A Piece Of My Heart

Missing Out on Purpose

Have you ever felt like you're missing out in life? Describe a time when you missed an experience that you believe would have been rewarding. What can we do to make sure we're not missing out on important life experiences?

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Okay, Char. I have a sinking feeling that this prompt is going to get me upset in some way or ranting about a pent up emotion I’ve hidden from myself. I’m saying that right out of the gate because I haven’t blogged in a while and you’ve hit us right away with a killer prompt. Anyway …

I’ve missed out on so many things in life, but most of those were a conscious choice I made. In high school and college, I willingly and purposefully isolated myself from my peers by always saying “no” to parties, study groups, walks down to the river, every school dance (including prom), and basically anything else you can think of. When there was a school function I simply couldn’t avoid, I would show my face for the absolute minimum amount of time just to prove I was there, and then peace out. I told myself this was all in service of my studies – I would be the damn best student in the class even if it killed me – but I’m certain there was plenty I missed out on. But truth be told, I’m not upset about missing those experiences at all. Let me explain.

Don’t get me wrong, I tried fitting in. I tried going to those parties, getting dressed up for those dances, being the awkward lanky girl with the downcast eyes in the middle of the mosh pit. I tried. And I always left feeling worse than when I went in the first place. I know my comfort zone and I know the distinct situations that threaten that space. I learned, through trial and error, that those situations that are meant to be a fun time amongst friends are downright torture for me. I’m forced to put on a happy face and pretend to enjoy myself when all I would rather be doing is cuddled on the couch with a book or a bowl of popcorn watching some true crime show on Netflix. In those situations, all I can think about is how to graciously extricate myself so I can get back to doing something I truly enjoy.

What it comes down to is this: I know what makes me happy. I don't miss out on things that make me happy. Things that other people classically fear missing out on are of no consequence to me, and thus do not make me sad when I miss them, usually on purpose.

Now I know these to be the traits of a classic introvert. I recharge my batteries by being by myself rather than with other people. And I am totally at peace with this. I purposefully choose to "miss out" on experiences because I know they will bring me more discomfort than joy. So in that sense, I’m not missing out at all.

In my life now, I am no longer in school, and so the scenarios described above no longer apply. My "friend" group is my co-workers and my home life consists of my dogs and bf. I suppose I fear missing out on classic life experiences such as getting married (low-key only, no celebration) and having kids, but those things are coming. I hate even saying it because it seems so wife-y and petty, but I do want those things one day and fear I'm somehow "losing time" by having to focus on my career and blah blah blah ... Maybe that's a topic for another entry What I would say to myself to ensure I don't miss out on things that are important to me in the near future is to stand up for your desires, voice your concerns and fears, and don't let your happiness take a backseat.