Complex Numbers

Doors

PROMPT September 29th

One more prompt from tah20!

Name an inside and an outside activity that you enjoy and share in detail what these activities look like.

An... outside activity... that I enjoy?

Does not compute...

I am of the considered opinion that if we humans were meant to be outside, we wouldn't need to slather ourselves with sunscreen and/or cover ourselves with bug spray. Nor would we have to wear special clothes for anything outside the 70-80 degree Fahrenheit range. Our ancestors developed big brains and opposable thumbs for a reason, and that reason is so we could build houses and keep them relatively bug-free and temperature-controlled.

Now, don't get me wrong. I've done outdoor activities, and some of them were actually pretty cool. I've been snorkeling (sunburn on my back), hiking (ticks and shin splints), stargazing (nights that are clear enough to see stars are bloody cold), and even camping (lousy sleep, stiff muscles, headaches). The negative effects of all of these activities far outweigh the positive ones. And don't even get me started on all the stinging, biting, or otherwise annoying critters that lurk in wait for the unsuspecting Waltz.

Okay, I guess "driving," which I do enjoy, is kind of an outdoor activity? No, not really; the car has a heater and an air conditioner. Mine even has seat warmers for when it's below 65.

And as much as the heat annoys me with its sweat and the accursed radiation of the damned daystar, there's one thing worse for me than heat: cold. If I hear "I like being cold because you can always put on more clothes, but when it's hot you can only take off so much," I swear I'm going to punch something. Wearing less clothing in the heat is contraindicated. You want to wear loose clothing to promote air flow.

But I can name one - just one - outdoor activity that I actually enjoy: walking into a building.

What does that look like? It's pretty simple: starting from the dreaded position outside the building, I quicken my steps and smile in the anticipation of the relief that awaits me in the interior.

As for indoor activities, I'm going to stringently avoid the obvious answer to that (not that I've done any of it recently) and go with drinking. Okay, that can be an outdoor activity too, but as with everything else, it's much better inside. I could also say video games. Yeah, given that I play video games a lot more than I drink, I'll say video games. I hope I don't need to tell you what that looks like: me cursing at the computer while my character goes around slaying monsters. Yes, "computer." Consoles suck.

Oddly, I don't like to mix these two activities, for the same reason that drunk driving is a Bad Idea: reaction times are impaired, and I don't have as much fun. If I'm drunk, I'll just watch crappy shows on Netflix.

That said, I have to admit that I do spend most of my waking hours outdoors if the weather's nice - but by "outdoors" I mean on my deck, laptop in front of me, three feet from my back door so I can go inside if I'm swarmed by hornets or some shit. That's because I enjoy a good cigar, but hate stinking up the house with it. After all, that's where I'm most comfortable.