The Book of Masks (Vol. 4)

The Way Forward

Previously: "Some Opinions, Truly Expressed" 

You almost drop the phone. "What did you just say?" you shriek.

"Look, I can't stick around to explain," Will replies. "I'm hiding in the bathroom, and it's gonna start looking weird in a minute. But I'm over at—" His words are muffled by a flurry of knocks. "Just a minute!" he hollers. "I gotta go," he says when he's back on the line. "Do you want me to do this or not?"

Get ... laid? Your throat won't let your form any words, let alone those.

When you don't answer, Will says, "Fine, I'll just keep it friendly. We'll talk about it all later." The line goes dead.

The phone slips from your fingers.

It is incredible. Somewhere in town, a guy who looks like you and answers to your name is about to get laid. Even more incredibly—and not just because there was a freaking body swap involved—it was Kelsey Blankenship, in your body, who was going to get laid.

You clap your hands over your eyes to shut out the image.

Kelsey Blankenship was going to put your penis inside another girl.

You pass a very restless evening and night, waiting and hoping and dreading to hear back from her.

* * * * *

Along about midnight—you're still awake, even though you need to get up early—you send Will a text, begging him to meet you at Salvation Donuts in the morning. He does, getting there a few minutes after you've arrived, and he comes loping into the shop on long, stiff legs. "Hey," he says as he bends himself into the chair opposite you. He can't quite look you in the face.

He's looking pretty good again, in a plaid flannel shirt this time, but still with suspenders and that hat. As he fiddles with a sugar packet, you can't help thinking that if he bulked up a little, put some meat on his forearms, at least, he could really fill out the outfit.

Then you dismiss the troubling thought with a shake of your head.

"So," you say, and you try to keep your voice as neutral as possible. "Can you tell me what was going on yesterday? I didn't catch where you were, or what—"

"I was over at Rachel Bell's house," he says. "You know Rachel. I mean, you don't, but I—"

"Yeah, I know all about her." Well, now you do. Rachel was that girl with Hennepin and Tackett and Mia DeWitt at the cinema last weekend, the tall girl with the big nose. She's smart, way smarter than Kelsey or any of her friends, with an almost creepy talent for stuff in the STEM area.

But Kelsey is still talking, and you refocus your attention on her.

"Eva and Jessica asked me out again, so I went along with them, and we wound up at Rachel's. There were a bunch of people out there." He rattles off a half dozen names, all of which you recognize, but aren't much interested in. "So we were hanging out, listening to music. Started dancing." He hunches in his seat. "They were into me."

And that didn't freak you out? you want to ask. But you're also getting excited, even aroused, as she describes the scene. That could have been me out there, you think. Actually, it was me, and those girls were into me. They were into me, Kelsey says! It sets your heart beating hard.

And the best part of it is, you weren't there to throw up out of nervousness and anxiety.

"So," you ask, still striving to keep your tone neutral and curious, "when I called, you said something about, um—" Will shoots you a sharp, worried glance. "Were you serious? I mean, sometimes I let my imagination run away with me."

He grimaces.

"Well, I dunno if it could've happened," he says, "'cos I didn't try, but Rachel—"

"Wait, it was Rachel who—?"

"Well, the others had their boyfriends there. The girls who have boyfriends. The others were into me, but Rachel was really—" He trails off and hunches deeper, bringing his chin almost level with the tabletop. Your jaw falls open when you realize that Kelsey is nursing an erection.

While you were waiting for him to show up, you bought another one of those awful coffees they have here, and before you can stop yourself you swallow half of it down. "But nothing happened?" you ask after you recover from the taste. "What did happen?"

"Nothing. Just dancing. After you told me you didn't want me to—"

"I didn't tell you not to do anything."

"You didn't want me to, though, right?"

It's not a question you feel like you can answer. "You wouldn't have wanted to do it anyway, would you? Like, not for real. Would you?"

Will sucks in a deep breath, rolls his eyes, and straightens up. He hangs bonelessly in his chair for a long minute, looking at a spot in the ceiling, before replying.

"I don't know what it's like for you," he says slowly. "And to be perfectly honest, I don't like trying to imagine it. But you know I've never had a—" He looks you in the face long enough to mouth the word penis at you. "And it's a little scary and confusing. I mean, I guess you know what it's like, and I can remember what it's like for you. But there's a big difference between remembering it and having it happen in real time." He takes a deep breath, and slowly releases it. "A huge difference."

You settle back in your own chair and let the moment steep. Yes, it's got to be an odd feeling for Kelsey, but you'd be lying to yourself if you said it didn't please you at least a little bit to see her so addled. "I'm sorry I interrupted you and got in the way."

He doesn't answer for a bit, and when he folds his arms it worries you that you've pissed him off. But when he finally speaks, he only sounds worried.

"I know we've talked about how we want to keep things the same," he says. He touches the brim of his hat. "But things are already changing. And are things ever going to go back to normal for us? Or, uh, is this going to be the way it is for us, from now on?"

Now, for almost the first time this morning, he does look you directly in the face, and holds your eye. You feel yourself tensing up, and fold your own arms and cross your legs. "So what are you saying?" you ask.

He tries to shrug, but his voice is very tight when he speaks.

"I'm saying that maybe we should ... do what we want to do? Even if it's a change for us, a change for the person we, uh, now are?" He shifts in his seat. "So if I want to—"

"You're not serious!"

He starts, as though you've kicked him under the table, and his eyes rove over the shop again without settling on you.

"This isn't the way I want things to be," he says. "You know that. And yeah, I'd put things back in an instant if I had a chance to. But I'm not going to ruin whatever I've got now just because I can't have what I used to have."

"Like a chance to get it on with Rachel," you dryly observe.

"I'm not talking about that!" he exclaims. "Can you get your fucking mind out of the—?"

He catches and masters his emotions with a deep breath.

"What I'm saying is, here I am. Here, now, like this. What would you do if it was you who was—" He waves a hand in the air. "What if suddenly something went bang and we— we were back to before?" He glances nervously over his shoulder at the counter, but the fat woman who owns the shop has gone into the back. "What would you do if suddenly you were sitting here? Like this, after the last few days?" He plucks at the front of his shirt.

I'd shit myself stupid, you think, but don't answer. You just fold your arms more tightly across your chest.

"Well, whatever you would do, I think that's what I should do," Will concludes. "We say we want to act normally. So I think I should act like you would, if things were going the way they're going now. Besides," he adds, "what if something does go bang and we were back to normal? Wouldn't you rather be like this, now, here, than the way you were before?"

You don't like the faint sneer that distends his lip, but you'd have to admit that almost anything would be better than where you were before.

"So what do you say?" Will asks.

The words are very heavy, but there are no others for you. "Go ahead." You check your phone. "We need to get school." Will looks doubtful, so you give him a look. "I'm serious, Kelsey. What you said made a lot of sense. I just have to get used to it is all."

* * * * *

It does start to make more sense as you drive to school. Kelsey would be rightly freaked out at being trapped in your body for the rest of her life. But she's always been an ambitious go-getter who runs over all obstacles. Naturally, once she got used to the change, she'd try to turn your shit life into something more successful.

And she's given you permission to do the same thing with her life, at least implicitly.

Not that there's much that needs improvement. You wince as it occurs to you that it's only her love life that needs work.

Next: "A New Leaf" 

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"Table of Contents (Vol. 4)" 
"The Book of Masks (Vol. 4)"