Complex Numbers

Don't Be a Douche

Oh, here's one to have fun with.

https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/these-31-life-hacks-can-improve-your-life-i...

I hate the phrase "life hack," because it's overused; but as this article is from 3 years ago, I'll forgive it. This time.

31 Ways to Improve Your Life in Just a Month
Imagine the possibilities of a life filled with these simple acts of joy that can be done in minutes. Here's a template to get started.

I've noted before that most people don't have "minutes." By the time you attend to basic bodily functions such as sleep; required activities such as work (and the associated commute); and dealing with life's little vicissitudes (such as kids), you're already at 24 hours.

Before this 31-day plan became a lifestyle, I first had to remove the tumors of self-gratification and hubris (trust me, the attitude ruling my life in the old days was all about "what's in it for me?").

While I'm all for self-gratification, I've rarely thought "what's in it for me?" outside of business situations. That is, sure, business transactions are two-sided, but social transactions are not, at least for me. Was I doing something wrong? I guess that's why I have a blog with 12 readers and not a column in Inc. magazine.

Now that you have a glimpse into your own plan, a fair warning: It's not about you. It took years for me to develop the understanding that life is really about giving, service, and meaningful relationships.

Really? Because I learned that at an early age. Again, I suppose that's why I'm comfortably middle-class instead of jetting around the world in my Gulfstream.

Day 1: Do something for someone else.

Do a "five-minute favor" for someone. Five-minute favors are selfless giving acts, without asking for anything in return from the people that you help. Examples of five-minute favors include: sharing knowledge, making an introduction, serving as a reference for a person, product, or service, or recommending someone on LinkedIn, Yelp, or another social place.

More proof that I'm doing it wrong - I don't need shitty advice columns for this.

Day 3: Stop striving to achieve.

We all have a tendency to work too much, lose our balance, and, ultimately, our joy in life. It's the unhealthy feeling that if we don't do something productive every day, we've somehow failed.

Okay, guilty. Or at least I used to be. I got over this when that contributed to a divorce.

Day 4: Put yourself in someone else's shoes.

Empathy and compassion are things you can develop, and it starts with thinking about other people's circumstances, understanding their pains and frustrations, and knowing that those emotions are every bit as real as our own.

I'm starting to get the impression that this author is a sociopath who is trying very hard to not be a sociopath.

Day 7: Give thanks. Your situation could be a lot worse.

I don't care what religion you come from, start your day by thanking your higher power for the things you take for granted. As it turns out, if you make more than $30,000, you earn more than 53.2 percent of Americans. If you make more than $50,000, you earn more than 73.4 percent of Americans. Feeling grateful now? Say a little prayer and give thanks, and then pray for the other 73.4 percent.

Really? Are we measuring success by comparison with other people? Also, all this talk about "higher power" sounds like it comes from AA. So, possibly a recovering alcoholic sociopath?

Day 10: Just. Say. No.

Truly happy people live a simple life. They have a simple schedule. They don't take on more than they can handle. They live according to their values and purpose. They have strong boundaries around what comes into their life. And they have no problem saying no. If it doesn't serve you, if it has little value, and if it doesn't make you better tomorrow than you are today--just ... say ... no.

Call me dense, but doesn't this contradict Day 1?

Day 16: Exercise for 15 minutes.

Achor also told Oprah that if you hate exercise, all it takes is 15 minutes of fun cardio activity, which is the equivalent of taking an antidepressant, but with a 30 percent lower relapse rate.

There is no such thing as "fun cardio." If you think there is, you're probably already exercising. Me, I finally got on board with the antidepressant qualities, but I still have to force myself to do it every day.

Day 19: Find something or someone that will make you laugh.

Humor helps you think more broadly and creatively.

Well, you're reading my blog, so hopefully you're already there on this one.

What would your life look like if you practiced some of these things everyday, extending this plan beyond a 31-day cycle? It just might help you live the life you've always wanted rather than settling for whatever comes your way.

Okay, look, I'm not saying this is bad advice overall. But really, this guy sounds like a douche. Or at least a recovering douche. Not unexpected, given the source. Maybe the real secret to happiness is: Don't be a douche?