30 Day Blogging Detritus, March Edition

day 20- slack jawed

Share a time when your mouth hung open in shock/awe/surprise/wonder etc. What was it that made you feel that way?


There are so many times I've been blindsided by life, it's hard to pick just one.

When I was a kid, the shock of finding out my father was not, in fact, dead like the rest of my family would have me believe was pretty shocking. I think I was about 10. He wanted nothing to do with me anyway, so it's not like I'd been deprived of some loving relationship that would've completed me as a person, but it was quite a surprise. The details of his life and who he was were kind of shocking too (according to my grandmother) but that's a long story.

I was shocked when I found out a boy was cheating on me for the first time. That one was the most vivid in my memory, first of all, because it's fairly recent compared to the first shocking incident and secondly because was a significantly painful surprise. I didn't understand the whole father thing upfront, that processed in a more subconscious way. The cheating boy thing was like lightening in my throat. The crazy adrenaline surging in my gut that accompanied the words was not quite like anything else I've experienced.

I may have had some more deeply disturbing things happen to me, in fact I know I have, but that one was the most shocking- and the hardest to get over. I went a little mental for a while there. Or at least more-so than usual.

Every time I've found out that I was pregnant has been a shock, none of them were planned. Two of my pregnancies didn't carry through, but the other two did and I'm truly and thoroughly blessed that they did. It may have been a shock, but it was preparation for all the shocks which come thereafter when you've got small humans running around that you're supposed to be responsible for.

I apologize, it's gonna get political up in here- please know that no matter your leanings there's room for mutual respect and I don't hold judgment. But the last huge shock was when Trump was elected president. Big. f***ing. Shock. AND the hits just keep on coming. I remain shocked every time I turn on the TV. I'm growing weary of shock- I'd love for things to get back to shock-less and safe...

-TPB