Indelible

Role models, inspiration & other crap I don't like

[originally posted in "Role models, inspiration & other crap I don't like" ]

"I don't like to copy anybody. Everybody tries to do what I do, update it. I don't have any idols I copied after." ~Bo Diddley

When I took philosophy four years ago, one of the things we discussed was Aristotle's concept of role models and their purpose of showing what people should do to uphold orderly conduct. Being one to travel off the beaten path and do anything to resist emulation, I postulated that some people learn how to behave properly by learning what not to do, reverse role models, if you will. Sorry, Mom, but you're my reverse role model. I learned not to invest my faith in psychotropics to be the sole salvation of my mental health. I also learned how to prioritize my spending (a lesson that's still being learned). In any case, I think Aristotle's "monkey see, monkey do" theory holds water, but every once in a while, someone comes along who is brave enough to swim against the tide. It is these people who grow up in doubt of the power of role models, idols and other (pseudo) personified forms of inspiration.

I admit I've been reluctant to draw inspiration from a person. I think growing up with a lot of popular musicians making their own versions of previously written/recorded songs has something to do with it. I also think it stems from not being satisfied with the generational culture of the millenials (which, simply put, sucks ass). Anyway, my point is, my generation grew up with the message that it's okay to copy others. This general message sparked several major consequences, almost all of them bad. One of them is the spike in plagiarism, but that's for another day. I can tell you that I wrote every single word of every paper I've ever written. All that aside, the consequence I wish to talk about is idolization, and I'm not just talking about American Idiot, er, Idol. Whatever.

The idea of role models/idolization is hardly new. However, it seems like current times have taken it to the extreme. It has almost turned into a contest of who has the better idols. Who are you copying? Albert Camus. Yourself? Langston Hughes. I have issues with that. One thing that kind of grated was when Jim Hall (one of my creative writing instructors) suggested I find an author and try to emulate his/her technique. Granted, I got an A- in the class after starting out from a B. However, that bit of advice clashed with my belief of forging my own path based on my own experience, finding what technique worked best for me. On top of that, one of the things I was praised for in my K-12 years was originality. Who else would compare the Constitutional Convention to a movie set, with John Locke serving as one of the "screenwriters"? With creativity being my forte, I grew up not wanting to copy people because I believed I could do better with more raw materials, if you will. So what's my emulation/idolization complex have to do with anything?

It fucked with how I perceive inspiration. I have pretty much always viewed inspiration in the same light as emulation. Only in recent years have I started to learn the difference, and I've been as stubborn as a spoiled toddler when it comes to learning this lesson. Simply put, I don't want to learn it. I hate admitting to it, and I can't stand the overwhelming shame I feel when I admit someone else's actions prompted me to do X activity or consider Y concept. When you look at my history of self-motivation...you can see why I have all these damn issues about inspiration/idolization/role models/need I go on? In any case, there are a few men that have inspired me, but I'll save that for another entry. For now, I'm more concerned about coming to terms with this whole inspiration thing. I know I'm not an inspiring person, and being inspired is a feeling I shunned most of my life. It's like starting all over emotionally, and without a way to articulate it in a way that makes sense, it hurts. A lot. And I know no one will believe me when I say it hurts like a [mother].