Complex Numbers

Cleaning Up

So. Many. Possibilities.

PROMPT May 18th

What chore do you most dislike doing? Tell us a creative story about how you might get out of doing it.

I hate having to repeat chores. They me feel like I'm stuck in the Groundhog Day movie.

On a computer, I can usually get around this. I can write, or find, a script or program or Excel spreadsheet to automate most of the tasks. I would rather spend, say, 100 hours automating something than repeating it for 10 hours. That's how much I hate repetitive actions. At least whenever I write the program, I'm always learning something. The task itself? Not so much. I'm not someone who can turn his brain off, or who enjoys mindless activities.

Sure, I can play Skyrim dozens of times, but each time, I approach it in a different way with a different character skillset, and I'm still discovering new things about that game. With chores? All I discover is how much I'd rather be playing video games. Though, true, I have a lousy memory and I do a thorough purge of the house about once a decade, during which time I make all kinds of cool archaeological discoveries.

Naturally, some things just have to be done. Even if I didn't essentially live alone, they have to be done, and I can't expect whoever I'm living with to do all of them. Washing dishes, laundry, cooking, general cleaning, yard work, trash disposal, catbox maintenance, whatever. The worst of these being, I suppose, housecleaning.

I find ways to limit the amount of time I spend on these tasks. I have a dishwasher, washer/dryer, microwave, and so on. I arrange things so I spend the least possible amount of time doing hated chores. I also hire a lawn service and a housecleaning service.

For some reason, it's somewhat socially acceptable to hire a lawn service. They come by, ride around on a mower, and then I pay them. But people freak out about the maid service thing. "You're home all the time. Can't you just clean your own house?"

Can I? Sure. Do I want to? No. Keeping up with stocking all of the cleaning supplies is, by itself, enough to make me meshuggah, let alone having to actually do the work. It's a colossal waste of time and energy for me, and they need the money, so it's a mutually beneficial arrangement.

I'm not a complete pig; I don't leave stuff lying around with food on it, and I absolutely keep up with trash/recycling. But if I could pay someone to do that, too? I'd do it. Sadly, it's unfashionable to keep a full-time servant around like in the old days. That wouldn't stop me, though, if I could afford it.

What I really want is a robot that can take care of all of these things for me. A Roomba just isn't sufficient; I need one with an advanced AI that can, for example, sense when the stove has a spill on it and wipe that shit right up. Like on The Jetsons, only with less attitude. With my luck, though, the robot would end up resenting my lazy ass and go on strike for higher wages and better working conditions, probably right about the same time the sexbot leaves me for a delivery drone.