My Journal #2

Death is Coming

DEATH

 

We all have to face it some time or another.  This isn't something new to our family. My husband's parents died in 1981 an in 1991. My father past away five years ago.  This is different.

In 2010 my niece posted her friend's grandma had a dog she was going to have to put down if she couldn't find a home for it. The picture showed a shih tzu. I thought cool! I'd love a little dog like that and we headed off to the grandma's house to get it.
When we got there it wasn't the shih tzu it was a little schnauzer mix. She was about four years old. I was told the story back story and felt sorry for the puppy. I didn't want to see it put down so I took it and figured I'd find another home for her. The woman named the dog Oreo.  (My sister-in-law had named her shih tzu Oreo so I changed it to Ariel)
Because this dog (Ariel)had been through a traumatic situation, she would bite anyone who she felt threatened her or her possessions, I couldn't find a new home for her.
When my husband came home he bonded with her and we ended up keeping her. 

The first few weeks she, slept under the covers at the back of my legs. The next morning she'd chewed through the back of my nightshirt. She chewed the edge of two of my sheets and pillow cases. We started giving her a milk bone at night and the chewing stopped. We never left any underwear in the open. All our dirty clothes were in the walk in closet or she'd chew the crotch out of them. My father came to watch her when we were on vacation. I warned him about leaving his underwear out of the suitcase. He didn't listen and two pair ended up with holes chewed in the seat.

I won't go into all her problems but to say that she bit me two to three time a month during the first five years we had her. Sometimes bad and other times very bad.(I got infections three time) Still my husband would not give her up.

The last four years the biting has gotten better, or I've gotten better at judging how to avoid her reaction.  She's a loving dog. I don't blame her for biting. I don't know why she has this reaction, but when I tell her she's a "BAD DOG" and reprimand her, she is so sorry. She will lay on her back next to my neck and rub back and forth until I forgive her and rub her stomach.  She'll lick my face and burrow next to me to make sure I know she's sorry.

This last fall she began drinking and peeing like crazy. Then began to lose weight. I recognized the symptoms and sure enough she's diabetic.  We have been trying for the last couple of months to regulate her eating, drinking with insulin. You can imagine how that's going. I can't do it alone. She bites. She knows if she eats in the morning she's getting a shot. She will eat and run under the table and not come out. I have to go to work so I can't play her games. My son has managed to get her head down and give her the shot. I can't, I'm too afraid of her.

Last week she began shaking and wouldn't eat. We took her to the emergency vet on Saturday night after we came back home from having my husband's seventieth birthday party. The vet said she probably had pancreatitis. We took her home and fought with her to give her the pills and didn't even bother with the insulin.  Then on Monday I took her to our vet. They did blood work and said she not only had pancreatitis, but her kidney's were shutting down and her sugar levels were over 500. 

As of Thursday she hadn't eaten any real food since Saturday. She'd only eaten the bits of peanut butter we buried her pills in and forced down her throat.  Last night she ate a half a hot dog and some bits of chicken. She is acting more alert and barking at the normal things. The vet said just keep her comfortable and go with whatever she'll eat until you know it's the end.

This has hit my husband the hardest. He isn't home a lot during the year and Ariel is so excited to see him. I usually take her with me to pick him up and she covers his face with kisses all the way home.  When he gets his suitcase ready to leave she isn't happy and barks at him. I take her with me to the airport to drop him off. She's pretty sad for a while and sits on my lap. 

I have never seen him this upset over anything in all the time we've been married. His sadness has affected me more than her demise. I won't miss her all that much. Her biting me has resulted in a disconnect with her. I love her and cuddle with her, but I didn't overly bond with her emotionally.

I don't know how much longer she will be with us and my husband has told me he doesn't want another dog right away. I just don't want one with issues. I want a dog from 10-20 pounds that I wont have to be afraid of.