Flashes of Inspiration

So Be It

So Be It

I didn't have to come to church today, this isn't the place to have a private argument: Rick is going to have a hissy fit when I reveal my decision. I don't want our relationship to end, but I don't want it to be based on a lie either. Damn, why does he have to be so financial in his religious beliefs? Why can't he simply accept that I have questions, and let it drop at that. Just because I'm a bit skeptical when it comes to orthodoxy and dogma, doesn't mean I don't believe in God or that I reject Christ. Why can't he let me find my own answers? Am I being unreasonable? How can I expect him to take me seriously when all I have to go on are a few dreams?

No, it's more than a few dream. The dreams are only a manifestation of my certainty that God exists and that my soul is immortal. The image of Christ returned in the Father's glory is a symbol. It could either symbolize my soul's longing to see the Lord, or it could symbolize the fact that Christ has already returned. Why can't Rick let me find the answer for myself? Why does he get so angry when I go to a Mosque or a Kingdom Hall? Why does he yell when I read the Book of Mormon or the Qur'an? What is it about my search that intimidates him? Am I the one who's wrong? May be I should just follow Rick's lead and accept without question. Maybe I should rethink my decision. Maybe I should walk into that little church and say: Rick you're right and I'm wrong. Let's get married. Maybe this is an indication that neither Rick nor I are ready for marriage; at least not to each other. And maybe the problem is that Rick doesn't take me seriously.

How can I expect Rick, or anybody else, to take me seriously if I don't take myself seriously. If I don't have faith in my own dreams, no one else will. If I don't stand up for myself, and my right to question both dogma and orthodoxy, both religion and science then who else will. Am I being unreasonable to expect the man, who claims to love me, to listen to me without ridiculing and condemning me? Am I being unreasonable to expect to have a simple conversation with the man I love concerning religion without being told I'm going to hell because my view differs from his? No, I AM NOT being unreasonable!

Well I can't remain in my car forever. I'm going to have to get and and go in. I'm going to have to face Rick and from the looks of the line at the door, the whole congregation as well. That's another thing that irritates me! He can't keep his mouth shut about anything. I swear that man is the worst gossip I've ever met. I wonder what he told the reverend this time. Am I going to walk in there and have the entire congregation ty to cast the devil out of me? Are they all here for the Easter Service? If that's the case, which it probably is, I'm being a teeny bit paranoid and self-centered--normal stress reaction.

I suppose I could just drive off without a word. No! Stress or not I have to give Rick the benefit of the doubt. I love him too much just to drive off without saying anything, without knowing whether or not we can over come our differences, whether or not he can forgive me for searching out truth for myself. Perhaps our love is strong enough to survive our theological differences. Maybe the fanatic and the skeptic can live under the same roof, and maybe pigs fly. When I refuse to participate in the Communion Service, Rick will find someone else; someone will to give him responsibility for her salvation. So be it.

Author's Note: ▼

I'm not sure when I wrote this. I believe it was for a creative writing course I took either at CCSN or UNLV.