Indelible

(Bleep) pity party. It's a goddamn pity parade!

[originally posted in "Fuck pity party. It's a goddamn pity parade!" ]

Let me just start with asshole goddamn shittin' motherf*****s from Bangkok on Pekar Street with a spiked Pyrex dildo crammed sideways up their crap-filled motherf***ing asses! Okay, I feel marginally better now.

In all seriousness, though, it all got started with "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor . I thought that the piece raised a valid concerned but was presented in a totally biased manner. So, I told Annalynne as such:

Greetings! I just happened to stumble upon this piece late one night, and I found myself unsure what to think. While you bring up a very valid point, I found myself a bit leery of the way you presented this piece. In regards to feedback, this is very unbalanced, unless on the off chance everyone agreed with you. Did anybody challenge what you had to say? If so, what was his/her reasoning? I was hoping for a more diverse sampling of arguments in regards to this issue.

Myself, if I'm made aware that someone has a learning disability or anything of the sort, I simply read the piece because of the way I review. I'm extremely thorough, which most people appreciate. However, any kind of forewarning makes me wonder if the person really wants thorough feedback or just needs a pick-me-up. Then again, past experience could have tempered me from the beginning. I've been diagnosed with ADD and depression but have been able to survive the waves of harsh feedback and low ratings. Thus, perhaps I feel that ADD and other such disabilities are no excuse. Maybe the person who sent the newbie those ratings felt that way, and for all we know, (s)he may be an extremely strict follower of the rating system as The StoryMistress has detailed it. Perhaps what we should encourage is for the newbies to talk about the feedback they receive (without using names, of course) and help them to emotionally process the different types of feedback.

Although the article raises a legitimate concern, the one-sided presentation has me wondering if this article is genuinely meant to make us rethink our rating/reviewing habits. All I know is it made me rewrite my bioblock to subtlely state that I can take any criticism thrown my way, as opposed to some members around here.

This spurs an exchange of e-mails between her and me. Her letters:

Please take the time to read this member's items and judge for yourself.

Sammy (1)

Sincerely,
Annalynne

P.S. Some members have refused to have their reviews quoted.

I will be perfectly honest with you.

I have had 209 views and 32 reviews. 29 were positive and 3 negative
(including yours)

One reviewer (of the three) reviewed me publicly and told me that members
should not be patronized. Then she emailed me privately and said she agreed
with what I had said after, I believe, realizing that the member is mentally
challenged.

May I quote your review - to make things fair?

Do you wish to visit the member's port before I enter your review?

I want to be fair to you. If you read this young lady's items, you will see
that she obviously has a mental disability.

There are many members, moderators included, at this site (some of whom I know
personally) who have children who are autistic, mentally challenged, etc. I
don't think they will agree that such individuals should be reviewed in the
same manner as 'intelligent' 'normal' members.

I think you should read her items first, and then make your decision. Please
let me know.


No, I won't get angry emails if I quote your review - you will, not me.

You will be the one who has to decide. Just say yes and I will quote your
review in its entirety, like the others.
I don't want to be accused of not putting negative reviews. I just wanted you
to know that only you and one other member sent me negative reviews.

The reason why Samantha got these ratings was because she had written an item
called 'I suck'. In it she said that she was leaving this website. She has
subsequently deleted it.

I had actually paid for one year's membership for her because I wanted her to
know that some people do care.

I can't agree with you that she should be rated like others because, not only
does she have a speech problem, she also has a learning disability. All her
life she has been ridiculed and I think she just wants to be accepted in this
cold world. You say that you have had problems too, but that is nothing
compared to what she has been through.

Anyway, it's up to you. Just remember, I will be quoting the entire review.
Please let me know.


I cannot prevent you from linking my item but in all honestly I cannot agree
with this. You have your views and I have mine. I have done volunteer work
with children for fourteen years and I have seen many with special needs suffer
at the hands of other children.

There was a six year old who was premature at birth and even at the age of six
he still pooped in his pants. Because of this, the children laughed at him and
no-one wanted him to take part in their annual Christmas concert.
I was mad, and I insisted that the owners of the daycare allow him to
participate. Know something? While some of the other children froze from
fright on the stage, Christopher danced and strummed his guitar. I have always
fought for children and always will.

When I wrote my article 'A donkey's rear end' I was very angry because I hate
to see 'retarded' children suffer for something over which they have no
control.

Whereas I may not want to link my item to yours, I would still like to get to
know you better, and I hope we can be friends.

My responses:

Greetings. Yes, you may go ahead and quote me. I was hesitant to make my review
public due to revealing personal information, but in the sake of fairness, I
will allow you to quote from my review.


Until I can get some ethical advice to keep me from getting demoted, you can
hold off on quoting me. However, I did go through her port and felt that some
of the low ratings may have been justified, disability or no. I was in special
education during my childhood, and I have personally known several people with
speech impediments throughout my life. Still, they have managed to overcome
their impediments and shifted focus to lead productive lives. I do not feel
this young lady should be treated any differently. As of my visits today, I
noticed that many of her ratings had increased from the one stars mentioned in
your piece. These fluctuations make me wonder if they're pity rates, which are
bad enough. Receiving them after a string of one star ratings is even worse. I
had such an experience as a newbie, but I've managed to pull through.

However, if you strongly do not feel comfortable with quoting me in your piece,
I do offer another option. I can write a rebuttal to your piece and link from my
piece. In that rebuttal, I can elaborate on my position and receive comments
directly instead of opening the door for you to receive angry e-mails that
ought to be sent to me. I'm open to publically state my views either, and I
leave it up to you how I should go about that.


I've come up with a better way to handle this. I'm currently working on a piece
stating my reviewing practices. I think it'd be best if I state my opinions on
the subject of your article in my reviewing piece, as it is an issue I can
discuss in regards to how I construct my reviews. Would it be okay if I linked
to your article in my piece? It'll be some time before it's finished (as I'll
be moving in the next few days), but it should be done by September. Let me
know if this would work out best for you.

Ugh! After the way she treated me like a goddamn child even though I made it clear that she could quote me (and at my own volition to boot), I'm not sure if I'm going to let her get to know me better. Does she not give a shit that I grew up around kids with handicaps? Is she unaware that ♥Marvelous Melia♥ has cerebral palsy and yet has done some truly amazing things? She only has one hand she can use but can type, crochet, tie her shoes and a lot of other things. She has some mobility difficulties, but she learned how to walk and has even had three kids all on her own. Hell, I had no idea she had cerebral palsy until I met her. The things one can do in spite of handicaps! See to me, more people with handicaps should keep people like Melia in mind instead of being the subject of pieces like "Donkey". Hell, Annalynne bestowed an awardicon upon the item in which Sammy states she has a learning disability. I visited Sammy's port, and that piece is the only place where she states she has a speech impediment. I'm not saying mock her speech impediment; hell no! What I'm saying is don't give her pity rates to counter those 1 s, gift her a membership and bestow an awardicon for that reason. I know people with speech impediments, but they lead normal, productive lives. Hell, James Earl Jones, one of the most recognized voices in the world, had a stuttering problem. None of these people overcame their problems with free handouts like Annalynne has bestowed. No. They overcame it with tough love and mentors that directly addressed their problems to find solutions. Out of all the reviews I've seen on this piece, only two address this concept: terryjroo and esprit . Needless to say, I rewarded those two very generously for their reviews. Balanced reviews for an unbalanced piece. Thank you, ladies. Thank you.

So I think the whole point is this piece reeks of "handicap coddling" propaganda, and I think that's bullshit! As Terry pointed out, not everyone wants to be judged by their handicap. Annalynne may work with handicapped children, but has she known the thoughts of one? I doubt it. Most people with handicaps seek to be regarded no differently than anyone else, and with hard work and perseverance, they admirably achieve that goal. Some gifts are appreciated, but if there are too many at once from the same person, a handicapped person may feel like (s)he is being treated differently and-surprise!-may not like it. Think, Annalynne, think. Maybe your over generosity is not what Sammy wants.