Incursion

Chapter 31: Save

~~ Nineteen hours later.

January 14th, 2021, 0110 hours~~



When Christina opened her eyes again, she immediately knew where she was. The sharp, antiseptic smile, the white ceiling, the blue-green curtains surrounding her from nearly all sides. The hum of medical apparatus nearby.

She’d been here before. How long ago was it now…?

She tried to sit up, but her body felt heavy, her arms feeling stiff. Instead of forcing herself to get up, she looked down toward her feet, past her blanketed legs.

No doubt, this was Haven’s medical suite. She looked to her right and found an IV drip with a line extending to something under her blankets. With her weakened arms, she lifted the covers and found that she was dressed in a blue hospital gown. She lifted the gown to her chest, finding her abdomen wrapped in bandages. So were both her thighs.

She tried her best to recall the events of… however long ago that was now. What happened?

As if on cue, the door on the other side of the room slid open. A tall, Caucasian man in his late twenties, with reddish-brown hair styled to sweep backward messily, came in carrying a few IV bags in his arms. He was wearing a set of white and green camouflage fatigues instead of a lab coat. He took a few steps inside the suite before looking up and finding Christina awake.

He smiled wanly, looking worn out but nonetheless polite and cordial. “You’re finally awake.”

“Sergeant Reid,” she said, sounding hoarse. Her throat felt mercilessly dry.

“Angel. How are you feeling?”

“O-Okay, I guess…”

“Would you like some water?”

Christina placed a hand over her stomach, beneath the blankets. “Would that be wise?”

Reid seemed to catch on immediately. “Oh. Yeah, drinking is fine now. We’ve stitched and patched you up.”

He put down the IV bags on the counter by the sink on the opposite wall. He filled up a paper cup with water from the water dispenser standing beside the sink, then came over and helped Christina sit up against the headboard and passed her the cup.

“Thank you, Sergeant,” Christina said, bowing her head slightly before sipping from the cup and letting the cool water wash her dry throat.

After a second, Christina put the cup down on her lap.

“How long was I out?” she asked the Special Forces soldier.

“Nearly a day,” he replied, then closed his eyes while opening his mouth wide to release a yawn.

“You should probably get some rest, Sergeant,” Christina told him, noting his tired look.

The sergeant smiled back wryly. “I am, believe it or not. Caring for forty civilians isn’t easy, though.”

“Forty—?”

“Oh, that’s right. We’ve brought the civilians we managed to rescue here. Not much space in these two bottom sublevels, so we’re housing them in the vehicle hangar for now. Don’t worry, they’re all fed and have sleeping bags. Beats those conditions at the Stampede, at least.”

A knot in Christina’s chest came undone. But then, she remembered something else.

“Sergeant Reid?”

“Yeah?”

“There were at least twenty more civilians…”

Reid nodded somberly. “I was told. Unfortunately, we were able to secure only forty of them. We never caught the last Osprey.”

Christina felt a pang of disappointment and regret in her upon hearing this. She’d made no verbal promise to the sixty civilians that she’d rescue all of them, but still, it pained her to know that Theo Rhodes had made off with innocents, regardless of how many he managed to take.

She wrapped her fingers more tightly around the paper cup still half full with water. Reid did not say anything for a while, watching the girl seem to stew in thoughts he could not predict.

Christina eased her hold on the cup on her lap, then looked the soldier in the eye again.

“Did… the downtown assault go on?” she asked, trying not to show her frustration in her face.

Reid gave her a slightly confused look. “Afraid not. There wasn’t enough time for us to mobilize after yesterday’s events. Besides, we would have been at less than full strength, after what happened to your team.”

This struck Christina with a heavy, doomed feeling in her gut.

“My t— Why, what happened to them? Are they okay?”

“Whoa there, calm down,” Reid told her, seeming genuinely apologetic for getting the girl who had just woken up all anxious. “Your three teammates are fine. A bit banged and shaken up, but nothing that rest and some treatment can’t help them recover completely from.”

“Really?”

“I checked them over myself. I heard that would normally be your job, seeing as you and I patched the Grim Reaper up, but… you know.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Christina breathed a sigh of relief. When she had witnessed the chopper outside the store get taken down permanently, she wanted to rush outside to help Shadow Team. However, her responsibility to protect the civilians kept her inside, hesitant. Before she could choose to change her priorities, the decision was made for her: the Northstar attacker had approached the store.

Now, her hesitation to help Genel, Josh, and Knight gnawed at her. What if her inaction had actually cost her one of them? Or all of them? All-too familiar guilt crept up on her yet again. No matter what she did, or how well-meaning or logical her decisions, there seemed to be no end to her shame. They had all come to her aid, and yet, she couldn’t do the same for them.

Reid eyed her tentatively for a while, and still concerned that he’d frightened the woman needlessly, he cleared his throat a bit awkwardly.

“You know, they dropped by yesterday afternoon while I was checking on you.”

“They did?”

“That’s right. Well, Archer did. And the big guy, Goliath. Said they just wanted to see you. They were worried, even though I assured them you were stable.”

“I see. Thank you for taking care of me.” Christina paused, suddenly feeling massively sheepish and hesitant. “What about… erm, Knight? Did he come by, too?”

Reid frowned, then shook his head. “No, not that I know of. Only the two others did. But he assisted with your treatment. He helped me keep you alive.”

“He did?” Surprise tinged Christina’s voice. Knight wasn’t the designated medic, but it wasn’t unbelievable to think he would know things about first aid.

“Sure. Insisted on helping me, even when he was injured, himself. Of course, his injuries were nowhere near as grave as yours were.”

“Did he… say anything?”

“About?”

“Well… me.”

“No. He just took instructions from me. That’s it.”

“Oh.” Christina wasn’t sure if she felt relieved or let down. “Okay. Umm. Can I talk to them?”

“They’re in bed right now, I’m afraid,” Reid said, “It’s one AM. But I can certainly tell them to come in the morning.”

“Umm, okay.” The thought of facing Genel after what she’d done to her made Christina’s stomach churn. And…

“I’ll let them know you woke up and to come by in a few hours,” Reid promised with a gentle smile. “I actually just came by to grab some aspirin. A couple of the folks up top need some. You should take it easy in the meantime.”

“…All right.” Christina couldn’t help wondering how her former teammates would react to her recent decisions now that there was time to react accordingly. The anticipation alone made her doubt her ability to ‘take it easy’ until then.

“Well, I guess I’d better get a move on,” Reid said finally, heading toward the medicine cabinet to the side of the sink behind him. He took a couple of white pill bottles, inspected them briefly, then made his way to the door. Before he left, he reassured her that he would inform Shadow Team of her improved condition as soon as they were up.

When he had gone, Christina was left at the mercy of the most formidable of her enemies: her anxious thoughts.





~~ 0742 hours ~~



Christina lifted her head from the blueberry muffin and buttered toast she was halfway through finishing when she heard muffled, but raised, voices outside the door of the medical suite. She couldn’t make out the words being said, but it sounded like an argument being had between one or two men and a woman.

A concerned frown spread across her lips, accompanied by that anxiety that had plagued her all morning, which had momentarily subsided when Sergeant Ethan Reid came in not half an hour ago to give her a plate of food. She put down her half-eaten breakfast beside her.

The raised voices abruptly ceased, and three seconds later, the door slid open to admit two people. The first was short, about Christina’s height, with a clean bandage wrapped around her forehead like some kind of gimmicky bandana. Her black, waist-length hair looked comically unkempt as if the owner had just rolled out of bed five minutes ago. The second person was the opposite of the first: large and hulking, walking in with one leg dragging a bit behind the other. His pale face was covered in small cuts and a few bruises.

When Christina’s eyes met theirs, she wasn’t sure what to say. Fortunately for her, the pair took care of the introductory bits themselves.

“Hey, Chrissy,” Genel chirped, then increased her walk speed so abruptly that Christina nearly flinched when Shadow’s tech specialist plopped down on the edge of her bed, settling down by Christina’s left hand.

“H-hi,” Christina said timidly.

“How are you doing?”

“Umm. Fine. Been better, but… What about you?”

Genel noticed that the other woman’s eyes had perched atop her forehead. “Ah, this? Just a gash. From the exploding chopper. I’m okay. Knocked me out a while, but otherwise, I’m still good. As you can see.”

“Yeah, I noticed that, but—”

“But what?” Genel raised her eyebrows such that they nearly reached her bandages.

Christina bowed her head a little.

“Well… I’m just… I’m sorry, Genel.”

Genel stared at Christina as though she were unsure how to react to that, then gave a rueful chuckle. She reached over and patted the back of the apologetic woman’s hand.

“I can’t say I liked getting taken down like that, but let’s just be glad we’re all okay, yeah?”

“Eh?” Christina’s head snapped up in surprise and confusion.

“Yeah. Just… it’s not my job to give you shit. Let’s put it that way.”

“Eh?”

Genel glanced toward the other visitor, who shuffled and limped over to the other side of the bed. He gave Christina a good-natured smile.

“Yo.” Josh gently punched Christina on the shoulder. “Glad to have you back with us. Well, not at one hundred percent, obviously, but I mean, alive.”

“Josh,” Christina uttered his name, then hurriedly bowed her head toward him, too. “I’m sorry.”

“Huh? Whatever for?” Josh sounded genuinely lost.

“For… you know.”

“Ahh… well, I’m not gonna say you made a smart decision. Nope. But hey, neither did we, going after you.”

“I know. I just… I had to. But I’m still sorry.”

“Come on now, let’s not make this awkward,” Josh said, sounding sheepish now. “Not like you choked me out and tied me up. Heh. That… That was a joke. My bad.”

He chuckled a bit, prompting a small one from Christina, too. Emboldened slightly by the tension breaker, Christina glanced between the two.

“Were you guys yelling about something just now?” she asked them.

The two of them shot each other quick glances.

“You heard that?” Josh said, shaking his head with an air of exaggerated bemusement.

Christina shook her head back at him. “No, I couldn’t hear what was going on. Just that there was some commotion outside.”

Genel nodded. “I guess… there was some arguing, yeah.”

“About?”

“See… we were all supposed to come see you together, but—” Genel began tentatively, glancing at Josh again.

Christina followed Genel’s gaze, giving Josh a quizzical look. The weapons expert sighed in response.

“Someone said he didn’t want anyone else around when he spoke to you. Needed a few more minutes to organize his thoughts, I’d wager,” he finished for Genel, shrugging.

“Spoke to me?” Christina echoed, feeling foolish for uttering the words. Of course, she knew who the two were referring to.

Genel nodded again. “Yeah. Josh and I are actually gonna get out of your hair now. We just wanted to see for ourselves that you were all right.”

“Oh.” Christina swallowed, that nervousness and apprehension mounting again. “Okay, then. Th-Thanks. For coming by.”

“No worries.” Josh grinned at her. “We’ll be back later if you like.”

“S-sure. If you want. Yeah.”

Genel rose to her feet. “Okay, we’re off. There’s someone else who really needs to talk to you.”

Christina furled and unfurled her fingers on her lap. “Umm. Ahem. Yeah. Sure. Thanks, Genel. And thanks, Josh.”

The two Shadows nodded at Christina, then filed out of the room without saying anything further. The second the door slid shut behind Josh and Genel, Christina’s heart began to race faster. She tried to calm it down by taking a few deep breaths.

Five seconds later, the door opened again, and a different person walked in. Despite her nerves, Christina found it in her to meet his eyes, more out of accident than anything else.

It was just like the time the two of them met awkwardly in the showers, which felt like a lifetime ago now to Christina that it might as well have been some other girl who shared the same memory. Knight’s expressions were sometimes difficult to decipher. Even if he usually looked intense and a tiny bit pissed by default, Christina was able to remind herself this time that this man wasn’t quite the cold, emotionless robot she’d initially imagined him to be.

Still, she thought, after what she’d done…

What she’d done. She felt a momentary urge to laugh bitterly. Her offences against him kept piling up, even now. She was surprised she wasn’t crushed yet by her shame of all of them.

Knight stood in place across the room, staring at Christina quietly. Christina braved to speak the first word.

“Hi.”

Knight’s eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly at her. His slight frown didn’t help soothe Christina. He had never smiled since she’d known him, but this was still tense and uncomfortable, having to look at him just drilling his eyes into her. She idly counted the number of cuts on his face just to seem busy.

Without a word, Knight leisurely – also with a slight limp – walked over to the foot of Christina’s bed. When he stopped, he stared without a word for a few more seconds, then finally opened his mouth.

“You attacked Genel.”

Those three words alone made Christina’s heart shoot up her neck.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled like a chastised child.

“You forced our hand, jeopardizing the mission we had here in the city,” Knight continued, seeming to read out a list of crimes from a ledger he’d memorized before coming here. “Because of you, the US Army will be on high alert, and attacking them with the intent to root them out will be harder now. Because of you, Josh and Genel nearly got killed. All because they didn’t want to leave you to the wolves.”

She’d never have forced the team to help her if everyone else wanted nothing to do with her, but Christina kept her opinions to herself. She could sense that Knight was simmering beneath that veneer of calmness. She felt it in his gaze.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. What else was there to say?

Knight’s brows came together slightly, and his frown deepened.

“I… I had no choice. I had to save those civilians. Someone had to do it, and—”

“By yourself?” the Shadow leader interrupted, his voice working up a hard edge. “Against an army? You’re a fool. You could have been killed. Then who would be better off?”

“I get that,” Christina protested, “but I had to try. I couldn’t leave them behind!”

Knight glared at her as if she were a puzzle to him. Christina took this opportunity to try gaining more ground in this conversation.

“It’s our job as C.O.S. agents to protect Canadian citizens, isn’t it?”

The team leader shook his head minutely. “That’s not my point. If all agents were as stupidly dedicated to the cause as you, we’d be disbanded. Defunct. Dead.”

Christina backed down upon hearing Knight call her stupid. She wanted to answer back, but she found herself slipping. Losing what little momentum she had here, if she even had any.

“What’s your problem, Valentine?” Knight’s face slowly contorted into something like exasperation and frustration. He seemed to be slowly letting the facade fall. “You want to be a hero or something? Do you get off to that?”

“No, I—”

“Want a statue built in your honour when you go?”

“No, I don’t. I just—”

“Of course not. That can’t be it. We don’t exist. We’re clandestine. When things go right, we don’t get medals or trophies. We’re not decorated soldiers.”

“I know that,” Christina said, feeling like she should shout to be heard over his rising voice.

“Then enlighten me, because I don’t have any other guesses as to what’s going on in that head of yours.”

Christina braved to maintain her eye contact with him.

“I just have to help everyone. That’s all I… all I can do now.”

“What do you mean?”

“You… You know. You of all people know. I’ve killed lots of people, Knight. Even kids. I—”

Something within Christina frayed, now down to its final fibre.

“God, don’t you get it?” Her voice rose without her meaning it to. “I don’t know what else to do! Every day, I wake up hating myself for what I’ve done. There isn’t a single day I don’t wish I could trade places with any one of those victims I killed that night!”

Knight did not respond to that. He merely watched her, not moving a muscle, even as the woman began raising her voice to shouting levels. Christina knew she sounded pathetic, howling all her emotions out to him like this, but frankly, she was tired of having to keep it all in.

“My brother wanted to stop it,” she went on, her dam not cracking so much as it was exploding at this point. “Mikey wanted to stop the bombing, but I didn’t help him. We had a chance, and I left him to do it himself because I was scared we’d be found out! Well, he did get caught trying, and when it came down to it, I let him die. Me! I could have died with him, but he insisted it was all his idea to spare me! And you know what, you know who shot him? You know who shot him all because she didn’t want to be branded a traitor and killed too? I did! I DID IT!”

Christina felt maddened with the weight of her sins. It simultaneously stung and soothed her to say all this aloud. She couldn’t hold any of it a secret anymore. If there was any justice in the world, she wanted it to finally pass judgment on her. It was what she deserved. She’d hidden and deceived for too long now.

“After that, I just stood by and let even more people die. I chose to kill dozens, all because I was too scared to speak up and say all that was wrong! I didn’t want to die… I’m a coward, Knight!

“So, I tried. Believe me, I tried! I left Northstar. I found this. The C.O.S. I thought if I could help save people, if I could save lives, I could make up for the ones I snuffed out four years ago. I threw my life into helping others. That was all someone like me could do! That was all I could think to do!”

Christina had to pause to take a breath. She panted raggedly, her shoulders heaving as if she’d run for an hour without stopping. She hung her head.

Nothing. There was nothing left to hide. She reached inside her for anything damning left to expose about her, almost disappointed that there wasn’t more. Surely, someone like her had something else to confess…

“I just wanted to make it right,” she said more quietly now, her gaze now on her lap. “So I did this. I can’t… live with myself. Not unless I’m out there, saving others. But no matter what I do, I can’t stop… just… despising what I see when I look in the mirror. A monster like me shouldn’t exist.”

She unclenched her hands. Lifted her gaze to find Knight’s ready to meet hers. He remained static, cold, silent.

“Hey… Knight?”

The Shadow leader blinked, but otherwise stayed where he was.

Christina’s bottom lip trembled in fear, but she bit down hard on it, enough to draw blood.

“Will you… kill me?”

The man’s eyes widened very slightly. His lip twitched.

“That’s why you saved me, right?” Christina smiled sadly at him. “Because you wanted to kill me yourself. For taking someone special away from you. This is… probably why you joined the C.O.S., right? To find the ones who murdered your friend?”

Knight offered no reply, but that was all right to Christina. She didn’t need an answer. Even if he kept it to himself, she knew in her heart that she was right. She knew in her heart, as much as it hurt to admit, that Knight hated her for what she’d done to him.

“Then,” she continued meekly, keeping her eyes on him, “go ahead. I… I don’t know how else I can be punished. I thought of killing myself before, but that wouldn’t be right. I’d just be running away from owning up to my responsibilities. I don’t want to run away anymore. I don’t want to be a coward.”

She took a shaky breath. She hated herself, even now, for merely trembling at the thought of dying when she deserved nothing less. Even now, confronted by a man who had every right to kill her, she still felt that despicable urge to preserve her wretched life – one that should have ended nearly four years ago. She’d been living on borrowed time, the curse of her actions hanging over like some twisted, dark cloud.

Her wary eyes watched Knight. She waited for him to move. For a moment, he merely stood there like a statue again. Then, as if the prayer in Christina’s heart had been heard, he finally spoke.

“All right.”

Christina’s arms and legs shook, but she rooted herself in place. Not that she could escape even if she wanted, given her condition. There would be no more running. No more bargaining. Enough was enough.

Knight approached the left side of her bed, raised his hand to face level, then reached out for Christina. He lowered his hand to her until it was level with her neck.

Christina closed her eyes, accepting her fate even as her brain still continued to plead for her to make excuses and rethink this decision. When she felt Knight’s cold fingertips brush the sides of her neck, she steeled herself, taking the last couple of breaths she would ever need.

A second passed. Two. When she felt the man’s fingertips leave her skin, she wondered if he’d changed his mind about asphyxiating her to death. Perhaps he was going for a gun, like last time. Or maybe a knife to the throat, or—

She snapped out of her thoughts of finality when she felt something chop at the top of her head. It was hard, forceful, and it hurt, but…

It wasn’t a knife. She felt no break in her scalp, or blood running down her head. Just the sharp but non-fatal pain of being struck by something blunt.

She also couldn’t help herself.

“OWWWWW!”

Her hands flew to her head on instinct, half expecting a second blow. She opened her eyes and found Knight shaking his left wrist loosely as if he’d banged it against something hard by mistake.

“Hmph,” he grunted, narrowing his eyes at Christina’s stupid expression. “A woman who gets hurt by a tap like that wants me to kill her? Don’t make me laugh.”

Christina shrank in the bed, still clutching her head. “I’m sor—”

“And that!”

She flinched when Knight suddenly cut across her in a louder, angrier voice.

“Stop saying ‘sorry’. I hate it when you keep saying that like it’s all you can give. I don’t want your goddamn apologies.”

Christina continued to tremble, only this time, it wasn’t because of the thought of dying. This time, she was trembled simply because of how vexed Knight was starting to be.

“People like you, I hate the most,” he continued, glaring daggers at her. “You know what you are?”

“Someone who… killed your friend?” the girl said tentatively, still bracing her hands on top of her head.

“You choose to forsake your life and your happiness over some silly ideals!” Knight answered, baring his teeth now. “You’ll ignore everything, everyone else in your life who appreciates you, for some ‘greater good’ belief, like you’re some freaking machine!”

Christina lowered her hands slightly, even as Knight only seemed to grow more agitated. Apart from when he first confronted her about that Northstar personnel file of hers, she had never quite seen him this openly furious.

“No one asked you to act this way!” he said, still not backing down. “You were so caught up in what you think people would expect of you, what you deserved… but did you ever stop to ask those people what they think of it? Did you?”

Christina wondered if she should respond, even as she was still wondering what even to say. But Knight didn’t give her any time to answer.

“You’re even worse than a person with ideals. Because you don’t even really believe in yours, do you? You just thought that’s what people would want you to do.”

“I… I’m sor—” Christina mumbled again, sure that she should say something but not knowing yet what.

“I told you, stop saying that, idiot!”

“I…” she said, feeling trapped and helpless in this conversation. “I’m—”

“Just be quiet for a second. Let me think.”

“…okay.”

Knight sat down on the bed suddenly, not even a metre away from where Christina sat, watching him with a mixture of trepidation and reluctant wonder. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and dipped his head a bit, closing his eyes as if he was thinking hard about how to say something complex without confusing the listener. As he seemed to calm down considerably, Christina dwelled upon Knight’s words to her so far.

Was he right? True, Christina hadn’t asked any other person what punishment would befit a crime such as hers. She’d merely thought that helping and saving others would be what people would sentence her to doing the rest of her life.

And that part about her ignoring the people who appreciated her. She had brooded on this sin of hers, her way of atoning, so much that she’d never expected since then that anyone could feel that way about her. She expected no one to forgive her. How could anyone appreciate a killer of innocents?

“Christina.”

Knight’s abrupt address of her in her first name made her straighten her back like she was just yelled at by the drill instructor.

“Yes?” she blurted hastily.

“Your brother. Tell me about him.”

“Umm… what about him?”

Knight glanced at her, his arms still crossed. He was much calmer now, but Christina still saw the relentless intensity in his dark eyes.

“Was he a good person?”

“…Yes. He was.”

“Do you love him?”

“Of… Of course. Of course I do.”

He shook his head at her. “No, you don’t.”

“Huh?”

“You don’t love your brother.”

Christina felt a flash of indignation rise in her at this accusation. “You can’t say that. You never met Mikey. Of course I love my brother!”

“He chose to die, didn’t he? So your life could be spared?”

“Yes,” Christina said slowly, wondering where he was taking this.

“That’s how I know,” Knight said promptly. “He sacrificed himself so you could live. Yet, what are you doing with the life he gave you? Throwing your happiness away, just so you can fulfill expectations no one put on you. You think he died just so you could wallow in your own misery?”

Christina couldn’t say anything to that. She had admittedly never seen her actions and choices this way, that perhaps what she was doing was a waste of the sacrifice of her older brother. But now…

“Christina,” Knight said again.

“Yes…?” She gazed at him tentatively. It was strange, talking about Michael this way. She hadn’t spoken about him in years, and to be spoken to and about her late sibling… Something in the way Knight spoke reminded her of him.

“Helping others is fine,” the man sitting next to her on the bed said. “Saving others is fine. You want to dedicate your life in service to other people, go ahead. Knock yourself out. But you’d better do it for yourself, and not for anyone else. Do it because you enjoy it, because you believe in it from the bottom of your heart. Not because you think that’s what others think you ought to be doing.”

Christina’s fears withered away. She hung on to every word coming from this man who – mere minutes ago – was about to kill her. All this time, she asked herself: Was he right? And…

Was this okay?

“One more thing,” Knight continued.

Christina inclined her head slightly to show him she was still listening.

“A while back, you said to me you’d do anything to make up for the bombing, correct?”

Christina nodded wholeheartedly. “Yes. Of course.”

“You’ll do anything to make it up to me, is that right?”

“That’s right.”

Knight looked straight ahead of him, away from Christina. He pondered silently for a few more seconds, then glanced back at her as if he’d made up his mind.

“I want you to remember what I’m going to say, Christina,” he told her. “If you’re not sure you can, write it down on paper and carry it with you wherever you go. I want you to remember.”

“Umm… okay,” she mumbled. If he came out with a joke at this point, she’d remember it all her life if that was what it took to make things up to him.

“First, I want you to know that I haven’t the slightest intention of pitying you for your past. Everyone has regrets. But… I understand that what you went through couldn’t just be called simple ‘regret’. I’m not going to waste time saying things like, ‘forget about it’ or ‘don’t worry’ just to make you feel better. To say those things would be insulting to you and me. Besides, they would be useless. Do you understand?”

“I do,” Christina replied with a sombre nod.

“I can’t help you carry the burden of what you’ve done. Neither do I want to. Your sins are yours alone to bear. Got it?”

“Yeah. Got it.”

“One last time,” Knight said, taking a deep breath. “Do you promise to carry out your punishment, to make up for taking Miyaku’s life?”

Christina paused. She couldn’t help squeezing her hands into tight fists. She couldn’t help wondering why she was still alive if this man in front of her was indeed after those who killed his friend. Why was she being lectured and berated instead? Did she not deserve far worse?

Regardless of the answers, if she were to atone for the wrong she’d done, she would accede to Knight’s conditions. She owed him that much.

“I will,” she replied eventually, her eyes searching his for the hints as to what she would need to do for him. “I promise.”

Knight lowered his hands to his knees. “Then I accept! From now on, for the rest of your life, live for my sake. Carry your sins with you. Remember them, but don’t succumb to them, either. That will be your punishment.”

“Live… for your—?”

“Yes. You took a life that was precious to me. Now, I’ll take yours.”

“What… do you mean?”

“You owe me, don’t you? Then, from now on, I own you. You will serve me like I’m a king. You’re not to throw your life away. Not until your debt is paid. Got it? No more running away.”

Christina shook her head, barely aware of herself at this point. “I… I don’t get—”

Knight took another steadying breath. “Stay with us. Genel and Josh like you, despite your insane tendencies.”

Christina stared wordlessly at him. This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t be. For someone like her, this was far too good to be true. This was wrong. It was kindness she didn’t deserve.

“But… but I can’t do that. Not after what I did to you… Genel…” she protested, still hesitant to trust this all as real.

Knight nodded, clearly anticipating this. “Christina Valentine died when she pulled that trigger on her brother four years ago. But that isn’t who you are. Not anymore. From now on, you’re your own person. You will not make the same mistakes she did. Do you understand me?”

“Knight…” Christina murmured. Something was beginning to brew in her chest and her throat, causing her voice to tremble and break.

“Stay with me, Christina.”

That last order from him didn’t make the impending sense of something rising in her chest any less intense. Christina’s breath caught almost painfully in her throat.

“Is it—”

Was this right? Was this okay? Did she…

“—okay for me—”

Was she allowed this?

“—to stay by your side?” she asked Knight. In all her life, Christina had never been this terrified to ask a question before. Yet she braved to let the words fly, if only because not releasing them terrified her even more.

Knight gave her a firm nod. “If you run out on me again, I will drag you back and kick your ass. I don’t care how tiny you are compared to me. A servant’s life should be dedicated to their owner.”

For several seconds, the two sat quietly, just looking straight at each other. Then, one of them broke.

Warm tears gathered in Christina’s eyes. For a moment, she barely noticed them, even. She couldn’t understand what they were for, either. For the longest time, tears had shown only in response to her sorrows, her crushing guilt and her bitter regrets. Why, then, was she welling up when what she was feeling was the furthest thing from sadness?

Her chest hurt, yet she knew it wasn’t from the same burdens that had tormented her all these years. She finally bowed her head, bringing up her hands to her face to wipe the tears that would not stop coming. She held back enough to keep from weeping too hard. She hid her face behind her hands, ashamed of how rapidly she had fallen apart in front of someone else.

What she didn’t expect was for the man sitting with her on the bed to take her and pull her against him. The moment her forehead touched his chest, all semblance of control abandoned her.

Christina Valentine released all her tears onto Knight. She sobbed and bawled into him with no regard for how immature or embarrassing she must have sounded to him. She screamed her weary soul into his chest, hoping against hope that he would, just for the moment, understand her need. She clutched desperately onto his clothes, determined for this moment to stay as long as she needed it to. Part of her feared that if she didn’t hold him tightly enough, this would all turn into just another wishful dream.

So she pressed herself even harder against the lifelike warmth of him until, eventually, she allowed herself to trust that this was real. That he was real.

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I reluctantly placed my chin on top of the sobbing woman’s hair. She certainly seemed to have abandoned all pretense of dignity, or pride, or composure at this point. Her fingers clawed at my shirt, at times hurting me a little, but I ignored that. She pushed against me as if she was terrified of letting go.

I hoped I had said everything I needed to. Everything I could. For now, I let her cry. I let her raw sobs and her hoarse bawls reach me with no interruptions. I didn’t care if it lasted five minutes, or five hours. I would bear it for as long as she needed me to.

There is only one way to save Christina Valentine, and that is to accept her. If I accept her, even with all her faults… even when I know all her sins, I hope that the day will come when she will realize that the only one who can truly forgive her is herself.

Even if this doesn’t bring Miyaku back. Even if the pain doesn’t subside, even a little.

There was no need for both of us to suffer.

So, until the day comes when she learns to forgive herself… until the day when she learns to like herself, I will be the punishment she desires. I will stay by her side.

I’ll forgive Christina as best as I can, even if the world will not. I’ll do it, or try my damnedest, no matter how hard that might be.

If that means I can save someone, I will do it.