Complex Numbers

Quality

Ask someone you trust the following question and write about their answer: “What are my best qualities and what are my worst qualities?”

There are few people I trust, and one of the downsides of keeping the schedule that I do is that most of them are asleep right now. My housemate is not asleep, but I reasoned that if I didn't like her answer, we'd still have to share a kitchen.

Fortunately, I have a friend two time zones behind me, and we text a lot. So this is her reply (unedited, from phone text):

Okay your best qualities: your geekery, and the fact that you're unashamed to like the things you like, and gain in-depth knowledge of those subjects. From economics, to space, to science fiction, to beer; and finally how your writing is all informed by your interests and the varied knowledge you pick up.

You're one of those people who doesn't stop learning-- you dont make up your mind and snap it shut. I've seen you adjust your opinion on different subjects based on learning new facts, and you always have nuanced opinions. You're always ready to listen to what people have to say.

I should point out that we trust people who tend to see the good in us. Still, what my friend says here pretty much aligns with how I like to think I am, so that felt pretty good.

Then, of course, I had to brace myself. I mean, I know I have flaws - I'm human, or at least pretending to be one - but I can never be sure if what I think are my flaws align with what other people think.

It took her a few minutes, but she finally came up with something.

Oh, I know. You keep saying you'll go back and edit Eidolon and submit it to a publisher and you haven't yet.

Eidolon is a novel I wrote some years ago, a contemporary fantasy story which I think has potential but desperately needs editing. She's read its first draft, as well as the first drafts of much of my meager output.

I told her I was going to go ahead and generalize that to "lousy at follow-through." Again, not something I didn't know. Not proud of it, but it's good to know one's weaknesses.

But wait, she wasn't done.

Oh one last thing good quality: you're the absolute best kind of male feminist. You don't parrot talking points for the sake of looking good; you genuinely see women as people rather than a different species. You have many female friends that you treat with the same dignity and respect you give your male friends.

And that was something I never really thought about. I mean, I know I have this idea that "people are people," regardless of gender, race, nationality, religion, whatever. This means that to me, there are good people and assholes in every demographic, as well as the vast majority in the middle. I don't like to call myself a "feminist," not because I think there's anything wrong with the word or with feminism in general, but because so many dudes have said that they were as a way to win a woman's favor. I don't want to be associated with that type.

Which I guess supports her assertion.

Again, though, I should issue the disclaimer that this is coming from a friend, someone I've known half her life. A person who doesn't like me would probably find way more negatives, or even find a way to turn the positives into negatives. "Can't make up his mind. Too easily swayed, inconsistent. An unmanly exuberance about things he likes. Has pretensions to feminism, but secretly just wants to get laid. Also sucks at doing what he says he's going to do. On the plus side, possesses self-destructive tendencies, so is probably going to die soon."

But I wouldn't hang out with someone who thought that of me. I'm just saying: I may be biased, but so is everyone else.

Also, I tend to be friends with people who text in good English; I only identified one minor typo in the quotes above. Narrow-minded of me, sure, but I have to have some standards.