The Book of Masks (Vol. 3)

Catching Keith

Previously: "The Lady or the Alley Cat" 

It would be easy--so very easy to take the "Keith" job and stick Caleb with the "Lisa" job. Probably he would refuse to do it. But then what would Patterson do to him? Actually, you'd like to reject both jobs--it's a shock to recognize just how depraved Patterson can be--but then you'd both not be safe. And Patterson might do something to Lisa and Keith just to spite you. Besides, you'd already decided it was best to keep close to him.

You meet Patterson's cold grey eyes. "I'll do the Lisa initiation thing," you say thickly. Through the roar in your ears, you hear Caleb muttering something low to you, but Steve shuts him up with a sharp word and a glance. "Brave man," he says to you. "I'm impressed. I think." A small smile creeps up the side of his face, and his eyes flick between you and Caleb. "So you know what your jobs are. Any questions?" Caleb is silent; you shake your head numbly. "Okay then. Get moving."

You and Caleb quickly exit the "fuck room," and end in a dead run out of the gym, stopping only when you collapse against the side of your truck. "Oh, fuck me," you groan as you slide down to the ground. "Fuck us."

"You didn't have to take it," Caleb says. "You could have told him to shove it."

"You could have told him to shove it," you retort.

"I mean, you could have picked the thing to do with Keith, left the other job to me. Not that I want to do it," he quickly adds.

"I don't want to do it either," you reply. "But I wasn't going to stick you--"

"Will you stop being noble," he snaps. "If you want to, we can go back and tell him we swapped jobs."

You glare at the gym; the prospect of going back up those stairs seems even more horrible than the prospect of going through with the initiation. "No," you say slowly. "Then he'd just think we suck even more. If we're gonna go through with it, we might as well stick to what we volunteered for."

"Oh, fuck us," Caleb moans.

You sit silently for a bit, until you're overcome by the fear that Patterson will come out and find you, and you drive away.

* * * * *

And yet, for all the horror you feel, as the afternoon wears on your mood begins to alter slightly. Maybe you're just desperate to find the bright side of a very dark situation; or maybe you're actually being honest with yourself. But eventually, as you sit on your bed and study the blank mask you will have to use on Lisa, certain ... compensations ... creep into view.

You are pretty certain that Lisa and Geoff have not progressed so far as to have-- You flinch from even thinking the words. If Geoff does it with a fake-Lisa, and then goes to the real Lisa expecting more of the same (especially if you encourage him in the thought) ... Well, that would piss Lisa off, and then that would piss Mansfield off.

Yeah, you could use this insanely squicky job to throw a real monkey-wrench between them.

Of course, that wouldn't be enough to revive your own relationship with Lisa, and you don't even know what went wrong there. If you had a mask of her, though, you could get inside her head-- You rejected that idea before. But now that it looks like you've no choice, you have to admit how strongly attracted you are to the idea.

* * * * *

"The fuck is wrong with Johansson?" Keith says the next day as he drops into the seat next to you at school.

"Why, what's wrong?"

"I only asked him if he wants to copy my English notes again, and he bites my head off. Says he won't need my 'fucking notes'."

With Tilley's mask, likely he won't. "Just hormones or something," you say.

"Well, can you tell him to stop treating me like shit-and-bubble-gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe?"

"What makes you think he'll listen to me?"

"You two have gotten real tight recently, and don't think I haven't noticed. It's like you've gotten your own secret two-man club."

Yeah, you have been blowing Keith off quite a bit lately. "We'll get together, the three of us, real soon," you promise.

"Unless it's to listen to you moan and bitch about Lisa," he says, and he shifts restlessly in his chair. "If it's just that, you two can keep to yourselves."

Your eyes narrow. "Why don't you try getting a girl, so you see what it's like?"

"I'm on it every day," he replies, and his head swivels on his scrawny neck as he checks out his female classmates.

* * * * *

You find Caleb at the elementary school after school, slouching in front of the door, with the blank mask in his hands. He doesn't look up as you approach. "You don't want to do this thing to Keith," you say. "Oh yeah, fish fry."

"Beer bender. Fuck him, he's got it coming. All the shit he's pulled over the years."

"You're just trying to talk yourself into it. And it's why you're being ugly to him in school, so he'll tell you to piss off and won't come near you. That way you can't get the mask onto him."

He squints up at you. "Are you a fucking psychiatrist, or do you just play one on this comedy show you call your life?"

"Just telling it like I see it," you say, reaching over him to unlock the door. "Come on, it's not going to go any quicker if you keep putting it off. Besides, we need to get him so I can get Lisa."

"How come?" Still he squats in front of the door, blocking you from opening it. He cranes his neck up at you. "Why don't you get Lisa first?"

"Because I want to use Keith's face to get Lisa. I don't want her seeing me nearby when that mask comes out for her." You cock your head. "Come on, man. You said you were willing to take the actual job of playing Lisa. It's even easier to do this for me."

"It's a shitty thing to do to Keith, though," he says, scrambling to his feet.

"Keith's life is destined for the shitter after he makes that pass at Kendra. How much worse will it be for him if he's the one putting the mask on Lisa?" You take out your cell phone. "Anyway, I told him we'd get together soon."

* * * * *

"So this is where you've been hanging out," Keith says, looking idly around the basement, hands in pockets. "I remember this place. We had that kick-ass Halloween party here."

"Actually, this is the first time we've been down here since then," you say. "Got to thinking about what you said today, and it seemed like a nice place to reconnect. Maybe we could have another Halloween party here. It's only a few weeks away."

"That'd be cool," Keith says. "But are you sure no one else can get down here?"

"It's my lock on the door, and my key in the lock," you say.

"It's just that it looks like someone's been playing around down here," Keith says, pointing at the table where you and Caleb had been working on the spells. "See, there's those circles where the dust has been disturbed and not settled again."

You and Caleb exchange horrified glances behind Tilley's back. "Yeah, now that you mention it, the place is really filthy," you babble. Your hand and arm seem to operate independently of your brain, grabbing a loose board off a bookshelf. "I mean, criminey, look at this." You blow the thick layer of accumulated dust right into Keith's face.

He waves his hand, coughs, steps back, closes his eyes. Caleb, luckily, recognizes the cue you've improvised, and reaches around Tilley to put the blank mask to his face.

"Do we need to get his clothes off him?" you ask Caleb as you help lift your unconscious friend to the table.

"Ew. I don't want to put on his underwear. Getting into his head's gonna be enough."

"But won't we need his pants and shirt at least? You know, as part of the disguise?"

Caleb gives you a look. "And what are we gonna tell him happened to his clothes when he wakes up?"

"Okay, yeah, good point. Well, I guess we're all about the same size and wear the same kind of shit."

"I wear a higher quality shit," Caleb says. "Tilley's mom buys weird stuff. Haven't you ever seen the stuff in their refrigerator?"

"You mean like the RC Cola?" You shudder. "It's like an alternate universe over there. A really lame-ass one."

"Another reason to be happy this is a one-day-only thing."

* * * * *

Keith is pissed at you guys after he wakes up, despite your apologies, but instead of going off, like Jeremy, he sticks around anyway and acts pissed off. Then you and Caleb get pissed off at him because he keeps being pissed at you guys, and that's when he decides he wants to be friends after all. So a very wearisome afternoon passes before Keith finally parts with you and Caleb. "I thought that fucker never would shut up," Caleb grumbles. "At least the hard part's over. Let's see about getting Lisa for you."

"I'm wiped," you say, falling backward onto the table. "Let's just do it later."

"Goddamn it," Caleb says. "You frog-march me into getting Keith this afternoon, but when it's your turn to get your job started-- 'I'm wiped, let's just do it later!'" His voice rises to a squeak as he imitates you.

Next: "Lifting Lisa" 

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"Table of Contents (Vol. 3)" 
"The Book of Masks (Vol. 3)"