'mon. so, how come we monkeys need so much variety in our diets? i know, i know. we're omnivores, we need a variety of food types to keep ourselves nutritionally balanced. and sane. but, bears are omnivores, right? what do they eat, in addition to the occasional hiker? grubs, berries...salmon if the time is right. are bears crazy, or do they just have lower expectations than we do? if you were limited to three food items to eat, for the REST of your LIFE, what would they be? and how long do you think you'd live (or want to), eating only those foods, prepared in exactly the same fashion every meal? i really wanna know. |
| yes, i am a cancer. i have the crunchy outer shell, and the squishy inner self. i pinch, when i feel threatened. or, when i'm in the mood for a good pinch. i'm all emotional, and girly with it, even though all outward signs wouldn't lead you to see me that way. and i know those astrology books are bunk, that everyone has traits that can apply to any of the signs. i have a degree in psychology. i know stuff. but it's fun to believe in magic. to believe in a world where wanting something bad enough can make it happen. or that our thoughts have the ability to affect the physical plane. that we're all connected, on a metaphysical level. or that the information our senses bring back to us isn't the only knowledge out there. we all want more. some of us believe there is more. whether this is ultimately true, what fascinates me is our need, as a species, to hold on to this believing. we have many different faiths, but the common thread is the belief in a world we don't have tangible contact with. i love this about us, this need for something more. |
| you know those songs that rattle around in your head, regardless of what you're trying to get done? i have a habit of whistling while i...work. and no, i'm not a dwarf. but i tend to fall back on the classics. like the song 'ragtime doll', from the warner bros cartoon with the singing & dancing frog? that's a good one. and 'strangers in the night'. the love theme from the 1978 superman movie. i tried 'flight of the bumblebees' once, but i sprained my upper lip on that one. for professionals, only. the andy griffith show theme song! everybody does that one, tho. 'it came upon a midnight clear' works...but i have no idea what that song's about. the muppet show theme song!! good for doing dishes to. this is my lip repertoire, my whistlin' portfolio. it keeps me chuckling to myself through the day's drudgery. it's the little things, yeah? |
| and another thing. people are beautiful, man. we have such capacity for immense beauty, both physical and metaphysical, i wanna stop & shake people who i see obsessing about the trivial, the mascara, or the 'right' shoes. whatevah. if we'd learn to look at each other with truth & humility, we'd see how silly so much of what we worry about is. and evil people. well, sure. they need to be beaten to death with sticks. which reminds me. has anyone else heard about the current atrocity in china, with rabies?? because of a few cases, several regions have adopted an official extermination program of ALL DOGS. special squads are attacking dogs being walked by their owners and killing them on the spot. they're patrolling neighborhoods at night, making noise to get dogs barking, then killing them in their own yards. beating them to death with sticks. i...i...i'm literally sick thinking about this. un-frickin-believable. i changed my mind. people suck. we've ruined our shot at achieving any sort of evolved state of being, and now it's Mother Earth's responsibility to scrape us off like yesterday's gum. we're doing it ourselves, but not fast enough. not nearly. i'm so depressed. |
| nothing cheers me up more than hearing about or experiencing people getting along. connecting, in some way. we seem to take that for granted, when it's the one thing that truly makes the world go 'round. with all the money grubbing and mad scrabbling for land & resources us monkeys do, finding glimmers of respect and affection among us just lights my fire, as that blind latino guitarist dude would say. can't remember his name right now. you know who he is. let us love one another, people. life is short enough, without the mutual realization we're all on this ride together. big thanks to pencilsoverpens  's blog on hugging to remind me. you rock, pencils. |
| well, this blog is all about me! me me me! what i feel, think, believe, need...okay, yes. i am premenstrual. why do you ask? well, the kitchen's mostly done--all that's left is the painting & the floor. in other words, our part. the weirdest thing: having a strange person in your house for three days. nice person, skilled, polite, makes the small talk, but still awkward & stressful enough to bind me up for several days after, if you know what i'm sayin'.  while he's around, you feel like you should treat him as a guest, but you're paying for him to be there, which makes it feel dirty. sullied. like you're using him, even though he's getting compensated prettily. so, you offer him soda, coffee, sandwiches, etc. every time you leave to run an errand, you let him know, as if he's gonna care one way or another, give you a smack on the cheek or something. other than family, do we ever invite people we don't know into our homes for this long a period of time? we ended up hiding in the bedroom for most of it. peeking out when we'd hear him leave to saw something, or smoke a ciggie. thinking about it now, we turned into the neurotic family cat that runs behind the sofa when strangers come over. all big eyes, bumping into doorways because we're too busy keeping an eye on the STRANGER. i swear, it's instinctual, this reaction. fight or flight? neither one fits. hiding worked pretty well, tho. |
| we took the dogs to a friend's house today. the kitchen's getting gutted tomorrow, and we figured it'd be better not to have Hyper-Dog and Stupendous-Pooch gallivanting around in the middle of it. surely a stray whack with a sledgehammer would do irreparable damage to a dog's brainpan. surely. sigh. so, they're gone for a night or two. i miss them so much already!!! they're so irritating, but so sweet. P and i are having disaster daydreams, whereupon we discover the dogs in our friend's yard, covered in ants, or eating nails, or getting heatstroke, or getting experimented on by the creepy neighborhood boy genius, or getting loose to run into heavy traffic...or having a fabulous time & forgetting all about their dull but loving parents. i am sooo never having kids. i can't take it!!! |
| i'm going to my first interview in ten years today. i'm nervous as fuck already, so i'm trying to focus on the things that make me happy. serene. like dr pepper. and my dog's goofy grin. and my pillow. love that pillow. my lovah's pate. that moment in buffy's last episode, when potential slayers everywhere get their power. bacon cheeseburger from fuddrucker's. getting email from my writing.com buddies. *SIGH* wink wink, nudge nudge.wish me luck, yo. |
| you know, you isolate yourself from the outside world long enough, and funny things start to happen. like, i can feel the individual hairs on my legs. i keep checking for flies crawling through them, but nothing. just...hairs. and, i'm much more aware of the dogs' breathing patterns. the cat always keeps her shit hidden, so i don't know what she's doing. even having been home, i don't see her. for hours. what's she up to? it's not like she has the cranial capacity for planning and executing anything more complicated than a good stretch, so wtf? if i find a tiny anarchist's bible laying around, i'm moving. other stuff: i counted the crumbs in the bottom of the toaster oven today. didn't clean them out. just counted. very relaxing, by the way. highly recommended, if you can't get your hands on a fish tank. but i feel guilty, now. so tomorrow, i may look for pictures of jesus on the hard water stains in the shower. that'd be something. jesus watches you while you shower. and each shower makes him stronger. clearer. eventually, if you never clean the tub, he could come all the way back. i should call jerry falwell. see what he thinks. time off well spent!! |
| i went to the doctor today. checkup. also to renew my allergy prescriptions. this doctor, she wants me to start blood pressure medication, and anti-depressants. to help me lose twenty pounds. a little overkill, n'est pas? remember when we were kids, and the only pills we had to take were flintstones vitamins? i hate pills. always have. don't like aspirin, even. i was sick, home from school with the flu, when my dad gave me aspirin & water. i gave it the old grade-school try, but inevitably, i threw up aspirin water all over his suit. he wasn't pleased. so now, i take two daily medications for my allergies, & my birth control pill. that's not even counting vitamins. i'm full up, doc. jeebus. how about i lose weight the old-fashioned way, and let nature take its course? how about that? |
| i found some old blog entries, from another site. 'a dangerous thing', i think it was called.
see if you likey. |
| i've been with him for six years & change, and we know each other pretty darned well. we've been shacking up for two years, now, and while some shifting of contents has occurred, we're closer than i ever thought we'd be. it's love, for real & for true. the other afternoon, as we napped, i watched his toes. his feet do the twitchy thing, as he dozes, and as i stared, and daydreamed, i was overwhelmed with love. i know him, in and out, his every plane, curve, scar, whisker...and while i recognize his toes ("Number 4, officer. Definitely. Those are the toes that stole my handbag."), i haven't memorized them yet. and in a way, i kinda wanna leave them a bit of mystery. leave me a bit of 'strange'. we're close, together, partners. but i love reminders that we're not the same person, that we've had different experiences, opinions, beliefs...lovers. it wakes up that constant crazy lust we had in the beginning, when we were more strangers than friends--all tantalizing mutual discovery. when whormones ran amock. we still get the two-backed weasel going, don't get me wrong. but getting a good look at the toes is like a shot of Lustophan straight to the naughty bits. instant magic. stay away from the toes, ladies. they're mine.  |
| i haven't lost the old one. it's more like it's lost me. i've been working for this company for ten years--funny, until a few months ago, i felt proud about that particular statistic--and have been happy there. there's always the good and the bad. i know there's no perfect job out there for me. for anybody. nobody pays for quality grape-peeling anymore. plus, i'm no eunuch. but for a while, this one came pretty close a lot of the time. so, i'm sad, disillusioned, a bit bored, mebbe. but now that the possibility of a different job bobs & weaves on the horizon, i'm feeling a glimmer of excitement--one i haven't felt for a long time. i'd worried about creating my current dissatisfaction, or exaggerating it, anyhow. but this hope & excitement shows me i really am ready for something different...a new challenge! a noble pursuit, serving the everyman, for the betterment of my fellow tucsonans... i'll...i'll...i'll learn the INSURANCE biz!!!! (that sounded more exciting in my head. ) |
| you ever start eating your breakfast cereal, savoring the perfect combination of sliced banana, oaty clusters, and frosty whole milk, then look down into the bowl to see what looks like a freaking ROACH LEG bobbing along? it floats, bumping up against the flakes, latching on for a bit with its spiny hairs, spreading its roachy fever all across your meal? you can practically feel the sores open up, watching it. i haven't either, but i was thinking about how much that'd suck. i have this tendency, and tell me if i'm alone with this, to imagine alternative outcomes to situations i come across through the day. i ride an escalator, and flash on the towheaded tyke in front of me getting his laces caught between the metal teeth, screaming as he's yanked through, slowly squeezed like a tube of meatpaste all over the other patrons. they're also screaming. of course, everything's fine. nothing happened, on that roller-coaster ride to the second promenade, where the orange julius is. i always make damned sure i know where the emergency stop button is, tho. or, i used to work in a donut shop, in college, and every time i passed the deep fryer, i'd have gorgasms involving me, waist-deep & facedown in the hot oil, plumping up like a ballpark frank. all rosy, blistered, split open. probably still bobbing for that donutty treat. they're not always about death, these imachinations. but usually, it's some potentially narrow miss. some fluke of fate. something about the whimsy of the universe reassures me, i think. in a way, i have control over so little in this world, it's freeing. it's probably also why i'm still radically underemployed...but there could be other factors there, too. that's better thought on in another entry. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ah, sweet irony. |
| hey, i'm running to starbucks! anybody want anything? macchiato? anything? you sure? fucking proles. |
| worse, i've been dull. the worst offense, in an offensive world. firstly, though, before i descend into the depths of my empty, soulless...soul, i'd like to thank the fabulous zaman & Zachy-poo for my birthday wishes the other day. zaman even sent me a Birthday Merit Badge!! I'm not in the loop on merit badge meaning & significance, but what a generous gesture! and from someone who knows nothing about me, too. mwaahuaahuaaaa!!! no, seriously. i was touched, and a bit embarrassed, for i am unworthy. yes, i said it. why, laurie? why do you feel you are, how you say, unclean? sullied? unholy spawn of the great hoary underlord? (okay, maybe that's taking it too far.) well, here's the truth. i...i...i'm bored. boring. in a world full of sensual, intellectual, and spiritual delights, i can't find a way to spend my free time that doesn't involve iced caramel macchiatos, game stores, and waaaaay too much time cruising the internet (cuteoverload.com! totally check it out!). i have become my worst enemy: the overprivileged, pablum-sucking, self-righteous (but ironically unaware) yuppie scumbucket. i scrape people like this off the soles of my shoes...or, i used to. all is lost. if i were fighting for the forces of good, i'd destroy myself, and find a way to take everyone else with me as i did it. lucky for y'all, i'm too caught up in this sweaty free-for-all you people call a website. count yer lucky stars. |
| it's my birthdaaaaaaay!!!!! gotta work, so i can't stay & chat. but i'll be back later to expound. i love birthdays!!! |
| i wonder sometimes, about people who lived before the turn of the century. (not the 2000's, but the 1900's. idgits.) before hygiene was really up to snuff. people'd spend days, weeks, riding horses, slogging through muddy streets, or fields....not brushing their teeth, or bathing. and i see photos, or tinotypes(?), and they don't look so bad. probably didn't smell that great. but they look alright. and then i wonder, when i sleep late (or feel extra 'alternative'), and i go to work without a shower...why do i sooo look like it? george carlin, bless him, has a bit where he talks about the immune system, and the problem with antibiotics today. he says today's kids are too protected from the environment - from germs, and rusty cans, and dog saliva. when he was a kid, he drank from buckets growing moss on the sides, and ran barefoot everywhere. he got busted up, and these small scrapes made his body develop a hardier immunity to, well, stuff. today, we shelter ourselves from the outdoors, then bulk up on antibiotics when we do get sick, rendering our systems about as protective as a moist tissue. i can see you're wondering where i'm going with all this. my point is, maybe we bathe too much. maybe our bodies would adjust to existing without the deodorizers & spritzes and face lotions, if we allowed it to. our glands would relax, stop over-producing to balance the artifical frou-frou blandishments we keep slathering all over. i have a radical idea. let's all try not bathing for, say, one month. go about your business, splash your face & nether bits with clean water every morning and night, but no lathering up. (unless, of course, you've got a hot date. let's not get too radical too fast, here. poor date.) let's see what happens. |
| i've been noticing a lot of irony lately. |
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